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Have you heard of the movie Constipation?

Hans61Hans61 Posts: 3,873
It hasn’t come out yet :-)

this was the best trick or treat joke I heard tonight 
“There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.”
Coach Finstock Teen Wolf

Comments

  • SGHSGH Posts: 26,993
    edited November 2019
    Cesar Hernandez likes jokes 👍


    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    Arsenal-Just a small wore out and broken down Weber kettle. No other means to cook at all.

    Virtus Junxit Mors Non Separabit

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

    Just a man with a Muhle. 

    To see Trump's many attributes you wont need a second glance
    You know if you resist his intelligence you wont stand a chance
    His mind is like a razor simply sharp as it can be
    He is at least a million times smarter than either you or me


    Nothing Beats a Fine Shave

  • BotchBotch Posts: 9,991
    Have you heard the sad tale about the constipated mathematician?
     
    He worked it out with a pencil.  
    ____________________________________________
    Introvert Engineers - Social Distancing before it was cool.  
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • SGHSGH Posts: 26,993
    Botch said:
    Have you heard the sad tale about the constipated mathematician?
     
    He worked it out with a pencil.  
    Guy Gronquist likes $hit jokes 👍

    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    Arsenal-Just a small wore out and broken down Weber kettle. No other means to cook at all.

    Virtus Junxit Mors Non Separabit

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

    Just a man with a Muhle. 

    To see Trump's many attributes you wont need a second glance
    You know if you resist his intelligence you wont stand a chance
    His mind is like a razor simply sharp as it can be
    He is at least a million times smarter than either you or me


    Nothing Beats a Fine Shave

  • This punch line gets a delayed reaction 
    Jason NW GA- home of carpet and Mexican restaurants
    LBGE, MM, BS (Blackstone and the other kind)
    One sorry Labrador

    My chili did not suck. My wings either. 
  • calikingcaliking Posts: 14,262
    This is an old but gold joke in my line of work =)

    #1 LBGE December 2012 • #2 SBGE February  2013 • #3 Mini May 2013
    A happy BGE family in Houston, TX.
  • caliking said:
    This is an old but gold joke in my line of work =)
    You have a shîtty job.  
    Jason NW GA- home of carpet and Mexican restaurants
    LBGE, MM, BS (Blackstone and the other kind)
    One sorry Labrador

    My chili did not suck. My wings either. 
  • I’ve heard of that movie.  The word is it moves very slowly and in the end, it doesn’t go anywhere.
    Flint, Michigan
  • HeavyGHeavyG Posts: 7,122

    Camped out in the (757/948/804)
  • sumoconnellsumoconnell Posts: 1,678
    My wife is Mexican. I like to say "Mucho" when we're together.  It means a lot to her. 
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    Austin, Texas.  I'm the guy holding a beer.
  • Hans61Hans61 Posts: 3,873
    How come a chicken coop can only have two doors?

    cause if it had four it would be a chicken sedan
    “There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.”
    Coach Finstock Teen Wolf
  • WeberWhoWeberWho Posts: 8,302
    So there was two pretzels walking down a dark street and one was assaulted.  
    "The pig is an amazing animal. You feed a pig an apple and it makes bacon. Let's see Michael Phelps do that" - Jim Gaffigan

    Minnesota
  • YukonRonYukonRon Posts: 15,896
    2 atoms are walking down the street when suddenly the first atom turns to the second atom and shouts very disappointedly "oh my gosh, I have lost an electron!"

    The second atom, very concerned, asks "Are you sure?"

    The first atom replies "I am positive."
    "Knowledge is Good" - Emil Faber

    XL and MM
    Louisville, Kentucky
  • My sister got fired from her bank teller job last week when an old lady came in and asked to check her balance, so my sister pushed her.
  • Did you know the Swedish navy put bar codes on their ships.
     So when they come back from maneuvers they can.......Scandinavian.
    Hendersonville, TN.
  • smbishopsmbishop Posts: 2,813
    Thanks for the laughs!!!
    Southlake, TX, and Cowhouse Creek, Gatesville, TX.  2 Large, 1 Small and a lot of Eggcessories.
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women?

    Snow balls
    DFW - 1 LGBE & Happy to Adopt More...
  • 1voyager1voyager Posts: 861
    What do you call a snowman on a hot day?

    Puddle.
  • BotchBotch Posts: 9,991
    Did you know the Swedish navy put bar codes on their ships.
     So when they come back from maneuvers they can.......Scandinavian.
    Know where the Norwegians keep their armies?
    In their sleevies.  
    ____________________________________________
    Introvert Engineers - Social Distancing before it was cool.  
    Ogden, Utard.  
  • You know when a pun is mature when it is full groan.
  • gnatnoop said:
    You know when a pun is mature when it is full groan.
    Interesting forum handle you have there.  Are you getting any these days?
    "A generation of the unteachable is hanging upon us like a necklace of corpses." - George Orwell 

    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike

    Living large in the 919
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