Most embarrassing trip to the doctor....

JohnInCarolina

northGAcock said:

Contusion or fracture of the ass bone. I opted not to get the x-ray as treatment would be no different....and have no interest in hanging around flu like places. Got some pain meds and off to purchase a donut (not Krispy Kreme).

Take care of yourself man.  That Butt needs to be completely healed in time for the Blast!

Gulfcoastguy

I had to tell my doc about a large skin tag locate near my right bad. It was being rubbed raw when I walked. He recommended it’s removal. During the surgery I had to hold the boys to the side and out of the way of the scalpel. His nurse was fugly and twice my age.

StillH2OEgger

https://youtu.be/IulcfUm-cUM

Ozzie_Isaac

caliking said:

thetrim said:

@DMW was telling me one time that he had to visit Dr Jellyfinger.  Right after the exam began, he noticed the doctor was holding onto his shoulders.  One hand on each shoulder

The first time I met him at Salado, @henapple pulled me aside and asked if it was normal for his , ahem , "his friend's" doctor to do rectal exams with both hands. On his shoulders. 
And I said "yes, absolutely." 

Figured it was a TN thang. 

Only problem is it needs to be bareback or else they can't feel anything.

JRWhitee

@northGAcock Pics or it didn't happen!

Cashfan

@northGAcock, hope you feel better soon!

I cut my ring finger nearly to the bone by the knuckle, washed it off under the sink, put a bandaid on and went back to work. 10 days later it was turning green, oozing stuff and swollen to almost three times the normal size. The Dr. was going on and on about multiple surgeries (tendon was cut and couldn't be reattached until the infection and swelling went down), a week in the hospital and infection treatment. I asked if he cut the finger off if it would save me money and I could home that night. He turned beet red and went on a bit of a tirade about how they don't cut body parts off at one of the best hospitals in the world. I tried not to laugh, but failed, making him even madder.

I ended up having two surgeries, spent a week in the hospital, and had put medicine into a pic line three times day for 6 weeks. 

I had a rare and deadly infection, probably because of the unclean blade (fish guts) that sliced my finger, and the fact that I did not go in for 10 days. Would have been in and out (with tendon surgery) if I had gone in right away, but I thought was just a cut. Nothing some tape, gauze, superglue and time wouldn't fix. They said I would have gotten very sick in couple more days and been close to death in week. They took pictures during surgery for teaching purposes. They wouldn't give copies, royalties or discounts for them.

Ozzie_Isaac

JRWhitee said:

@northGAcock Pics or it didn't happen!

This is the one thread where that does not apply

northGAcock

JRWhitee said:

@northGAcock Pics or it didn't happen!

I can’t hold the phone /camara and hold the cheeks open at the same time. Pattie out of town so you gonna have to wait.

northGAcock

CTMike said:

My wife was a medic in the Navy and was working the ER at the hospital on the Sub Base in Groton. A woman came in late one night wearing a trench coat. Her husband was deployed, she evidently became lonely, and started going to town with one of the old style glass Coke bottles. Drew a vacuum on it somehow and couldn’t remove it. 

The Doc used a dental style drill to put a hole in the bottom and equalize the pressure, came right out after that. She said “Well, since it has a hole in it,” grabbed it, and walked out. 

This is too funny..

DoubleEgger

Man you sure do have dog troubles. Get well soon buddy. 

lousubcap

After the above, I doubt there will be any more "Can You Top this" especially for Friday.  I am thankful that I can not adequately participate, but that doesn't mean I won't make the next chapter.  

thetrim

 Female Army CPT, I was a 2LT.  She decided I needed to learn the proper technique to do a testicular cancer self examination.  I’ll save more details until I’m deeper into LEO.  I‘m still scarred from it.  

lousubcap

@thetrim - surely she couldn't "turn a train down a dirt road??"  But upon further review...

nolaegghead

thetrim said:

 Female Army CPT, I was a 2LT.  She decided I needed to learn the proper technique to do a testicular cancer self examination.  I’ll save more details until I’m deeper into LEO.  I‘m still scarred from it.  

This is how "crush" videos are made...

CTMike

My bride’s other cocker happened while she was stationed at the Clinic at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in Kittery, ME, and they got a call to Navy Housing (she was an EMT). They arrive to find the husband bloody from his chest to his feet, and the wife was bleeding from a head wound and dazed. Turns out they were getting amorous in the kitchen, and she went into a Grand Mal seizure. He resorts to the only method at hand to get her jaws apart - a frying pan, trying to knock her unconscious. 

She came home the next morning and told me the story, I didn’t believe her. I went to the clinic to pick up a script that afternoon, and overheard discussion about how the husband was transferred to one of the hospitals in Boston to get reattached. 

nolaegghead

CTMike said:

My bride’s other cocker happened while she was stationed at the Clinic at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in Kittery, ME, and they got a call to Navy Housing (she was an EMT). They arrive to find the husband bloody from his chest to his feet, and the wife was bleeding from a head wound and dazed. Turns out they were getting amorous in the kitchen, and she went into a Grand Mal seizure. He resorts to the only method at hand to get her jaws apart - a frying pan, trying to knock her unconscious. 

She came home the next morning and told me the story, I didn’t believe her. I went to the clinic to pick up a script that afternoon, and overheard discussion about how the husband was transferred to one of the hospitals in Boston to get reattached. 

There's gotta be a lesson here, I just can't suss it out...

CTMike

nolaegghead said:

CTMike said:

My bride’s other cocker happened while she was stationed at the Clinic at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in Kittery, ME, and they got a call to Navy Housing (she was an EMT). They arrive to find the husband bloody from his chest to his feet, and the wife was bleeding from a head wound and dazed. Turns out they were getting amorous in the kitchen, and she went into a Grand Mal seizure. He resorts to the only method at hand to get her jaws apart - a frying pan, trying to knock her unconscious. 

She came home the next morning and told me the story, I didn’t believe her. I went to the clinic to pick up a script that afternoon, and overheard discussion about how the husband was transferred to one of the hospitals in Boston to get reattached. 

There's gotta be a lesson here, I just can't suss it out...

Yah, maybe as simple as don’t let someone with epilepsy perform certain acts. 

nolaegghead

Bingo!  Or always carry a shoe-horn...

thetrim

I didn’t Know Lorraine Bobbit was a navy wife

northGAcock

Appreciate all the well wishes. Wife out of town and I have a remote on the couch. I’ll get by! Cheers all!

blasting

northGAcock said:

Appreciate all the well wishes. Wife out of town and I have a remote on the couch. I’ll get by! Cheers all!

You're a good sport to bring this up on a Friday night.  All the best - tip a glass.

CTMike

Hope you feel better soon dude, looking forward to meeting you at Burning Loin in a couple weeks. 

nolaegghead

Toy car will pass....eventually 

MotownVol

Somewhere around 1982, when I was young and invincible, I grew up around a beautiful lake mountain lake called South Holston.   It sits on the Tennessee and Virginia state line.  There is a bridge that crosses the lake called near the center of the lake, called 421 bridge.

Many of my friends and I used to jump off of the bridge into the lake countless times.   Depending on the lake level, the jump was between a 25'-35' drop.  

After about a 12 pack each one afternoon, my best friend and I took the jump for the 101st time.   Gary, my buddy landed wrong, hitting the water hard and had a similar affliction to what you are experiencing now.   I had to help him up the very steep bank to climb out of the lake, and after visiting the doctor he got to sit on the donut for a solid two months.    

Time will heal the wound.

northGAcock

blasting said:

northGAcock said:

Appreciate all the well wishes. Wife out of town and I have a remote on the couch. I’ll get by! Cheers all!

You're a good sport to bring this up on a Friday night.  All the best - tip a glass.

You got to laugh at yourself sometimes. 

northGAcock

MotownVol said:

Somewhere around 1982, when I was young and invincible, I grew up around a beautiful lake mountain lake called South Holston.   It sits on the Tennessee and Virginia state line.  There is a bridge that crosses the lake called near the center of the lake, called 421 bridge.

Many of my friends and I used to jump off of the bridge into the lake countless times.   Depending on the lake level, the jump was between a 25'-35' drop.  

After about a 12 pack each one afternoon, my best friend and I took the jump for the 101st time.   Gary, my buddy landed wrong, hitting the water hard and had a similar affliction to what you are experiencing now.   I had to help him up the very steep bank to climb out of the lake, and after visiting the doctor he got to sit on the donut for a solid two months.    

Time will heal the wound.

Doc said 4-12 weeks. I told him I was good with the lesser. 

Botch

nolaegghead said:

CTMike said:

My bride’s other cocker happened while she was stationed at the Clinic at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard in Kittery, ME, and they got a call to Navy Housing (she was an EMT). They arrive to find the husband bloody from his chest to his feet, and the wife was bleeding from a head wound and dazed. Turns out they were getting amorous in the kitchen, and she went into a Grand Mal seizure. He resorts to the only method at hand to get her jaws apart - a frying pan, trying to knock her unconscious. 

She came home the next morning and told me the story, I didn’t believe her. I went to the clinic to pick up a script that afternoon, and overheard discussion about how the husband was transferred to one of the hospitals in Boston to get reattached. 

There's gotta be a lesson here, I just can't suss it out...

The lesson I'm taking from it, is the value of having at least one heavy, cast-iron frypan.  

bgebrent

Was working ER at UK as a student.  Dad brings his 5-6 yr old son in for bleeding from nose after the boy stuffed a small plastic car up his nose.  Dad’s all over the kid “why did you shove that car up your nose?”, “how could you get a toy car stuck in your nose?”...  ENT solved the problem. STG 4 or so hours later, the Dad returned to the ER with the car stuck up in his nose.  He wasn’t as verbose on this visit.  You can imagine the circumstances.  Difficult not laughing!

Ozzie_Isaac

bgebrent said:

Was working ER at UK as a student.  Dad brings his 5-6 yr old son in for bleeding from nose after the boy stuffed a small plastic car up his nose.  Dad’s all over the kid “why did you shove that car up your nose?”, “how could you get a toy car stuck in your nose?”...  ENT solved the problem. STG 4 or so hours later, the Dad returned to the ER with the car stuck up in his nose.  He wasn’t as verbose on this visit.  You can imagine the circumstances.  Difficult not laughing!

OMG!  Epic karma right there.

Legume

That’s just crazy.  I can’t believe there weren’t any other ERs around.