It's time for another joke thread

Jeremiah

Hopefully it's not buffaloed too quickly. 


Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!". 

EGGjlmh

An old man had been drinking at the bar all night.  A couple younger fellows felt sorry for him and thought they would do the right thing and take the man home because by now he couldn't even walk.  They asked his address and started driving him home.  When they go to his house and his wife answered the door she looked shocked as they were holding him up.  They told her they were doing their good deed by taking him home, She replied, That's nice but where is his wheelchair?

DoubleEgger

Why do shepherds wear robes? 

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away...

Mickey

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest 

of me Life, between the legs of me wife!" 

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! 

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best 

toast of The night." 

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" 

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church 

beside me wife." 

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. 

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the 

street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the 

prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary." 

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You 

know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I 

had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he 

fell asleep"

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Donald Trump is the president of the United States of America

theyolksonyou

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

Donald Trump is the president of the United States of America

Punchline: and it could've been worse. 

Ba da Da

The Cen-Tex Smoker

theyolksonyou said:

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

Donald Trump is the president of the United States of America

Punchline: and it could've been worse. 

Ba da Da

Very possibly True. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

But not funnier. It is a joke thread after all

DMW

theyolksonyou

Oh, I don't know. I find it fûcking hilarious he wasn't the worst choice. I mean, look at his hair, and Twitter account. 

DMW

It's a joke thread, right?

nolaegghead

Dave in Florida

theyolksonyou

Well, this is headed to the crapper quickly. 

theyolksonyou

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

one snatches watches and the other watches snatches

The Cen-Tex Smoker

DMW said:

It's a joke thread, right?

Right? I thought it was funny. A f*ucking game show host is the leader of the free world. 

theyolksonyou

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

DMW said:

It's a joke thread, right?

Right? I thought it was funny. A f*ucking game show host is the leader of the free world. 

For the record, I don't disagree. 

Just thought it could go one step further. 

DMW

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

DMW said:

It's a joke thread, right?

Right? I thought it was funny. A f*ucking game show host is the leader of the free world. 

Not quite yet, still a few weeks out.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

DMW said:

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

DMW said:

It's a joke thread, right?

Right? I thought it was funny. A f*ucking game show host is the leader of the free world. 

Not quite yet, still a few weeks out.

Don't tell twitter that

nolaegghead

But...but...not just a reality show host...he's a real class act, John.  I mean, owns the Miss America Pageant, owned some gambling joints, an excellent university, seller of steaks and vodka, an airline....wowee!!!!  What are a few conspiracy theories between friends?

DMW

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

DMW said:

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

DMW said:

It's a joke thread, right?

Right? I thought it was funny. A f*ucking game show host is the leader of the free world. 

Not quite yet, still a few weeks out.

Don't tell twitter that

That whole "one president at a time" thing is so yesterday.

DMW

SciAggie

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?





OMG... just breathe. BREATHE!!!!!!!!!

It's a joke thread, right? Nobody said they had to be good ones.

DMW

JohnInCarolina

nolaegghead

LOL!

Ozzie_Isaac

SciAggie said:

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?





OMG... just breathe. BREATHE!!!!!!!!!

It's a joke thread, right? Nobody said they had to be good ones.

Grapes cannot talk you know.

womaus

Ozzie_Isaac said:

Grapes cannot talk you know.

Are ya sure of that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFc3FqtEZpo

Ozzie_Isaac

Bravo to the author of this news story for getting probe in the title of sn IVF story.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/dutch-medical-centre-probes-suspected-ivf-sperm-mix-192201181.html

SemolinaPilchard

"I have been preparing to be president for most of my adult life. What is the punch line you ask? I was beaten by someone who a year ago took up politics as a hobby!!"

fishlessman