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Fess Up- worst Christmas gift you have ever given...(STD’s don’t count)

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  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 32,757
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    The Cen-Tex Smoker said:
    We watched SNL this weekend and there was a skit about the whole family bragging about getting everything they wanted. It showed the mom (Kristen Wiig) doing everything behind the scenes to make the magic happen and she got a robe. The dog also got a robe. Funny stuff. 

    Janell looked over and said “so true”. I was like “WTF”? I like to think of myself as a fairly thoughtful gift giver but janell informed me that around 10-11 years ago I gave her a renewed subscription to XM radio. I bought it that morning and printed the receipt and put it in her stocking. She was like “thanks, you paid a bill” (she didn’t say a word then but said that yesterday). 

    I don’t remember this at all (but she damn Does 😂) but I am so embarrassed by that one. 

    I’m usually pretty good (I love giving gifts so I usually put some effort into it).  I’m sure I have laid a few other turds along the way but this one has the be the lowest for me. 

    Can anyone beat that one? 

    this year put the bill for xm radio into her stocking =)
    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
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  • northGAcock
    northGAcock Posts: 15,164
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    I gifted to my girlfriend (a few years before we married), a lens for my camera. It didn’t go over well. 
    Ellijay GA with a Medium & MiniMax

    Well, I married me a wife, she's been trouble all my life,
    Run me out in the cold rain and snow
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  • Langner91
    Langner91 Posts: 2,120
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    To be fair, she told me how hard it is to remove the chalaza when making noodles.  So, I found a tool.


    Clinton, Iowa
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  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 32,757
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    worst gift came with tons of points. drunken trip to new york city with the guys back in college, went to the big macys. bought a macys box for lingerie,that place was way out of my price line back then when they had the one store, yes you can buy just the box. filled it from something from kmart..

    on another note, a couple years ago bought my dads new girlfriend an expensive bottle champagne, hand painted bottle etc.  dad had just started dating her and there really was no reason to even buy her a xmas gift, she reamed me big the next day for buying her booze and gave it back. she gifted me a pack of fruit of the looms tighty whiteys, i just bit my lip.  a week later she googled the champagne and wanted it back. what a b....
    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
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  • Florida Grillin Girl
    Florida Grillin Girl Posts: 4,973
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    Well, my worst Christmas gift ever was just last Christmas, so still too fresh in my mind to go into detail about (It was cringe-worthy, trust me).

    I have always said to guys that if you just listen throughout the year, and maybe take some notes so you remember, I'm pretty sure your wife/GF will say it straight up what she wants/ would like. It's not rocket science. When all else fails and you can't think of anything, buy her JEWELRY. If you think she has enough jewelry, you are wrong. 

    Needless to say, I am not too excited to see what I get this year, so wish me luck!
    Happily egging on my original large BGE since 1996... now the owner of 5 eggs. Call me crazy, everyone else does!
     
    3 Large, 1 Small, 1 well-used Mini
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  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 32,757
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    Florida Grillin Girl said:
    Well, my worst Christmas gift ever was just last Christmas, so still too fresh in my mind to go into detail about (It was cringe-worthy, trust me).

    I have always said to guys that if you just listen throughout the year, and maybe take some notes so you remember, I'm pretty sure your wife/GF will say it straight up what she wants/ would like. It's not rocket science. When all else fails and you can't think of anything, buy her JEWELRY. If you think she has enough jewelry, you are wrong. 

    Needless to say, I am not too excited to see what I get this year, so wish me luck!

    now we have to guess.  more cringe worthy than childrens underwear from your 70 year old dads girlfriend =)
    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
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  • GrateEggspectations
    GrateEggspectations Posts: 9,292
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    JohnInCarolina said:
    Pro-tip: if you’re going to go the new vacuum route, at least make it a Dyson.
    We are having a debate about the appropriateness of a Dyson as a post-Xmas birthday gift for my M-I-L. Hard for anyone to judge without knowing her, but having just bought a V10 myself, I think a V11 for her is a great option. 
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  • nolaegghead
    nolaegghead Posts: 42,102
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    Foghorn said:
    One Christmas many years ago when I was working 100+ hours a week, I got to the mall on Christmas Eve just before they closed - or so I thought.  I had a plan to buy my wife some earrings.  When I get in the mall, most of the stores are still open, but the jewelry store has closed early.  "Closed" means that the gate/bars that come out of the ceiling are nearly all the way down to the floor - but they come up about 6 inches shy of the floor and there is one guy in the store closing out the register.

    I can see the earrings I want to buy through one of the windows.  I call the guy over and beg him to sell them to me.  He tells me he can't.  I beg some more and he tells me the register is closed.  I beg some more and show him some cash that will more than cover the price of the earrings - and I tell him that he can ring up the sale the next time he is in the store and keep the difference.  

    We transact the deal near the floor in the 6" area under the gate.

    The next day she opens the earrings and proclaims that she loves them and that I have exceeded her expectations.

    Thinking that she will find the story amusing, I tell her about the purchase process.

    She then decides that they are the worst gift ever because I didn't spend weeks or months in stores thinking about her as I pondered the perfect gift.

    I'm not sure she ever wore the earrings.

    When I told this story to her brother he told me "Dude, you're my hero" because I was the most efficient Christmas shopper he has ever met.
    Just goes to show you the quality of gift and the thought that counts are *not* mutually exclusive.
    ______________________________________________
    I love lamp..
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  • nolaegghead
    nolaegghead Posts: 42,102
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    You get a pass on bad aim because you were 16...
    ______________________________________________
    I love lamp..
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  • xfire_ATX
    xfire_ATX Posts: 1,115
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    The Cen-Tex Smoker said:
    xfire_ATX said:
    Apparently as a kid/ teen I would gift my Dad odd stuff. I bought him boat bumpers one year as we never had enough and he looked at me and said just that. I quit getting him anything besides quilted flannel shirts.
    Ha ha the boat bumpers were actually a way more thought out gift than quilted flannels but also a subtle “eff you” for not having enough bumpers. Well done. 
    My Dad is gone now and when we cleaned out his stuff my Brother is now wearing 1/2 dozen quilted flannel shirts.
    XLBGE, LBGE, Charbroil Gas Grill, Weber Q2000, Old Weber Kettle, Rectec RT-B380, Yeti 65, Yeti Hopper 20, RTIC 20, RTIC 20 Soft Side - Too many drinkware vessels to mention.

    Not quite in Austin, TX City Limits
    Just Vote- What if you could choose "none of the above" on an election ballot? Millions of Americans do just that, in effect, by not voting.  The result in 2016: "Nobody" won more counties, more states, and more electoral votes than either candidate for president. 
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  • BigreenGreg
    BigreenGreg Posts: 581
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    CornfedMA said:
    Fair warning. This one is at least PG-13. Read on, or don’t. 


    Ok. When we were 16, we all had that one girl in school we were after. Well around Christmas about 22 yrs ago, I had worked up the courage to ask her out. We had been out together a few times. December 23rd was our 3rd or 4th date. I pick her up for a night out. Went to a movie I think. The night was going really well. I bring her home afterward and her folks were still out at a late night Xmas party. We decided to get to know each other a bit better on the loveseat next to the tree. Before things went too far, in my teenage excitement, I left an unintended surprise all over the Xmas gifts a few feet away. I was crushed with embarrassment and she had to spend the next couple hours opening and re-wrapping all the gifts under the tree. Easily the worst “gift” I’ve given anyone, ever. 
    She could have just said “Santa came early this year” and had it covered. Rough one for sure.
    LBGE, 36" Blackstone, Anova Pro
    Charleston, SC
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  • CornfedMA
    CornfedMA Posts: 491
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    @JohnInCarolina if there was any silver lining to whole incident, it was that I wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the kid in those movies. This had gone on for a little bit. The young lady was giving me “a hand” while I thought about every stupid trick in the book to stave off the inevitable. So aim was all her fault @nolaegghead
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  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    CornfedMA said:
    @JohnInCarolina if there was any silver lining to whole incident, it was that I wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the kid in those movies. This had gone on for a little bit. The young lady was giving me “a hand” while I thought about every stupid trick in the book to stave off the inevitable. So aim was all her fault @nolaegghead
    You don't still have her number, do you?
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
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  • U_tarded
    U_tarded Posts: 2,042
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    JohnInCarolina said:
    Battleborn said:
    JohnInCarolina said:
    Pro-tip: if you’re going to go the new vacuum route, at least make it a Dyson.
    I would say Roomba. 
    Ha!  It’s funny but my wife and I looked at the Cadillac version of one of those recently, because friends of ours have one and they love it.  And my wife is always complaining about how dirty our floors are.

    And yet I still know that if I bought her one for Christmas.... she would kill me.
    I ordered a mid level one for my wife on Black Friday specials.  Feeling guilty I gave it to her early.  It is well worth it.  We have 2 shedding dogs bad and we were vacuuming 3-4 times a week (all tile and hardwood in our house).  This thing rings a couple hours a day and has reduced our vacuuming to once a week.  So much time saved. 
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  • nolaegghead
    nolaegghead Posts: 42,102
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    I bought a Shark robot vacuum and it's been life changing.  Yeah, I tried them out maybe 15 years ago and the hardware sucked.
    ______________________________________________
    I love lamp..
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  • The Cen-Tex Smoker
    The Cen-Tex Smoker Posts: 22,970
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    I am almost embarrassed that I was so naive to think a used squatty potty might hold serve for the top spot. You guys never disappoint. 
    Keepin' It Weird in The ATX FBTX
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  • caliking
    caliking Posts: 18,731
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    There are no lousy gifts on this side. We celebrate Chrismahannukwanzawali, so starting in November, I buy for caliqueen all the things I "need". She, in turn, buys me all the things she needs. 

    No bad gifts. Everyone goes home happy =)

    #1 LBGE December 2012 • #2 SBGE February  2013 • #3 Mini May 2013
    A happy BGE family in Houston, TX.
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  • CigarCityEgger
    CigarCityEgger Posts: 2,109
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  • CigarCityEgger
    CigarCityEgger Posts: 2,109
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    I literally got a newly acquired GF some (nice, mind you) slippers one year. She got me a TV. Needless to say the TV stuck around longer than she did 
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  • dbCooper
    dbCooper Posts: 2,081
    edited December 2020
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    Received this perhaps 20 years ago, from my boss at the time.  The whole team of 20 or so got them (different times then).  I regifted to a family member the next year.  It has been regifted every year since to various generations of family members.  To my knowledge it has never been used.
    Seems they are still for sale...  http://www.turdtwister.com/
    *edit... As suggested, tagging @SGH


    LBGE, LBGE-PTR, 22" Weber, Coleman 413G
    Great Plains, USA
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  • The Cen-Tex Smoker
    The Cen-Tex Smoker Posts: 22,970
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    dbCooper said:
    Received this perhaps 20 years ago, from my boss at the time.  The whole team of 20 or so got them (different times then).  I regifted to a family member the next year.  It has been regifted every year since to various generations of family members.  To my knowledge it has never been used.
    Seems they are still for sale...  http://www.turdtwister.com/

    I’m dying. Hilarious. 😂 
    Keepin' It Weird in The ATX FBTX
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  • GrateEggspectations
    GrateEggspectations Posts: 9,292
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    dbCooper said:
    Received this perhaps 20 years ago, from my boss at the time.  The whole team of 20 or so got them (different times then).  I regifted to a family member the next year.  It has been regifted every year since to various generations of family members.  To my knowledge it has never been used.
    Seems they are still for sale...  http://www.turdtwister.com/

    My only question.... how could one post such a glorious thing and not tag @SGH?
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,485
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    dbCooper said:
    Received this perhaps 20 years ago, from my boss at the time.  The whole team of 20 or so got them (different times then).  I regifted to a family member the next year.  It has been regifted every year since to various generations of family members.  To my knowledge it has never been used.
    Seems they are still for sale...  http://www.turdtwister.com/
    *edit... As suggested, tagging @SGH


    If it had brass dies it would texture the extrusions, allowing them to hold onto the pasta sauce bett.....
    Whups, wrong thread.  Never mind.  
    _____________

    "Pro-Life" would be twenty students graduating from Sandy Hook next month  


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  • JohnInCarolina
    JohnInCarolina Posts: 30,975
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    dbCooper said:
    Received this perhaps 20 years ago, from my boss at the time.  The whole team of 20 or so got them (different times then).  I regifted to a family member the next year.  It has been regifted every year since to various generations of family members.  To my knowledge it has never been used.
    Seems they are still for sale...  http://www.turdtwister.com/
    *edit... As suggested, tagging @SGH


    I just feel bad for the poor souls who got stuck with the first generation of this gift, which as I understand it... lacked a safety retraction cord.
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
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  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 32,378
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    @CornfedMA - You go to the head of the class right there.  Good thing it was a Christmas experience or we would have never known.  But full props for telling the story.  
    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
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