Most embarrassing trip to the doctor....

northGAcock

let’s hear yours?

i have an appointment this afternoon to have my @ss checked out. I busted it on the steps last week headed out to the egg (still put it in off topic) with a deep dish Chicago Pizza....when I stepped on my dog....whom I did not see. My butt (not the pork kind) did not really hurt that bad at the time, but as time passed it got worse and worse. I asked Party (Pattie) to take a look between the crack of my @ss to see it there might be a boil, scratch or lesion....we discussed the sickness and health clause just before I pulled my cheeks apart, and bent over for her peek. I got a “all looks good”......knowing full well she was really checking out my necked butt...and I caught her doing so. It didn’t spur any action....and quite frankly not sure the pain of love making (to my butt) would have been worth it. 

Fast forward to this afternoon. I have a four o’clock appointment with the doctor today. I just showered thinking I would wait late in the day to give him the absolute freshest view......my plan is to lead with “I bet my @ss is not the one you thought you would be looking at late on a Friday afternoon” he should take it ok I guess. At any rate, when I finish posting this, I plan to stop by the grocery and purchase some cheap flowers. I guess it’s the least I could do. 

I know you will all be on the edge edge of your seats waiting to hear how this goes...as I know I am. That said, sitting is a real pain n the @ss for me right now, so hope you folks enjoy it as I am not. 

I look forward to reading your own expierences as i am certain there is bound to be some who have had worse...and willing to share after a few starter drinks on a Friday afternoon / evening. Oh and I almost forgot....I saved the pizza from spilling. Turned out great!

Peace

blasting

Ding, ding, ding -  Friday night thread has been initiated!

Good luck with the a$$ appointment Robin.

pgprescott

Lucky for me mine is real boring. I woke up a few years ago and my legs were extremely sensitive. The skin I mean. So much so it was painful to wear jeans. I went in convinced I was going to die from some major blood clot or something only to find out it was a simple virus. Told me no worries it will pass in a couple days. It did. Doh! Thankfully. 

Jeremiah

theyolksonyou

I love you hippie. 

JethroVA

My doctor was giving me my annual prostate exam.
Doctor: Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during a prostate exam.
Me: But I don't have an erection.
Doctor: I'm not talking about you. 

GrillSgt

Not sure why I chose this thread but this needs to go somewhere.

AlbertaEgger

As I walked into the office and checked into the receptionist I couldn’t help but notice the cutie sitting behind the desk, stunning to say the least.

I don’t take freezing well, during my vasectomy I had 4 needles in each side and it wasn’t helping, in fact the needles were extremely painful.

I have always considered myself to have a fairly high pain tolerance.  

Anyways, during the procedure it became so painful at times I started passing out, that’s when the nurse called in the receptionist for some back up. She came into to give me oxygen, and placed her cold hands on my neck and face along with cold cloths to keep me from passing out. Junk hanging out and all through the medical cloth they cut a hole in to cover the rest of me.

Procedure took longer than intended, and I was fairly embarrassed. One of the worst experiences of my life, and I have had a few operations, they didn’t compare.

Botch

 ..............

FlyOverCountry

I was pretty embareassed when the doc told me my wife was pregnant coz the rubbers don’t work too well if you use them more an once.  Then with the second kid i thought i had it figured by washing them out but he said that didn’t help.

GrillSgt

In all honesty I don't embarrass, especially at my age. I have had a nurse smack my erection more than once. I was tempted to say thank you but thought better of it.

FlyOverCountry

We have three kids all boys.  The wife wants a girl but I keep tellin her I only shoot Y’s.

thetrim

You broke your ass bone!

six_egg

I have two that both will top that. As above I was having @ss pain at the end of my tailbone. After months of dealing with the pain I decided to have my fiance look at it. She said there was a hole there. I was like no way. So using a bathroom mirror and another mirror I seen my second @ss hole. I went to the doctor Navy type. While at the doctor's he said it was common and do I mind having some interns come look at too for experience. I figured what is a couple more. So in a small 10 X 10 examine room about 10 more people came in to look at the extra hole in my @ss. It was a Polynomial Cyst. My fiance had to change the bandages twice a day for six months. It was so bad. I had to marry her after all was over. 
           Second was trying to have a baby. Long story short had to have my sperm count checked to see if it was me. I went to the hospital. It just so happened that that day my friends Grandmother was working that area. I said hi and told her what I was doing and she gave me a cup. While trying to do my thing she kept opening the sliding door where I would leave the sample after you finished. Well I finally completed the task and left the sample. On the way out she smiled and said goodbye. Man that was embarrassing.  

thetrim

@DMW was telling me one time that he had to visit Dr Jellyfinger.  Right after the exam began, he noticed the doctor was holding onto his shoulders.  One hand on each shoulder

nolaegghead

Polynomial Cyst....very common among those frequenting polynomial equations...

CTMike

My wife was a medic in the Navy and was working the ER at the hospital on the Sub Base in Groton. A woman came in late one night wearing a trench coat. Her husband was deployed, she evidently became lonely, and started going to town with one of the old style glass Coke bottles. Drew a vacuum on it somehow and couldn’t remove it. 

The Doc used a dental style drill to put a hole in the bottom and equalize the pressure, came right out after that. She said “Well, since it has a hole in it,” grabbed it, and walked out. 

northGAcock

Checked in....new insurance info delivered. They told me to have a seat....they would be with me shortly. Somehow that wan’t funny.

CTMike

northGAcock said:

Checked in....new insurance info delivered. They told me to have a seat....they would be with me shortly. Somehow that wan’t funny.

Where’s @caliking when you need him?

Eggcelsior

Polynomial cyst might the funniest name for pilonidal cyst I've seen.

ColtsFan

Atlanta/Buckhead, GA of all places. Peachtree St. I believe. A gentlemen's club that had helicopters on the roof. Can't remember the name.... Fun weekend....

These were the events that led up to that embarrassing Dr's visit. 

I'll let you fill in the blanks 

Foghorn

Eggcelsior said:

Polynomial cyst might the funniest name for pilonidal cyst I've seen.

Although they are generally shaped like a polynomial curve...

Botch

CTMike said:

The Doc used a dental style drill to put a hole in the bottom and equalize the pressure, came right out after that. She said “Well, since it has a hole in it,” grabbed it, and walked out. 

"What's that whistling sound coming from Mommy's bedroom?"  

johnmitchell

Pouring my drink and standing by Robin...

JohnInCarolina

Robin’s going to see the @ss man!  I love it!

nolaegghead

....might have "accidentally" fallen on a toy car...

johnmitchell

Deep Dish pizza....Pffffff..

REB17

True story. Not me but a good friend who was healthy as a horse and never went to Dr. other than physicals for work. After 3rd child, wife says he has to have a vasectomy. Shortly after procedure, he has follow up visit where they give him a cup and ask for sample. He proceeds to pee in the cup and return to nurse, where he's promptly told that's not the sample they need. Fast forward 6 months when has a urinary tract infection. Nurse gives him a cup and asks for sample. Yep, he returns with a sperm sample and was told that's not what they meant. He said at that point, he just walked out. Too embarrassed to ever go back 

northGAcock

Contusion or fracture of the ass bone. I opted not to get the x-ray as treatment would be no different....and have no interest in hanging around flu like places. Got some pain meds and off to purchase a donut (not Krispy Kreme).

DMW

northGAcock said:

Contusion or fracture of the ass bone. I opted not to get the x-ray as treatment would be no different....and have no interest in hanging around flu like places. Got some pain meds and off to purchase a donut (not Krispy Kreme).

Well, that was anticlimactic...

Seriously Robin, glad it's nothing serious, hope it mends quickly.

caliking

thetrim said:

@DMW was telling me one time that he had to visit Dr Jellyfinger.  Right after the exam began, he noticed the doctor was holding onto his shoulders.  One hand on each shoulder

The first time I met him at Salado, @henapple pulled me aside and asked if it was normal for his , ahem , "his friend's" doctor to do rectal exams with both hands. On his shoulders. 
And I said "yes, absolutely." 

Figured it was a TN thang.