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nolaegghead

eince Preibus: Only GOP Candidates Know Hating All Muslims is the Only Path To Peace

James Schlarmann November 16, 2015Funny Business

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LAKE GENESIS, WISCONSIN — Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus told reporters Monday morning that he is “absolutely elated” that most of the 2016 presidential candidates for his party have “come out and decisively stood for the rock-ribbed American value of xenophobia and paranoia about people who look and talk differently.”

Priebus was addressing some criticism that the GOP’s candidates have gotten for their reactions to the horrific tragedy that unfolded in Paris, France last week. The reactions from Republican candidates mostly dealt with criticizing President Barack Obama for not specifically calling the attacks an act of “Islamist terrorism” and most of them called for closing the country’s borders, especially to any Syrian refugees that states and local municipalities may have decided to bring in before the deadly attacks in France. Many critics of the Republicans’ rhetoric have pointed to the fact that there are millions and millions more peaceful, moderate, non-violent people of the Islamic faith than there are those who carry out terror attacks.

“Yeah, sure,” Priebus told reporters during the press conference, “you can say that we’re lumping people together unfairly, but generalizing about a group of people is just what we conservative Americans do. It’s like how we know that most people on welfare are cheating the system, and that everyone in government — except for Republicans — are anti-American libtard communists.” Priebus told the media that he “isn’t afraid to generalize about Muslims” because his base “knows the truth that the only religion you can’t generalize about is good, old fashioned American Christianity.”

During the press conference, Priebus was asked about two candidates’ comments in particular — Senator Ted Cruz and billionaire mogul Donald Trump. Both men are rising in the polls lately, and both men have had openly and stridently militaristic and anti-Islamic reactions to the Paris attacks. Cruz intimated that the U.S. should step up bombing raids on ISIS targets and have “more tolerance for civilian casualties.” Trump told MSNBC host Joe Scarborough that he would consider closing down mosques in the United States in response to a terror attack.

“Look, Donald is speaking to a reality we all need to face,” Priebus told the press, “and that’s the fact that the Constitution’s promise of freedom of religion should only extend to Christians since Christians are peace-loving, non-judgmental people. Just as the KKK and the Westboro Baptist Church.” Mr. Priebus insisted that closing down the borders to only Islamic people isn’t a perversion of the very first amendment in the Constitution, but rather “prudent and sound leadership in a time of great crisis.”

“Hey, there wasn’t any room at the inn on Christmas Eve,” Priebus said, “and that all turned out just fine, so why are these Syrian refugees complaining?” As for Cruz’s comments, Priebus said that “Republicans have long known that the only way to achieve peace and stability is to bomb people into the Stone Age.” He said that the proof of Republican foreign policy prowess is in Iraq. “When we were in charge, sure we were blowing trillions of dollars on an unjust, illegal war built on lies, but did you have ISIS yet? No. You didn’t. Sure, you had the remnants of Al Qaeda that became ISIS, but you know, isn’t that really all Obama’s fault even though he wasn’t in office yet, I mean really,” Priebus asked rhetorically.

As the press conference was ending, Priebus reiterated his defense of Trump and Cruz saying, “Ted and Donald are speaking to a very real truth — that hating all Muslims is the only path to peace. Hating all Muslims is clearly the most grown-up and productive way to target your understandable outrage at a much, much, much smaller subset of the whole of the world’s Islamic community. After all, you know how much we American Republican Christians just love being blamed for every single abortion clinic or Federal building in Oklahoma that’s bombed, right? So the same **** applies here, obviously. All Muslims are untrustworthy because a handful of them committed heinous acts, just like all Christians are terrible human beings because of what Timothy McVeigh did. Get it? Got it? Good.”

nolaegghead

Syrian Refugee Hoping to Dodge Bullets in the U.S. for a Change

James Schlarmann November 17, 2015Funny Business

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GRACE, TENNESSEE — Ammar Abdul Malouf is a 32-year old Syrian who fled his home country to come to America, seeking asylum from the bloody civil war that is ravaging the Syrian countryside. Malouf began his journey to the United States with his wife and young daughter more than 15 months ago, and last Thursday he finally made it to a small town in Tennessee with them all in tow. Unfortunately for Mr. Malouf though, Tennessee’s Governor Bill Haslam (R) has joined a chorus of Republican governors — and one Democratic governor — in stating his intention to keep people like Ammar out of his state.

“Honestly at this point I just would like the opportunity to dodge bullets in a different locale,” Malouf told reporters outside the bus transit station in Grace, Tennessee that he and his family arrived at, having already been screened by the State Department extensively. When Malouf got off the train however, he said he was greeted by Haslam personally who told him he’d have to get back on the train and “take it all the way back home to Syria,” Malouf says he was told by Haslam.

Malouf is a software engineer with ten years experience in the IT industry, and is hoping to apply that experience as a new business owner in Grace. He intends to start a computer repair and education center where people of all income levels can come and learn how to use various high-tech devices. “The idea,” Malouf said, “is that if we give people the tools to update their technical skills, they may qualify for higher paying office jobs and thereby help our local economy and give the social safety net a little breathing room.” Malouf says he already has the capital in place, and just needs a home to set up his Tennessee residence in to begin the process.

Mr. Malouf told our reporter that what drove him to Tennessee was an ironic sense of belonging. “I mean, back home I was used to having to keep my head down to avoid getting blasted by an automatic weapon,” he said, “and in red states with lax gun laws you have to keep your head down to keep from being shot too. The only difference is that it might be a hand gun or semi-auto rifle instead of a full-auto AK or something like that.”

“Back home the biggest threat to our security was a religious extremist with a gun taking offense to our existence, deciding we weren’t ideologically aligned with them, and blowing us away,” Malouf said, “with the Islamaphobia among fundamentalist Christians in this state I knew we’d fit right in.” Malouf said he as already been in contact with an immigration lawyer as well as the State Department to have them reiterate to Tennessee officials that he and his family have already been fully vetted.

Despite the cold welcome, Malouf says he is not bitter toward America, its citizens, or even Governor Haslam. “I get it, we all get it,” Malouf said, “religious extremism is religious extremism no matter what. The sad part is really that the Christians here are playing right into ISIS’ plans by doing this. They want us to feel cold and shut out. They want to foment an us versus them mentality between the West and the Islamic community of the world. So hopefully one day Americans re-embrace the melting pot idea and my family and I can live in peace and pursue the American dream for ourselves.”

“The bottom line for me is that I can handle keeping my head on a swivel in an environment that’s relatively hostile toward me,” Malouf said at the end of the interview. “Whether it’s Islamic terrorists driving me out, or American Christians keeping me away, I’ve gotten used to so-called Godly people treating me like garbage. So I just want a change to live under constant threat from another, different group of religious radicals. Is that so much to ask for,” Ammar asked rhetorically before saying goodbye and hanging up.

NPHuskerFL

Apparently my way of what I consider rational thinking is racist, hatred and uncompassionate.  
Edit: anybody that actually knows me knows I'm none of those things. I'm an **** though. 

JohnInCarolina

Davec433 said:

Their is no way to vet any of these refugees minus taking their word. We don't have an extensive biometric pool for Syria so whenever you hear them talk about this extensive vetting process know they are lying.

Like I quoted above, this is nonsense.  Sure, we don't have a 100% certain system for vetting refugees.  But we don't have it for regular visitors either.  You might as well just suggest we don't let ANYONE into the country.  Home of the brave alright.

nolaegghead

Do you believe in the bible and the teaching of Jesus Christ?  All the answers are there, my son.

nolaegghead

Obama Calls Paris Attacks ‘Islamist Terrorism,’ ISIS Immediately Surrenders

James Schlarmann November 16, 2015Funny Business

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning an unexpected turn of events, ISIS — the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria — has offered an “immediate and permanent surrender” just a matter of days after pulling off its most deadly coordinated terrorist attack to date in Paris, France.

“We didn’t want to give in yet,” a tweet from an official ISIS Twitter account said, “but when your President Obama used the words ‘Islamist Terrorist,’ we had no choice but to offer an immediate and permanent surrender.” Conservative Republicans had heavily criticized President Obama for not specifically calling the events in Paris part of an Islamist terror attack, choosing instead to use broader terms. On Twitter, American right-wingers battered the president with tweets like, “Obama won’t call the #Paris #terror attacks “Islamist” but was perfectly willing to politicize #Umpqua when barely over & cause uncertain,” and several conservative media pundits also lambasted the president for not specifically using the term “Islamist terrorism.”

The ISIS surrender tweet came just hours after Obama rather passively called the attacks an act of Islamist terrorism while he was having his morning coffee and toast while reading his copy of The Kenyan Times newspaper. “You know,” Obama reportedly told his wife, First Lady Michelle Obama, “these acts of Islamist terrorism are so tragic because they give people an excuse in their mind to be hateful toward an entire group of people for the acts of a few.” According to anonymous White House aides, as soon as the sentence came out of Obama’s mouth, an urgent message came to him from the CIA, stating that they’d picked up a tweet from an ISIS account that they had fully surrendered.

“Well, that was a good little coincidence then, huh,” asked Obama rhetorically according to reports. “I mean, the whole reason I didn’t call it Islamist terrorism was that it’s fairly obvious that ISIS are calling themselves Islamic, but that doesn’t mean they are representative of all of Islam. I have to wonder if some American conservatives want us lumping them in with the Ku Klux Klan, or the Westboro Baptist church.” Obama said that “people who live in glass temples shouldn’t throw rocks” and that “every major religion has had a dark ages to go through, so no one should be picking on the average Muslim who wants nothing to do with murder in the name of Allah.”

Obama also reportedly told his staff that he “shouldn’t have to use the words Islamist terrorism anymore” because “in 2015 aren’t we all smart enough to know that if you took the religion element out of this, people would still be blowing each other up over control of resources and money.” President Obama also said he’d “apologize to all the conservatives out there” who told him “the only way to defeat ISIS was to use two words to describe them that most of us already understood to describe them anyway.”

“I should have listened to them,” Obama said, “because as we all know calling something a conflagration instead of a fire is basically like lying, and if you say you’re going to put out a fire, someone might think you’re soft on fires.”

In a follow-up tweet, the ISIS Twitter account said, “Curse you, American Republicans, for seeing through our dastardly facades and figuring out the only way to beat us was by using a term to describe us that everyone already acknowledges anyway and so it would probably just be redundant, insulting toward non-violent Muslims, and inflammatory to do so, also what happened to the 140 character limit on tweets? This one is like way, way, way, way, way more than that.”

This story is developing, and will be updated with new details as they surface.

JohnInCarolina

Eggcelsior

NPHuskerFL said:

Apparently my way of what I consider rational thinking is racist, hatred and uncompassionate.  
Edit: anybody that actually knows me knows I'm none of those things. I'm an **** though. 

You may be rational, but what is being said my many of our representatives in government is not. We might as well send the Statue of Liberty back to France with this rhetoric.

JohnInCarolina

"It is worth reflecting at least briefly on the security risks of turning our backs on hundreds of thousands of helpless people fleeing some combination of ISIS and Assad. Imagine teeming refugee camps in which everyone knows that America has abandoned them. Imagine the conspiracy theories that will be rife in those camps. Imagine the terrorist groups that will recruit from them and the righteous case they will make about how, for all its talk, the United States left Syria to burn and Syrians to live in squalor in wretched camps in neighboring countries. I don't know if this situation is more dangerous, less dangerous, or about as dangerous as the situation in which we admit a goodly number of refugees, help resettle others, and run some risk—which we endeavor to mitigate—that we might admit some bad guys. But this is not a situation in which all of the risk is stacked on the side of doing good, while turning away is the safe option. There is risk whatever we do or don't do."

DMW

NPHuskerFL said:

Apparently my way of what I consider rational thinking is racist, hatred and uncompassionate.  
Edit: anybody that actually knows me knows I'm none of those things. I'm an **** though. 

I probably should stop, but Christ's love is/was irrational love.

NPHuskerFL

I (edit: do my best NOT to)  listen to the media because EVERYTHING seems to be politicized for personal or party gain. @Eggcelsior
I totally get why they need asylum and we have extended our hand to help many other groups before. Why is this different?  Terrorism effs everything up!  Hell that's what these people are trying to get away from. Dude I don't know what the answer is. But, I know we don't want war at home. That's for damn sure. And I believe the majority of these people are running for safety nothing more nothing less. 

bgebrent

Our current screening processes missed Charlie Sheens HIV status.  Trust the gubament.

DMW

bgebrent said:

Our current screening processes missed Charlie Sheens HIV status.  Trust the gubament.

The gubament is responsible for testing Charlie's tiger blood?

Acn

Eggcelsior said:

NPHuskerFL said:

Apparently my way of what I consider rational thinking is racist, hatred and uncompassionate.  
Edit: anybody that actually knows me knows I'm none of those things. I'm an **** though. 

You may be rational, but what is being said my many of our representatives in government is not. We might as well send the Statue of Liberty back to France with this rhetoric.

No, we only need the French to add "Only after they've been properly vetted" to the end of the inscription.  They could probably just send a couple of people over, we could put them up at the Waldorf for a few days.

nolaegghead

NPHuskerFL said:

@nolaegghead Brotha we have ten fold the number of crazy people right here in America. There's no denying it. Turn on the news on the boob tube or web and it's obvious. And they're Americans. So, you feel it's a good idea of bringing people here that nobody can deny could be a sleeper ISIS etc?  Really.

@NPHuskerFL Blake, I didn't specifically post anything here that were my words, but I really hate the fear mongering and pandering that people are buying like discount snake oil.

blasting

How about after the first terrorist attack on us soil that can be traced back to one of these refugees we come back and look at this thread.  

If there hasnt been an attack two years from now, I'll be the first to say I was wrong.  If there was an attack, will you admit you were wrong?

nolaegghead

@blasting - wtf man?  Because someone is christian, or muslim, or black or white or whatever, you just condemn everyone that has those traits?  Do you even know one thing about what's going on over there?  I'd just stop now before you look more duh durp duhhhh duhrrrpp 

DMW

https://www.facebook.com/mcmarombaoriginal/videos/878197322312334/

Not sure if this will embed properly (pretty sure it won't since it's not youtube), but it's worth a click, left me in tears.

blasting

nolaegghead said:

@blasting - wtf man?  Because someone is christian, or muslim, or black or white or whatever, you just condemn everyone that has those traits?  Do you even know one thing about what's going on over there?  I'd just stop now before you look more duh durp duhhhh duhrrrpp 

so you'd risk your family's lives?  Why not create a safe zone with aid over there and make sure?  No need to risk ours.

nolaegghead

This same stupid-ass mentality kept protestants and catholics killing each other in ireland for decades.  Jesus Christ people, if you're so scared you're wetting your bed go see a shrink.  You do get that people use fear to get you on their side, so you are against other people, so you vote for them?

blasting

Where are the women and children in proper propotions?  Ask the folks in france how open borders are working.   We can, and should help, but we don't need to bring them here.

nolaegghead

blasting said:

nolaegghead said:

@blasting - wtf man?  Because someone is christian, or muslim, or black or white or whatever, you just condemn everyone that has those traits?  Do you even know one thing about what's going on over there?  I'd just stop now before you look more duh durp duhhhh duhrrrpp 

so you'd risk your family's lives?  Why not create a safe zone with aid over there and make sure?  No need to risk ours.

No, because there's an infinitesimal chance of risk to my family. Fvck dude, seriously do you think you're gonna die because of some immigrants that are stuck in the middle of a country with an **** leader and a psychotic religious group?

blasting

Sorry buddy, on this we disagree.   I'll agree to as much aid as you want, but no open borders at the risk of being a Trojan horse.

nolaegghead

blasting said:

Where are the women and children in proper propotions?  Ask the folks in france how open borders are working.   We can, and should help, but we don't need to bring them here.

Xenophobia, racism, et al, are a big driver of hate.  I think you're unable to see past the torches and pitchforks into the nuances of life and the dynamics of that region.  So really, I'm wasting my time talking with you.  I do urge you to practice an iota of intellectual curiosity and read about what's happening from experts in the region.

nolaegghead

blasting said:

Sorry buddy, on this we disagree.   I'll agree to as much aid as you want, but no open borders at the risk of being a Trojan horse.

Agree to disagree.  I'm going to do my best to try to fix the very attitudes that make the bad things in history cycle over and over.  People. 

nolaegghead

@blasting - You're a Canadian immigrant.  Canada has had terrorists too, isn't it a little hypocritical if you look at the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squamish_Five and would you have advocated protecting Americans from the Canadian Horde by stopping Canadian immigration? 

blasting

nolaegghead said: So really, I'm wasting my time talking with you.  

I'm sorry you feel that way.  To me it's just a difference of opinion.

France already felt the sting, and I dont want the same to happen here.  Lots of ways to help without putting me and mine at risk.  

nolaegghead

blasting said:

nolaegghead said: So really, I'm wasting my time talking with you.  

I'm sorry you feel that way.  To me it's just a difference of opinion.

France already felt the sting, and I dont want the same to happen here.  Lots of ways to help without putting me and mine at risk.  

Maybe in context of this conversation.  I like talking to you otherwise.

blasting

nolaegghead said:

@blasting - You're a Canadian immigrant.  Canada has had terrorists too, isn't it a little hypocritical if you look at the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squamish_Five and would you have advocated protecting Americans from the Canadian Horde by stopping Canadian immigration? 

Didnt know anything about this group, but to answer your question,  when not sure of things, immigration must be suspended.  Lest you think I'm racist, Latina woman are amongst my most favorite group of people...  It will pain me greatly if president Trump sends them home.

HeavyG

nolaegghead said:

blasting said:

Where are the women and children in proper propotions?  Ask the folks in france how open borders are working.   We can, and should help, but we don't need to bring them here.

Xenophobia, racism, et al, are a big driver of hate... 

America - a nation of immigrants afraid of foreigners.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.