Things you cooked but were so bad you had to go off topic

MaC122

So I decided I was going to smoke chicken wings. I got this. Smoke them at 250 for 2 hours with some fruit wood and then throw them in the fryer to crisp them up.  2 Hours later I toss them in the fryer and after 1 minute they look like crap....so I pull them out, rest them, the skin is like Al Bundy shoe leather.  Wife is coming home. Crank the oven to 375 and put the wings in to "crisp the skin". ...................I had Wendy's chicken sandwich for dinner.

Fred19Flintstone

You're thinking in terms of temp and TIME.  It doesn't work that way.  You have to think Temp (egg) & TEMP (internal food).  Cook to your target internal temp and you can forget Wendy's.  When I must think about time while egging, the unit of measurement is the "BEER".  Ya folla?

MaC122

Fred19Flintstone said:

You're thinking in terms of temp and TIME.  It doesn't work that way.  You have to think Temp (egg) & TEMP (internal food).  Cook to your target internal temp and you can forget Wendy's.  When I must think about time while egging, the unit of measurement is the "BEER".  Ya folla?

No...I don't...but haha thanks

nolaegghead

I ruined my first egg cook.  It was a roaster the size of a small turkey.  It ended getting tossed over the fence into the piranha pit of my neighbor's dogs.

Another incident, which I call "don't put a huge uncut branch of pecan with bark on your burning lump during a low n slow", resulted in a lump of chuck roast that tasted like it was rubbed with the the debris collected by a chimney sweep from a house where the residents burned all their garbage.

That also went into the pit.

Jstroke

My best was pizza. I was learning how to control temps in the beginning and was running 500 plus. I had the daisy wheel on. When I pulled the pizza they smelled kind of strong of smoke. It tasted like I had held it over the top of a diesel smokestack. My wife was thoroughly unimpressed. It was not a good start to egging. But persistence won.  

henapple

I threw away my first brisket. Dry is an understatement. One bite in I grabbed all the brisket off of everyone's plate and tossed it. 

AD18

Mine was an early low and slow roast of beef.  Went 3+ hours of Mesquite chunks as smoke wood.  Roast came out looking like a black bowling ball, wife could smell the roast before should could see it, and outside was hideous tasting.  Hacked off all the outside "bark" (or retread tire) and inside was actually quite tasty.  Never used mesquite again and only smoke anything for about 1 hour now.  Lesson learned:)

theyolksonyou

Pre egg I had no clue how to smoke/que. Had a little R2D2 smoker. Put in a butt, running fine, bed time and I don't want to get up so add plenty more wood and charcoal and go to bed. 

Came back in the morning to a big hunk of coal. Hard as a rock and black stuff chipping off. Warped grid. Busted off the "bark."  The very inside was actually edible. 

Thatgrimguy

I have 4 2" thick filet's. I had just gotten my egg and read about people closing the vents to "dwell" what a terrible, horrible idea. Those steaks were so bad we threw them in the garbage and ate grilled cheese for dinner.  I have nightmares about that. Well over $60 in meat. All gone. Further backs up my close the bottom before the top tip.

fishlessman

corned beef ribs, ten times saltier than corned beef. i think thats the only cook ive ever trashed

Jeremiah

Holy crap where do I start? Several pizzas, an apple cider injected butt, kabobs (with egghead guests no less), many steaks, wings, ....

redharley13

This thread makes me feel better.  Now I know that others have the same problems that I do.  For me it is like playing golf, some days great, some are OK and others you don't want to talk about.

Ozzie_Isaac

My very first attempt with a cheap offser attachment I got for a cheap grill from lowes.

I had no clue how to smoke.  Figured the more smoke the better.  So I had rolling black smoke.

I was poor so it was asparagus and squash.  The veggies ended up a pale grey color.  I imagine similiar to a drowned rat.  I bet a drowned rat would have tasted better.

I went back to grilling for a few years and used the smoker box as more grill space.

theyolksonyou

On the egg:  my first attempt at bacon. 

Cured bed and everything is going great!  Read up on bacon and I'm feeling great. Need plenty of smoke for bacon, right?  Well I loaded it up. Let or roll a couple of hours to 160. 

Well, I had the probe in the wrong place and WAY too much smoke. 

Came out as a big piece of leather straight out of a chimney. Sliced and fried a piece. Awful, no grease left, like licking an ashtray. 

Kept in the freezer to season beans and stuff like that. A little dab will do ya!

swordsmn

Wings  when I overdid cornstarch AND cooked too long  so I had dry, white'ish wing like meat.  LOL

SGH

Brother, believe this or not, years ago when I was a hippy and a power drinker, I left a brisket in unit #2 for over a month. You talk about a Texas meteorite. 

theyolksonyou

Cue @Mickey wing picture. 

beatarmy

@sgh I'm laughing out loud reading that

SmokingPiney

Smoking a whole ham and imbibing liberally with friends. I needed more coals to finish the smoke and put Matchlight on the bed without looking at the bag.. The jet fuel taste was an experience......

Fred19Flintstone

I'm laughing at @SGH being a hippy!

Mickey

theyolksonyou said:

Cue @Mickey wing picture. 

WIngs via adult beverage, football on TV and a nap. 

theyolksonyou

That makes me laugh every time. 

Ozzie_Isaac

I love that your lump is still burning.

Sardonicus

Last month, overcooked the spares and broke the bend test.
(A little too tender)

No excuse.  I know better.
(Still ate 'em, though)

fishlessman

@Mickey, time to sauce and flip those wings

Mickey

fishlessman said:

@Mickey, time to sauce and flip those wings

Flip hell. Used them for lump

bbqlearner

Almost burned my pork ribs...way past time intended when I fell asleep...almost becoming dried pork jerky ribs.....

NPHuskerFL

Whole Fresh Red Snapper (1st one I egged). Looked decent at best. Parts were dried out and others the texture was like moosh. Fail!  Learning from our errors is what makes us become better and develop our craft. 

SGH

beatarmy said:

@sgh I'm laughing out loud reading that

It surely happened my friend.

Fred19Flintstone said:

I'm laughing at @SGH being a hippy!

When I was younger, I sported a great mane. These days its stubble. I had long hair from about age 15 until my late 20's.

XC242

@SGH I thought the rule was photos or it didn't happen??

SGH

XC242 said:

@SGH I thought the rule was photos or it didn't happen??

Brother that happened back in the 80's. Its hard to post Polaroids