Placeholder for internet things that are funny or cool

Ozzie_Isaac

That os awesome 

fishlessman

police robots in san francisco that can kill

i like it

https://youtu.be/_UNJNH7UFjU

fukahwee maine

you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it

Botch

fishlessman said:

police robots in san francisco that can kill

i like it

Me too, as long as neither the 'bots nor their handlers can disable their own "body" cams.  

fishlessman

Botch said:

fishlessman said:

police robots in san francisco that can kill

i like it

Me too, as long as neither the 'bots nor their handlers can disable their own "body" cams.  

No no no. Give them AI, why pay for handlers😁

JohnInCarolina

http://twitter.com/fasc1nate/status/1598061556352266240?s=20&t=KsI1JtKhgMLnHGwqUL8esA

dmchicago

JohnInCarolina said:

http://twitter.com/fasc1nate/status/1598061556352266240?s=20&t=KsI1JtKhgMLnHGwqUL8esA

They make me look like Michael Jackson 

Canugghead

JohnInCarolina

Canugghead said:

@dmchicago just think of the money you could have saved!

dmchicago

For you Succession fans:

 
https://twitter.com/jrpsaki/status/1598715642160349185?s=46&t=usglyI5GzYuc-_DRGXVtDQ

Botch

JohnInCarolina

http://twitter.com/LizerReal/status/1532000623360606208?s=20&t=C5Uf7UWPi1VISar9SQ01vQ

The Cen-Tex Smoker

JohnInCarolina said:

http://twitter.com/LizerReal/status/1532000623360606208?s=20&t=C5Uf7UWPi1VISar9SQ01vQ

That’s ‘Murican Jesus right there. 

JohnInCarolina

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

JohnInCarolina said:

http://twitter.com/LizerReal/status/1532000623360606208?s=20&t=C5Uf7UWPi1VISar9SQ01vQ

That’s ‘Murican Jesus right there. 

You own, personal, Jesus.  
Someone to hold the lettuce
Who won’t forget us 

Botch

An oldie but a goodie:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QD1GbIRavA
 

dbCooper

A tortoise reaches his 190th bday.  Reporting states his eyesight and hearing no longer function, libido still fine however...

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/12/03/world/seychelles-tortoise-st-helena-jonathan-190-birthday-intl-hnk/index.html

JohnInCarolina

dmchicago

Botch

Most won't be interested in this one, but I know of four of us who will be.  
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwXVJlDZtaw
 
Guy takes some sawn planks from a hardwood tree, and builds a Dream Workbench/outfeed table from the ground up.  There's a lot of metalwork in the middle third of the video, where he takes two threaded rods, misc hardware, 1/4" plate steel, a magnet, and two old automobile shocks, and welds/grinds/bends his way to two vises, a shoulder vice, and an end vise with quick-release nut (I didn't even know how those worked, and he built one from scratch).  
No narration, no music, excellent editing, and amazing craftsmanship/ingenuity.  There are at least four ideas I'm stealing.  As I said, this hour-long video won't be of interest to most, but damn its stunning for anyone here who's into woodworking/DIY/ craftsmanship/engineering/etc.  

Botch

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

dmchicago

Botch said:

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

That was quite a long journey for a **** joke. 

dmchicago

Botch

dmchicago said:
That was quite a long journey for a **** joke. 

Which makes it even funnier.    

JohnInCarolina

dmchicago said:

Botch said:

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

That was quite a long journey for a **** joke. 

Worth it!

Ozzie_Isaac

dmchicago said:

Botch said:

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.

When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

That was quite a long journey for a **** joke. 

That is why it is called a groaner...and that was a gem.

StillH2OEgger

https://youtu.be/yqBPJPzehZE

Sort of reminded me of this one.

dmchicago

Now THAT"S a joke!

fishlessman

mick jagger and his girlfriend

HeavyG

How to tell someone you have million$ in your checking account without explicitly telling them you have million$ in your checking account.

Legume

dbCooper

How to answer this?