OT- What's the funniest thing you've "discovered" the next day after a night of one too many?

GrateEggspectations

Botch said:

johnnyp said:

Wasn’t even drinking....

....but I slept walked and pissed in my wife’s underwear drawer when we were still dating in college.

she married me anyway, so I must have some redeeming quality. Unsure what it is though...

Now I'm gonna bust up laughing every single time I see your handle!  

....speaking of which, "johnnyp" is looking pretty apt....

danv23

My brain, about 3 days later.

nolaegghead

Ok, I won't talk about the time I woke up with the stolen police car in my driveway, or when police knocked on my door and asked if I owned the car that was jumping ramps on the levee, or when I woke up on a cement floor staring up and the ceiling looked like what I imagined the New Orleans jail would look like, or when...oh, I'm not going there.

Here's one that doesn't have any legal implications. So, I woke up and seemed to remember the night before, our brisket camp lawyer and I were dranking, and things got a bit out of control.  We were in the man-bear-cave (half man, half bear, half cave).  Politics, legal stories, life stories, good times.  It got out of control.  I go out there after taking a post frozen Austin Powers leak and making a bourbon and Coke. Must have been a Sunday or Monday.  The shop is destroyed.  We somehow got into shooting high powered pellet rifles into anything deemed worthy of destruction (and my judgment was obviously impaired).  We were putting bottle and stuff on a table and round kicking them.  Shooting at targets that escalated into shooting CO2 cartridges and spray cans.  Sum of said activity was broken glass, plastic, consumer electronics, cans of stuff and other sh!t with .22 cal holes in it.  Holes in the wall behind a make-shift shield, a general sh!t show.

One could say I like to drink now and then.  One could say occasionally I lack prudent judgement, and optimist could say I live life to it's fullest.  At least I never ended up in a tattoo parlor.

nolaegghead

Clarification on one point above: I mean in a tattoo parlor with lack of judgement, not that there's anything wrong with tattoos unless you get them to be conform to an anti-conformist construct, which is totally antithetical to anti-conformity.

CPFC1905

stv8r said:

Logged onto my computer tonight and saw a Google image search for baby sea turtles???  No memory whatsoever of that lol.

'baby sea turtles' is that code for something?  
Or is that after Google has spell checked it and it originally started with 'babes'?

RRP

@johnnyp's  story reminded me of Jim, the husband of my secretary, Lynn, years ago. He was an IBM computer engineer back in the early days of large main frames. He was very smart and very driven. He and his IBM team would work for hours without sleep living on gallons of black coffee and cigarettes. When their tasks were completed they would just get totally wasted. Problem was when Jim would get home he would habitually pee in their kitchen oven! It wasn't just once either! One time Lynn tried to run a broom handle through the oven handle when she knew he would be coming home blitzed - it worked - but she caught him p!ssing in the refrigerator!

thetrim

So many stories about "friends"

Killit_and_Grillit

thetrim said:

So many stories about "friends"

@thetrim it’s not our fault that some of us have tolerances usually reserved for carnies and Irish dock workers. 

RajunCajun

Excersing my 5th amendment right.

Focker

We were beat up, sunburnt, half-lit, from an all day Peoria Eggfest sesh, and on our way to the campground to settle in for the Hawks playoff game.  

Pulled into a Casey's gas station in Viola, IL for more ice, case of Bud.  While I was replenishing the cooler, travelling companion fetched Advil, and took all 4 tabs.

Not even two hours later, she was passed out, fetal position, on the bench seat of my truck.
Just felt something wasn't right, she could always hold her own, it was too early for anything food related.  We have been festing in the sun all day.  She said she was ok, just really tired.  Temp, pulse felt fine, breathing normally, but she kept fading out.  Rounded on her throughout the game, but decided to head home, as we were in BFE, contemplating a stop in the ED.  

When I woke the next day, I was getting stuff out of the truck, glance down at the floorboard where the Advil packaging was resting, and notice two critical letters....PM.  Do the quick math, and realize she accidentally grabbed,  then ingested,152mg of Benadryl.   

Cashfan

One weekend I was visiting some friends out of town. We all got hammered at a party, and I got separated from them when going back to their house. When I got to the house, I was locked out and could not get in. Loud music, booze and a thunderstorm contributed to not hearing me at the door.

I went to get back in my car, and was locked out of that too. I ended up sleeping on the hood and windshield of my car in thunderstorm. It rained several inches that night, and I had nowhere to get away from it. Around midmorning I awoke to slamming car doors and people talking loudly, and found people going to church next door, not 50 yards away, checking out the drunk that was sleeping on his car soaking wet, with a bottle of whiskey next to me. Some were laughing, some were shaking their heads. 

Turns out I wasn't locked out my car, just too drunk to get the car door open. My friends had thought I took off for home when we left the party and locked the door and continued to party. 

Botch

stv8r said:

Logged onto my computer tonight and saw a Google image search for baby sea turtles???  No memory whatsoever of that lol.

The one that scares me the most is checking my "Buy Now with One-Click®" the next morning... 

JohnInCarolina

Spring break, junior year of college.  With three of my buddies we spent the week in South Padre Island.  I've not shared this story with too many people, for perhaps the obvious reasons.  

My aunt and uncle ran an RV business just outside of Brownsville.  To this day I'll never understand why they let me and my college friends borrow one of their RVs for the week, but they did.  So we set up on one of the trailer parks on the island, and that was our lodging for the week.  

If you've never heard of South Padre Island during spring break, it's a little hard to quite do justice to the bacchanal that is the mix of young college kids, sunshine, wet t-shirt contests, and an open container law.  One of the tamer things that happened the week we were there is that a kid who was clearly high on something ran with a full head of steam out the window of a 17th floor hotel room, reportedly cursing at the hotel security who'd been chasing him the whole way down.  

Anyway... there were four of us.  Me and my friends Jay, Dave, and Ken.  Ken was the solidly Irish member amongst us, one of those guys who could drink an entire bottle of southern comfort on his own and not lose a step.  One night when we were out at the bars we got separated.  Not all of us made it back to the RV.  When we woke up in the morning, Ken was missing.  We talked about where we'd last seen him and nobody really remembered.  Mind you, this was in the early 90's.  None of us had cell phones.   

I'll never forget Dave saying in that moment "Let's drive to the jail.  I bet he's in jail."  

We got to the jail around 11 or so.  We walk in and say to the officer at the front desk "Ah ... do you have a Ken MacFarland here?"

The officer looks up from her desk and without skipping a beat, says "Oh yeah.  We've got him."

So we say well what's the deal, do we need to bail him out or what?  She tells us that actually he's just about to appear in the courtroom before the judge and that if we wanted to, we could sit in the back of the courtroom and watch the proceedings.  You bet your ass we wanted to.

We snuck into the courtroom to join about 20 of our fellow travelers who had all had the same thoughts we did, that their missing friends had probably landed themselves in jail.  

My friends, I cannot begin to do justice to the comedy we witnessed over the next hour or so, as the judge proceeded to read the police reports from the night before, in all of their glorious detail,  for each of the defendants appearing in front of him.   There is an island running down the main drag of South Padre that separates the lanes.  One kid was arrested for public intoxication when the police found him hugging one of the trees in the island.  When asked what he was doing there, his only response was "can't you see, officer?  I'm dancing with my girlfriend!"

Another young man was caught walking down the beach with seven road signs in his hand.  The fine was $100 a sign.  After telling the judge he didn't have the money to pay the fine, the judge told him he could work it off in the jail, at a level of $50 a day.  Heckofa way to spend a spring break.  

So then Ken comes up.  He just tells the judge "Sir, I just want to pay my fine and be on my way."  Oh no, the judge says, "Mr. MacFarland, I haven't found you guilty of anything... yet."

Ken's police report was rather tame by comparison to some of the others we'd heard, though no less embarrassing for him. Apparently he'd wandered into a hotel that was not his by any stretch, and had made his way onto some balcony.  He proceeded to toss his cookies over the edge of the balcony, onto the unwitting spectators below.  Once picked up by the police, he also vomited into the door well in the back of the police car.  

Ken later told us that he had no memory of any of this, and that the last thing he remembers is waking up in the morning on the cement floor to see bars in front of his face.  

Fortunately for Ken he did have the money to pay the $200 fine and he was released.  We promised him that this was a story we would never share with anyone else, which lasted about one week after we got back to school.  

nolaegghead

Good story, "Ken"

JohnInCarolina

nolaegghead said:

Good story, "Ken"

^^^^ This guy, he gets things.  

lkapigian

Yesterday morning woke up to find a peanut butter jar lid on my night stand at the same time I could not find my sunglasses....this morning got up and finally found my sunglasses on top of the peanut butter jar that had no lid

nolaegghead

...and the dog seemed more excited than usual...

WeberWho

JohnInCarolina said:

We promised him that this was a story we would never share with anyone else, which lasted about one week after we got back to school.

This reminded me of an old drinking story. My friend started running his mouth at a party with a group of guys we didn't know. We knew it was time to leave but my friend wasn't having any of it. My buddy Andrew is still running his mouth as we are leaving towards the other group. The other group starts to following us as we keep pushing my friend towards the car. My friend Andrew is starting to get pissed that we are holding him back. He starts to wrestle my other friend Pat in the group. Andrew and Pat start to throw a couple punches at each other. Nothing more than a couple drunk friends being idiots towards one another. This happens right when the cops are pulling up to bust the house for underage drinking. They tackle my friend who was running his mouth and charge him for resisting arrest. My other friend Pat who was trying to get him to leave wasn't charged with anything. The funny part is that this is only one small sliver of the story but the rest is probably left best offline. A comedy movie could be based off that night alone. Nothing we all as friends couldn't laugh at the next morning. We are still like brothers nowadays. The stories we could write...

The point of the story is that my friend Pat ended up receiving a "Victim" and "Know your rights!" packet from a group representing assault victims. He still has the packet to this day and reminds my other friend Andrew who he got into a fight with that night that he's a recovering assault victim. He plays that card all the time without trying to crack a smile saying it! 

lkapigian

nolaegghead said:

...and the dog seemed more excited than usual...

Ya, I left that part out 

RRP

Focker said:

We were beat up, sunburnt, half-lit, from an all day Peoria Eggfest sesh, and on our way to the campground to settle in for the Hawks playoff game.  

Pulled into a Casey's gas station in Viola, IL for more ice, case of Bud.  While I was replenishing the cooler, travelling companion fetched Advil, and took all 4 tabs.

Not even two hours later, she was passed out, fetal position, on the bench seat of my truck.
Just felt something wasn't right, she could always hold her own, it was too early for anything food related.  We have been festing in the sun all day.  She said she was ok, just really tired.  Temp, pulse felt fine, breathing normally, but she kept fading out.  Rounded on her throughout the game, but decided to head home, as we were in BFE, contemplating a stop in the ED.  

When I woke the next day, I was getting stuff out of the truck, glance down at the floorboard where the Advil packaging was resting, and notice two critical letters....PM.  Do the quick math, and realize she accidentally grabbed,  then ingested,152mg of Benadryl.   

That had to have been Glitter Butt? 

YukonRon

Not real funny, but, after returning from vacation, I was told by My Beautiful Wife, for celebration of her upcoming 20th anniversary of quitting smoking, we were going to Disney.
Fatal Mistake #1: I said "Sure, it will be fun, and I know you like it.
Fatal Mistake #2 I then said "You arrange it, I'll take care of it."
Fatal Mistake #3 I then said, "Here, take  my card and have fun."
It is worth every single penny. A former 2 pack a day habit, has added years to my life enjoying the "Princess".
Though, we likely would have spent less without libations, I rationalize the trip paid for itself, by not spending money on tobacco for all those years.
Win/Win?    

nolaegghead

YukonRon said:

Not real funny, but, after returning from vacation, I was told by My Beautiful Wife, for celebration of her upcoming 20th anniversary of quitting smoking, we were going to Disney.
Fatal Mistake #1: I said "Sure, it will be fun, and I know you like it.
Fatal Mistake #2 I then said "You arrange it, I'll take care of it."
Fatal Mistake #3 I then said, "Here, take  my card and have fun."
It is worth every single penny. A former 2 pack a day habit, has added years to my life enjoying the "Princess".
Though, we likely would have spent less without libations, I rationalize the trip paid for itself, by not spending money on tobacco for all those years.
Win/Win?    

Not to mention all the medical bills and (gulp) worse. 

We make decisions, justify them, and when that encourages not-so-bad behavior to mitigate that which could be much worse, it's a win-win.

YukonRon

nolaegghead said:

YukonRon said:

Not real funny, but, after returning from vacation, I was told by My Beautiful Wife, for celebration of her upcoming 20th anniversary of quitting smoking, we were going to Disney.
Fatal Mistake #1: I said "Sure, it will be fun, and I know you like it.
Fatal Mistake #2 I then said "You arrange it, I'll take care of it."
Fatal Mistake #3 I then said, "Here, take  my card and have fun."
It is worth every single penny. A former 2 pack a day habit, has added years to my life enjoying the "Princess".
Though, we likely would have spent less without libations, I rationalize the trip paid for itself, by not spending money on tobacco for all those years.
Win/Win?    

Not to mention all the medical bills and (gulp) worse. 

We make decisions, justify them, and when that encourages not-so-bad behavior to mitigate that which could be much worse, it's a win-win.

Concur, although some effects have already manifested with her health, it is not as bad as it could have become.

There is a health cost and risk, that is annual, and real for us. Being somewhat over protective, as it seems to most, I react very quickly to any symptoms she has, which one could associate to smoking, long term, and the myriad of issues which stem from it.

I know many out there, which never seem to be at issue from smoking long term, and good for them, however, My Beautiful Wife, was not as fortunate.

No crisis here. In fact we hope to start a change in lifestyle that may benefit our health.
Life is great, and I want it to stay that way as long as I can.

Sorry for the hijack. It has been fun reading.

What is this "one too many" referred to in this thread actually mean?

I jest. Or am I?

Focker

RRP said:

Focker said:

We were beat up, sunburnt, half-lit, from an all day Peoria Eggfest sesh, and on our way to the campground to settle in for the Hawks playoff game.  

Pulled into a Casey's gas station in Viola, IL for more ice, case of Bud.  While I was replenishing the cooler, travelling companion fetched Advil, and took all 4 tabs.

Not even two hours later, she was passed out, fetal position, on the bench seat of my truck.
Just felt something wasn't right, she could always hold her own, it was too early for anything food related.  We have been festing in the sun all day.  She said she was ok, just really tired.  Temp, pulse felt fine, breathing normally, but she kept fading out.  Rounded on her throughout the game, but decided to head home, as we were in BFE, contemplating a stop in the ED.  

When I woke the next day, I was getting stuff out of the truck, glance down at the floorboard where the Advil packaging was resting, and notice two critical letters....PM.  Do the quick math, and realize she accidentally grabbed,  then ingested,152mg of Benadryl.   

That had to have been Glitter Butt? 

I'm not at liberty to say. 

stv8r

JohnInCarolina said:

nolaegghead said:

Good story, "Ken"

^^^^ This guy, he gets things.  

damn couldn't stop laughing at this one

A_Smalltown_Egg

In my early 20's some buddies and I moved to Colorado for a year to hang out.  After getting good and drunk and maybe a little high (ok, no maybe about it) for the first time ever I rolled out early and alone and walked home.  When I got to our condo I realize I left my keys at the bar.  Instead of walking back to the bar I decided I could break in through the back bedroom window.  Easy as can be I slid the window open crawled in and rolled right into bed.  For what seemed like an eternity I stared at the ceiling trying to stop the room from rotating.  Eventually the rotating room stopped and I realized that we do not have a bed right below the window.  I look around and notice a light under the closed door and heard voices coming from the other room then realized I broke into the wrong condo and was in a strangers bed.  I un-broke into the condo, spooked myself into a second wind and walked back to the bar and drank until closing time.

TideEggHead

I have quite a few stories, most happened in NOLA but I'll skip those. A few years ago in college it was the auburn vs. LSU game. Me and some of my long time buddies went to my roommate's tailgate, as soon as we got there his uncle started pouring us his homemade moonshine and coke. Stating "it's 140 proof" as he poured it in our cups, he went easy on the coke. Needless to say it went downhill from there. My buddy Mike singed his eyebrows off trying to start a propane grill that blew up in his face. I woke up the next morning and walked down stairs to find some broken lamps and few picture frames missing from the wall.

Then I noticed random guy sleeping on the floor behind our couch and the kitchen window wide open. I had lab that morning so I left everything as is, came back a few hours later to find everything cleaned up. 

Turns out the random guy was my roommates brother who wanted to stay the night but my roommate told him no and locked him out so he climbed through our kitchen window and fell asleep behind the couch.

lwrehm

Freshman year at the University of Wisconsin, while walking home from several house parties, I decided to walk down a hill near Liz Waters, tripped and fell, rolled down a hill into some bushes...woke up the next morning at about 8 am, still in the bushes shirt ripped and a raging hangover from way too much Old Milwaukee.

bucky925

I'll share, but not as adventurous as the above posts.  AS a freshman on the railroad wayyyy back in the early 80's, I hooked up with a conductor and we were just getting off duty.  He asked me if I wanted to s...oke some killer p....t.?  Of course I was 19 and said sure still unsure of his discription of "killer".  In any case after trying to get on the interstate in the wrong direction, I made it home (10 mins at best).  Decided to try and work on my push mower.  How do I confay this?  After 20 or so mins. I couldn't find my wrench.  I turned the mower over looked all over the yard and for the life of me I could not find it.  Well it was in my hand the entire time.   I figured at this point I needed a shower.

I was awaked by my wife asking if I was OK!  Of course I said sure why.  She then told me I was on the bed soaking wet and asleep. I will never som..e we..ed with that conductor again!

bucky925

Oh and I had some plenty  xplaining to do to lucy.  Luckly for me she either got use to it or turned her head.  I still don't know how she put up with me in the early years.