Sauscutapalooza (AWSS5 - the final conflict)

Foghorn

OK. After the bread shaming episode this morning, my son and I went home and collected yeast off the family heritage roller pin that has been passed down since one of my ancestors brought it from the old country hundreds of years ago. We also picked up some lard. Then we stopped by a local dairy farm and collected some milk and made buttermilk using an old family process.  We also churned some butter using the old family churn that I learned to use during summers at my grandparents’ farm. Next door in the countryside was a wheat farm and we collected some wheat and handground it because it was the mule’s day off (meaning my son grabbed the long pole and walked in circles where the mule would normally walk).  Then we made it back to our cabin in time to make some rolls from scratch - because only that would be good enough for our homemade bratwursts from our pigs. 

bgebrent

Fantastic.

theyolksonyou

That looks incredibly like a brown and serve.  Great work!  Authentic. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Foghorn said:

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

20stone said:

Foghorn said:

@Legume, you are onto something. Even when we camped in a trailer at the pig farm as this entire process was getting its start, his requirements for what he considered a satisfactory mattress were legendary. 

@Fog, I admit I may have been a little "Princess and the Pea" regarding sleeping arrangements.  However, between the multi-species feces, the bucket-o-porn and the "relaxed" donkey, that first effort out at the farm was miles, and time zones, and light-years away from "glamping".  

confirmed.

Agreed.  But didn't that make his "tenderness" stand out all the more - by contrast?  The rest of us were essentially ready to crash on the ground wherever there was a feces-free spot under the tree.

Good luck finding a feces free spot out there. That would be like a unicorn sighting. You just have to lay down a mat of porn from the bucket as a feces barrier if you are going to risk sleeping outside. 

You can always tell where the feces free spots out there are. It's where all the animals are gathered around $hitting on it. 

20stone

@Foghorn, nice work on the rolls.....I suppose. I view it as a step in the right direction that you now admit how you SHOULD have made them. 

@The Cen-Tex Smoker, you are correct, and both of you have given me a proper gut buster. Thank you both for the laugh

Foghorn

theyolksonyou said:

That looks incredibly like a brown and serve.  Great work!  Authentic. 

Thanks @theyolksonyou, we were shooting for King's Hawaiian.  We got EXCEPTIONALLY close.

And @The Cen-Tex Smoker, when bed time actually came out at the pig farm, sleeping on some porn laid over multi-species feces would have been more than sufficient for most of us after all that Belgian beer...

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Foghorn said:

theyolksonyou said:

That looks incredibly like a brown and serve.  Great work!  Authentic. 

Thanks @theyolksonyou, we were shooting for King's Hawaiian.  We got EXCEPTIONALLY close.

And @The Cen-Tex Smoker, when bed time actually came out at the pig farm, sleeping on some porn laid over multi-species feces would have been more than sufficient for most of us after all that Belgian beer...

It was delicious. 

Legume

Foghorn said:

OK. After the bread shaming episode this morning, my son and I went home and collected yeast off the family heritage roller pin that has been passed down since one of my ancestors brought it from the old country hundreds of years ago. We also picked up some lard. Then we stopped by a local dairy farm and collected some milk and made buttermilk using an old family process.  We also churned some butter using the old family churn that I learned to use during summers at my grandparents’ farm. Next door in the countryside was a wheat farm and we collected some wheat and handground it because it was the mule’s day off (meaning my son grabbed the long pole and walked in circles where the mule would normally walk).  Then we made it back to our cabin in time to make some rolls from scratch - because only that would be good enough for our homemade bratwursts from our pigs. 

So now you’re glamping?  wtf?  Next you’re probably going to deny you brought any jiffy pop for the fire and pull out some artisanal blue popping corn.

caliking

Foghorn said:

OK. After the bread shaming episode this morning, my son and I went home and collected yeast off the family heritage roller pin that has been passed down since one of my ancestors brought it from the old country hundreds of years ago. We also picked up some lard. Then we stopped by a local dairy farm and collected some milk and made buttermilk using an old family process.  We also churned some butter using the old family churn that I learned to use during summers at my grandparents’ farm. Next door in the countryside was a wheat farm and we collected some wheat and handground it because it was the mule’s day off (meaning my son grabbed the long pole and walked in circles where the mule would normally walk).  Then we made it back to our cabin in time to make some rolls from scratch - because only that would be good enough for our homemade bratwursts from our pigs. 

Doesn’t count if you didn’t chop down a dead tree to hew the pole from. 

And as as usual , you made @keisterboy aka FogSpawn2 do all the heavy lifting. Typical. 

Foghorn

@caliking, I had to put in the part about him doing all the work so you wouldn’t think I just made that story up. 

@Legume, we are not cooking Jiddy Pop , but we do not have any pots or pans or cooking utensils other than the grill tongs and spatula that we brought.  We have done s’mores with all storebought ingredients. And we have some storebought crescent rolls to wrap around slices of Granny Smith apples. 

And I am sorry to inform 20stone that going with King’s Hawaiian was my son’s choice. So, I guess he needs a few more exposures to you home baking processes before my bad parenting will be washed away. 

With that said, my daughter informed me that the most popular thing on your breakfast table last weekend was a storebought jam. 

20stone

Foghorn said:

...With that said, my daughter informed me that the most popular thing on your breakfast table last weekend was a storebought jam. 

Ouch.  You really know how to hit a guy where it hurts.

Foghorn

Italian sausage patties from one of our pigs. (And storebought bacon). Yes, the patties ended up on storebought rolls. They were awesome. 

lkapigian

Foghorn said:

theyolksonyou said:

That looks incredibly like a brown and serve.  Great work!  Authentic. 

Thanks @theyolksonyou, we were shooting for King's Hawaiian.  We got EXCEPTIONALLY close.

And @The Cen-Tex Smoker, when bed time actually came out at the pig farm, sleeping on some porn laid over multi-species feces would have been more than sufficient for most of us after all that Belgian beer...

I LoL'd

Foghorn

So, we’ve had some of the mortadella today. It is fantastic just eaten straight up. 

With that said, we’ve probably seen too many episodes of Chopped and GGG.  We made mortadella musubi in a place with no pots or pans. We bought two aluminum bread pans at HEB. And some rice and pineapple and teriyaki sauce and nori (seaweed).  

We marinated some of the mortadella in teriyaki sauce. We boiled the rice and seared the mortadella over a campfire grill in the aluminum bread pans. My son did all the sushi rolling. 

Foghorn

More pics. 

Foghorn

Oh yeah. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Foghorn said:

More pics. 

This is super cool. Next level campfire $hit right there. Someone “won” their first national
championship eggfest with something like that but with all storebought Ingredients. 

“Play like a champion today”! 

Foghorn

Thanks @The Cen-Tex Smoker, it was a lot of fun with my son. 

#winning. 

caliking

Ya know, he's probably going to be happy to get back to college after you've been working him to the bone.

Foghorn

Fortunately, I’ve brainwashed him and he doesn’t think of this as work. 


On another note, I’ve got no recommendations for how to improve any of the sausages we’ve had so far. They’re outstanding. 

Legume

I’m thinking you haven’t lived until you’ve made mortadella sushi roll with homemade mortadella.  You are badasses.

Foghorn

Thanks @Legume, as the other members of the hairy hog club can confirm, I just provide beer and my share of the finances. And my son’s hard work. 

bgebrent

You MF need my address.

jeffwit

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

bgebrent

jeffwit said:

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

They need a delivery service.

theyolksonyou

bgebrent said:

jeffwit said:

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

They need a delivery service.

They need to expand. 

bgebrent

theyolksonyou said:

bgebrent said:

jeffwit said:

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

They need a delivery service.

They need to expand. 

Sounds like your dream garage.

Foghorn

jeffwit said:

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

I’m posting my cooks here - as opposed to starting a new thread - because I think that any cook I do from these pigs should be added to this thread so it can live longer. 

And stop encouraging 20stone. By giving this thread more life I’m hoping he won’t feel the need to go further down the rabbit hole. This can suffice. 

bgebrent

Foghorn said:

jeffwit said:

You guys seriously need to do this or something like it (or even bigger) again. The threads about your “adventures” are some of the most entertaining on the site. 

I’m posting my cooks here - as opposed to starting a new thread - because I think that any cook I do from these pigs should be added to this thread so it can live longer. 

And stop encouraging 20stone. By giving this thread more life I’m hoping he won’t feel the need to go further down the rabbit hole. This can suffice. 

+1 Rabbit hole.

caliking

I was having dinner with a German colleague last night. He was thoroughly tickled by our hog farming exploits, and by the fact that we made masalawurst (since he is well acquainted with German currywurst). 

He also busted out the 3-legged pig joke, which I still think is funny.