OT: your memorable lessons in life after marriage? Keep it clean…OK? :OT

kl8ton

Congrats John. 

20 years for us in January. 

Pro tip: If your wife is pregnant with your first child over Mother's day,  get her a mother's day gift.  Learn from my mistake.  I was reminded of this mistake again just the other day.  It's a joke now, but it took about 12 years to become a joke. 

lkapigian

Only pro tip I can offer, whenever "date night" is offered as a suggestion, please understand that it is supposed to be with your spouse.......don't ask me how I realized this 

fishlessman

JohnInCarolina said:

Langner91 said:

I've learned marriage is actually a lot like this BBQ forum.  It starts out friendly, then someone ruins it.

I did once look at my wife after a “disagreement” and wave my arms around at the house and say to her “this used to be a much more friendlier place”

She just glared at me and said “you are really weird sometimes” 

this actually works, act crazy insane and they dont know what to make of it. never go on defense, you will never dig youre way out

GrateEggspectations

Afternoon date in the rain. 

johnmitchell

GrateEggspectations said:

Afternoon date in the rain. 

Pics or it didn’t happen 😂

Legume

GrateEggspectations said:

Afternoon date in the rain. 

Pina coladas?

JohnInCarolina

GrateEggspectations said:

Afternoon date in the rain. 

afternoon delight?

Legume

31 years here, and I have no f’n idea other than don’t argue things that don’t really matter to you and when asked where you want to eat, try to have an idea instead of playing ping pong with the question.

TEXASBGE2018

Legume said:

31 years here, and I have no f’n idea other than don’t argue things that don’t really matter to you and when asked where you want to eat, try to have an idea instead of playing ping pong with the question.

This. Still have that back and forth every time we eat. Adding two kids to the equation doesn't help either.

dmchicago

JohnInCarolina

Another in the same vein: learn to pick your battles.  Some things are worth holding your ground on, but most things... most things are not.  

Canugghead

Not as long as @RRP and @Mickey? (apology for missing other elders), but longer than most of the kiddos here. Many great tips here, not much left for me to say 

lousubcap

Some battles are worth the challenge, just because.  

RRP

Canugghead said:

Not as long as @RRP and @Mickey? (apology for missing other elders), but longer than most of the kiddos here. Many great tips here, not much left for me to say 

Thanks for remembering…yes, we will hit mile marker 56 in August which means we have been married longer than most posters here have even been alive! 

U_tarded

JohnInCarolina said:

Happens to be our anniversary today.  We’ve been married for 18 years.  Our marriage is old enough to vote.

Probably the big lesson for me is to keep focus on what it is you value.  Life gets stressful or tense or challenging at times.  Nobody’s life is easy, and there are a lot of distractions.  It’s easy to let the world creep in and take your focus away from what it is you value, like your relationships with family and friends, or the time you have with your children when they’re young.

All of us, the fact of the matter is that our time here is short.  Every day is a gift.

This is awesome, we had #12 yesterday for us.  

We spent the weekend prepping our house to list it.  That being said avoid moving!  This is only our 2nd move but it sure does bring up the arguments like what to do, what to keep, what goes where. etc.

lousubcap

Upon further review, if I/we make it to early Sep of this year it will mark 40 years of entertainment bliss.  I will offer a PM for anyone who wants to learn how a life-style of parallel universes is extremely valuable.  
Lots of worthwhile material above, depending on your road ahead.  FWIW-

JohnInCarolina

U_tarded said:

JohnInCarolina said:

Happens to be our anniversary today.  We’ve been married for 18 years.  Our marriage is old enough to vote.

Probably the big lesson for me is to keep focus on what it is you value.  Life gets stressful or tense or challenging at times.  Nobody’s life is easy, and there are a lot of distractions.  It’s easy to let the world creep in and take your focus away from what it is you value, like your relationships with family and friends, or the time you have with your children when they’re young.

All of us, the fact of the matter is that our time here is short.  Every day is a gift.

This is awesome, we had #12 yesterday for us.  

We spent the weekend prepping our house to list it.  That being said avoid moving!  This is only our 2nd move but it sure does bring up the arguments like what to do, what to keep, what goes where. etc.

We have moved once as a married couple, and we did it at the same time my wife was expecting our second child.  Here’s a pro tip: DEFINITELY DO NOT DO THAT!

Botch

I have nothing to contribute to this thread, but have enjoyed it/learned so much regardless.  Thanks, folks!  

dmchicago

Seven moves  as a couple. One was 200 feet. That may have been the hardest. 

Botch

dmchicago said:

Seven moves  as a couple. One was 200 feet. That may have been the hardest. 

Uphill?    

lousubcap

Botch said:

dmchicago said:

Seven moves  as a couple. One was 200 feet. That may have been the hardest. 

Uphill?    

Both ways!

caliking

lousubcap said:

Upon further review, if I/we make it to early Sep of this year it will mark 40 years of entertainment bliss.  I will offer a PM for anyone who wants to learn how a life-style of parallel universes is extremely valuable.  
Lots of worthwhile material above, depending on your road ahead.  FWIW-

When asked about the secret behind 60 years of happy marriage, a gentleman replied...
"We enjoy eating dinner at restaurants.
I go on Mon, Tues, Wed, and she goes on Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun". 

DuckDogDr

Not been technically married but had a live in girl friend for 2 years that was bat s*** crazy and she tried to file the whole common law thing when we broke up (her brother was a bottom feeder… aka lawyer).. it was definitely an eye opening experience.. and depending on your perspective for better or worse.I can only feel sorry for you gents that have had to legally undo everything vs me just trying get away from the wench without her stealing my dog.
so I’m commenting 

Right or wrong keep finances separate as much as possible.. Among all my married friends the ones that each have their own accounts have the least strife.
It works well for me and my current gf of almost 3 years. Realistically we are probably too extreme with it as neither one of us are truly stingy but our exes did their best to completely empty our bank accounts and make us live like paupers while they enjoyed the Miller high life and neither one of us is willing to go through that again. Her ex husband essentially saw $$ signs with her before they got married 

Our 2nd or 3rd date she said before we go any further she said to be clear we will never share bank accounts or have joint credit cards.. you will not be put on my mortgage and I do not expect nor will I sign to be on yours. .. if we decide to get a house the mortgage will be 50/50 and we will each write 50% from our individual accounts…
I just looked at her and shrugged .. said good glad you said that for me.. and we have lived up to that bargain and everything else has been easy peasy. 

There are some people that think that’s crazy..but it works for us.

When we go on vacation:  one trip she pays for the hotel and I pay for the excursion and the next is vice versa. If we drive each person fills up every other tank.. 

We’re up front and direct with everything no “hints” 

Doing the dishes once or twice a week goes a long way with brownie points. 

She Cooks 80% of the time to feed me but when I’m actually off and not dead on my feet she is rewarded with nice restaurants and fancy egged dinners …
Ie… don’t take her services for granted. 

Sometimes when she asks you to do something… she’s just as tired as you

theyolksonyou

Reading these comments.  I’m glad I married the woman I did.  Coming up in 25 yrs of marriage and 30 yrs of relationship. We just get along.  We all are incredibly sarcastic (2 boys) and it works.  FTW

edit: I made some sarcastic comments previously in this thread. So there.  I’m an as$hole.  Whatever

SaltySam

Silent resentment almost broke us. After months of bickering, we decided to get divorced. That enabled me the courage to finally be honest and tell her what I really felt, what angered me, what I needed.  

I’d been quiet, and avoided conflict the entire time.  It was like relationship cancer.  

Those open, honest discussions let us understand that (luckily) there was still a bond.  We decided that we’d cautiously try again, promising to be honest all the time, even if it meant bad news.  

It fostered trust and a new respect for each other.  I realize that it might be common sense to be honest with your spouse, but for me it was a challenge.  

We celebrate 15 years married this September.  Not every day is perfect, but we are light years away from where we were several years ago.  She’s forever, for sure.  

GrateEggspectations

@saltysam

Excellent, honest post about the work that a marriage can take. Thank you for sharing. “There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.”

Mickey

Canugghead said:

Not as long as @RRP and @Mickey? (apology for missing other elders), but longer than most of the kiddos here. Many great tips here, not much left for me to say 

Will be 53 if we stay together till Sept.
 @RRP dose it get easier in numbers 53,54,and 55?

theyolksonyou

Mickey said:

Canugghead said:

Not as long as @RRP and @Mickey? (apology for missing other elders), but longer than most of the kiddos here. Many great tips here, not much left for me to say 

Will be 53 if we stay together till Sept.
 @RRP dose it get easier in numbers 53,54,and 55?

I’ll be watching for an answer, but I expect to be dead by then. 

Canugghead

@lousubcap @Mickey what’s with September? 43 here in Sep.

ksmyrl

22 years here. 99.99% has been awesome. Only thing I got different than the great advice already shared is...when you are feeling un-appreciated...she is too.