It's time for another joke thread

JohnInCarolina

Focker

Yeah nola and JIC, "cut it out". 

Hntnhrd

Too far???

SemolinaPilchard

Hntnhrd said:

Too far???

At one of the White House Correspondents Dinners Obama told a bunch of jokes at Trump's expense. A Democrat congressman who rode in the limo with Obama after the dinner said Obama was repeating the jokes and was so proud of himself. Some think that was at least part of the reason Trump threw that thing on his head in the ring. I have no idea if that is true, but it sounds good. 

GATraveller

HofstraJet

I'm not politically-minded, but those last few pictures are funny, I don't care who you are.

DoubleEgger

JohnInCarolina

@DoubleEgger - LOL

The Cen-Tex Smoker

theyolksonyou said:

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

one snatches watches and the other watches snatches

We sponsored some backwater drag racing event in Tulsa OK like 10 years ago. Every cretin and meth addicted hillbilly for miles showed up. We were giving away free swag and the line was like an hour long. One guy had a 9 year old girl on his arm (clearly his daughter). He was covered in prison tats and had a cutoff shirt that said:

I love to Snatch Kisses and Vice Versa

nice.

Hntnhrd

Let's get this back off politics!

theyolksonyou

Why did the tomato blush?




because it saw the salad dressing. 

JohnnyTarheel

What do yo call a potato with a penis?



A dictator!!

gmac

Hub said:

Saw the title and thought what a great idea ... came here to post a great joke about Donald Duck shopping for chapstick at a convenience store ... saw all the political stuff ... decided to leave thread without posting joke ... SMH .. can we not do the political thing here? Is it that difficult to keep your damn politics to yourself?!?

Is anyone else curious what the joke was?

theyolksonyou

gmac said:

Hub said:

Saw the title and thought what a great idea ... came here to post a great joke about Donald Duck shopping for chapstick at a convenience store ... saw all the political stuff ... decided to leave thread without posting joke ... SMH .. can we not do the political thing here? Is it that difficult to keep your damn politics to yourself?!?

Is anyone else curious what the joke was?

Something about put it on my bill. 

JohnInCarolina

gmac said:

Hub said:

Saw the title and thought what a great idea ... came here to post a great joke about Donald Duck shopping for chapstick at a convenience store ... saw all the political stuff ... decided to leave thread without posting joke ... SMH .. can we not do the political thing here? Is it that difficult to keep your damn politics to yourself?!?

Is anyone else curious what the joke was?

All I saw was Donald and thought oh no another Trump joke.

pgprescott

JohnInCarolina said:

gmac said:

Hub said:

Saw the title and thought what a great idea ... came here to post a great joke about Donald Duck shopping for chapstick at a convenience store ... saw all the political stuff ... decided to leave thread without posting joke ... SMH .. can we not do the political thing here? Is it that difficult to keep your damn politics to yourself?!?

Is anyone else curious what the joke was?

All I saw was Donald and thought oh no another Trump joke.

Of course. 

HofstraJet

theyolksonyou said:

gmac said:

Hub said:

Saw the title and thought what a great idea ... came here to post a great joke about Donald Duck shopping for chapstick at a convenience store ... saw all the political stuff ... decided to leave thread without posting joke ... SMH .. can we not do the political thing here? Is it that difficult to keep your damn politics to yourself?!?

Is anyone else curious what the joke was?

Something about put it on my bill. 

I thought it would be the one about a hooker with dysentery. 

DoubleEgger

A duck walked into a drug store to buy some Chapstick. The pharmacist asked, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck replied, "Just put it on my bill".

The next day the duck walked into the drug store to buy a condom. The pharmacist asked, "Would you like for me to put that on your bill?" The duck replied, "I'm not that kind of a duck".

theyolksonyou

Why don't chickens wear underwear?



cause their pecker's on their head. 

JohnInCarolina

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the skunk that it could be done.

theyolksonyou

Why did the skunk cross the road?

it didn

SaintJohnsEgger

Q: What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?



A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside. 

JohnInCarolina

Why did God invent alcohol?





To prevent the Irish from ruling the Earth.

bgebrent

JohnInCarolina said:

Why did God invent alcohol?





To prevent the Irish from ruling the Earth.

I'm Irish, when I give up drinking I might run for office.

theyolksonyou

bgebrent said:

JohnInCarolina said:

Why did God invent alcohol?





To prevent the Irish from ruling the Earth.

I'm Irish, when I give up drinking I might run for office.

That's a good joke. You'd have to actually work. 

Danielson

Trump is a little stressed about winning the election he didn't think he would. He sneaks out of the White House to get some air and has Secret Service drive him around D. C. He goes to Washington monument and looks up to the sky and says "George, I wish there was some advice you could give me to do the people right and be a good president" a big booming voice comes down from the sky "listen to the people". Trump says "that's good, I know what to do". 

He goes to Jefferson memorial and looks up to the sky and says "Thomas , I wish there was some advice you could give me to do the people right and be a good president" a big booming voice comes down from the sky "follow the constitution ". Trump says I can do that, that's good. 

He goes to Lincoln memorial and looks up to the sky and says "Abe, I wish there was some advice you could give me to do the people right and be a good president" a big booming voice comes down from the sky "go to the theater ". 

bgebrent

theyolksonyou said:

bgebrent said:

JohnInCarolina said:

Why did God invent alcohol?





To prevent the Irish from ruling the Earth.

I'm Irish, when I give up drinking I might run for office.

That's a good joke. You'd have to actually work. 

Work is for suckers, sucker.

JohnInCarolina

DoubleEgger

NewBerlinEggprentice

theyolksonyou said:

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

one snatches watches and the other watches snatches

What's the difference between an Ritz and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.