Today is the day I get my independence back!!

frazzdaddy

I know it's got to be hard. That little girl will need your wisdom now and later in life. Fight brother, don't stop.

Brisket_Fanatic

Hang in their brother, I have no idea how you feel, I'm sure it is beyond frustrating but I guarantee your family needs you. Praying for you and your family! 

CTMike

Dude,

Your amazing daughter needs you in her life. When you think about checking out, recall some of the wonderful times you’ve had together. 

sumoconnell

It's hard to fight daily through the frustration, guilt boredom and pain of recovery. Better days are ahead and people truly rely on you more than you know. You need to trust that and not let the darkness be fed.

Spaightlabs

@ryantt - hang tough man.  I sure hate to read how much trouble you are having.  

Pain can do amazing things to your brain - like make you think that your family will be better off without you - they won't.  I've not had anywhere near the pain you are experiencing for sure, but enough to know how bad it sucks, even though mine was pretty short term.

Breakthroughs are being made constantly in pain management so don't give up - don't ever give up.  Your journey has been long - don't focus on how far you have to go to get to the top of the mountain, focus on how far you have come.

There is an answer out there for you - you just haven't bumped into it yet.  might be a solid diet of THC edibles, might be nerve ablation, might be time, might be one more procedure - hard to say and I know it is hard to imagine.

Besides - you gotta stick around, Norah Grace ain't gonna be old enough for quite a while to be around this bunch of reprobates.

I'm mostly not a man of prayer, but I'll see if I can catch the big guy's ear on your behalf.

Peace brother, peace.

ryantt

just to clarify while I am down and out and feel like a burden on my family I will not do anything crazy.  I am just having a bad day.  I have periods of pain that literally have tears running down my face.  It is not controllable, even trying not to let the tears roll I can’t help it.  I use to think I had a high pain tolerance, I once nailed my hand to a roof with a nail gun an used a hammer to pry it out with no issue.  had a compound fracture and didn’t bat an eye.  But nerve pain is a whole new monster.   It’s hard to take!!!  

But please have no fear I have no intentions of harming myself.   I couldn’t do that to my little chef or wife.   It wouldn’t be right to put them through that tournament. Thank you everyone for your concern.  My need to take a break has more to do with what’s happening daily hrs of pt, ot, and the need to use a bone growth stimulator.  I am in a hard shell brace anytime I am out of the chair or bed, and in the stimulator any other time.  


Thank you all for your concern, I do apologize for giving the impression that I was going to harm myself. 

Spaightlabs

No worries brother.  Nice talking to you - you sounded a lot better than I thought you were gonna sound and I gotta say it was a load off when you picked up.

lkapigian

ryantt said:

just to clarify while I am down and out and feel like a burden on my family I will not do anything crazy.  I am just having a bad day.  I have periods of pain that literally have tears running down my face.  It is not controllable, even trying not to let the tears roll I can’t help it.  I use to think I had a high pain tolerance, I once nailed my hand to a roof with a nail gun an used a hammer to pry it out with no issue.  had a compound fracture and didn’t bat an eye.  But nerve pain is a whole new monster.   It’s hard to take!!!  

But please have no fear I have no intentions of harming myself.   I couldn’t do that to my little chef or wife.   It wouldn’t be right to put them through that tournament. Thank you everyone for your concern.  My need to take a break has more to do with what’s happening daily hrs of pt, ot, and the need to use a bone growth stimulator.  I am in a hard shell brace anytime I am out of the chair or bed, and in the stimulator any other time.  


Thank you all for your concern, I do apologize for giving the impression that I was going to harm myself. 

2009 I was in a motorcycle accident that got me 3 months UCLA medical center, I was on a Dilaudid Drip with a "Bump" every as needed ( which was often,cause I liked it) I was an emotional wreck trying to get off it,it was not the pain but the withdraw

Hang In There 

Hook_emHornsfan_74

ryantt said:

just to clarify while I am down and out and feel like a burden on my family I will not do anything crazy.  I am just having a bad day.  I have periods of pain that literally have tears running down my face.  It is not controllable, even trying not to let the tears roll I can’t help it.  I use to think I had a high pain tolerance, I once nailed my hand to a roof with a nail gun an used a hammer to pry it out with no issue.  had a compound fracture and didn’t bat an eye.  But nerve pain is a whole new monster.   It’s hard to take!!!  

But please have no fear I have no intentions of harming myself.   I couldn’t do that to my little chef or wife.   It wouldn’t be right to put them through that tournament. Thank you everyone for your concern.  My need to take a break has more to do with what’s happening daily hrs of pt, ot, and the need to use a bone growth stimulator.  I am in a hard shell brace anytime I am out of the chair or bed, and in the stimulator any other time.  


Thank you all for your concern, I do apologize for giving the impression that I was going to harm myself. 

Totally understand about nerve pain.  Have had two back surgeries myself.  There aren't enough pain pills in the world to help alleviate the pain.  It will get better.  Sometimes I think the person who said "time heals all wounds" should be shot or at least have some nerve pain.  

DoubleEgger

I’m sorry that things haven’t progressed the way you had hoped. @WeberWho did a great job of penning what a lot of us were thinking. I can’t say it better than him so I won’t try. We are always here if you decide you need to laugh a little. You don’t need to cook to have fun around here. Just ask @HeavyG... 

mahenryak

Gees.  It must be so hard to be in such pain. And it must be frustrating to have to limit your activities so much.  I hope you’re as well as possible, today.

ryantt

@mahenryak if you’ve ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, that’s how my life feels.  So many have reached out to me privately to text or talk and I Appreciate it a great deal. I am hopeful I can get over this funk and just move on. 

Gulfcoastguy

Many things still on your to do list, seeing your little girl get married is the first that comes to mind. Depression can pass but it might not be a bad idea to discuss it with your doctor.

mahenryak

ryantt said:

@mahenryak if you’ve ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, that’s how my life feels.  So many have reached out to me privately to text or talk and I Appreciate it a great deal. I am hopeful I can get over this funk and just move on. 

Yes, I have seen the movie.  Unreal.  I'm glad you are getting so much support.  That is very important.  I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers, too.

thetrim

Hang in there @ryantt It may not seem like it now, but this too shall pass, brother!

ryantt

Quick update the screw has backed out some, but the surgeon feels like the stimulator and the cement and hormone mixture he packed in around the stews will keep it secure as the new xrays from today do not show any additional change.  

My my mental state is fair at best.  I’ve had chronic continual nerve pain starting in October of last year in my rt leg.  My left leg has permanent nerve damage from a previous surgery, which I’ve lived with for a Long time and was tolerable.  When they “fixed” my back I’ve had increased pain in my left leg as well as my right leg.   Before surgery the best way to describe how I felt was like walking around when your legs fell asleep.  That’s was my baseline I lived with it, didn’t sleep much but got past it.  

Now they have me fixed it, life has gotten worse along with continual muscle spasms that go up and down my legs, you can actually watch my muscles quiver continually I keel like my legs are on fire. My wife tells me when I do fall asleep for story periods at night, she watches the tears roll down my face and listens to me whimper in pain.  Not exactly manly.   

Well enough depressing news, I am still hear, I’m still hoping to get back to life, and I still believe one day I’ll be able to drive again.  

The good news is even at 37 because I’m off work on the Americans with disabilities act, I can pull all of my money out of my 401k.  So if I can’t get back to work I’ll be able to take out the few hundred k I have in it and self invest it without any penalty or use it as needed for my family.     

Egg something good for me this weekend guys.  Also if you’re on face book Norah “started” the_buckeye_bbq page that we post on together.  It’s all old cooks you’ve probably seen but she would love it if you’d like it and follow it.  Just to clarify I run and approve all info she just picks out pictures.  And helps type the content.    

td66snrf

Everyone has back pain at some point in their life but unless you have had every muscle in your body  spasm  simultaneously  do to pain you can't understand. I had six screws and two rods installed in 2003 and it was a success. I understand the mental side also. My daughters who were young then, asking when is your back going to get better dad?  Talk about depressing. So then they give painkillers which are .....DEPRESSANTS.  Hang in there brother. 

milesvdustin

Damn dude, I hope you get back to normal fast! 

ryantt

@td66snrf in October I slipped in the garage getting out of my car and pulled out a few screws and also seemed to bend the rods.  I managed to fracture the fused bone as well.  Talk about good luck right!!! Oh well I am at this point that I am today with a great support system at home and on here from lots and lots of you who have reached out and send messages and even called.  This is a group of people I interact with online yet feel like your some of my best friends.  Maybe it’s because we all spend to much money on grills and meat.  

NorthPilot06

So sorry to hear of the many complications, @ryantt - so glad that you have an amazing family and support system, it means the world. Praying for you and your family every day.