OT - Any good jokes?

thetrim

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts!

DoubleEgger

Why do shepherds wear robes? 

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away. 

jeffwit

Let me go ahead and get all of this out of the way. 
Trump sucks. 
Trump's great. 
Media sucks. 
Media's great. 
Rockwood sucks. 
Rockwood's great. 
Buttblasters suck. 
Buttblasters are great. 
Focker sucks. 
Focker's great. 
Nola sucks. 
Nola's great. 

Did I miss any?

Eggdicted_Dawgfan

Eggdicted_Dawgfan

.

Wolfie51sb

Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everybody gets them.

bud812

The hurt when  pee thread.

nolaegghead

jeffwit said:

Let me go ahead and get all of this out of the way. 
Trump sucks. 
Trump's great. 
Media sucks. 
Media's great. 
Rockwood sucks. 
Rockwood's great. 
Buttblasters suck. 
Buttblasters are great. 
Focker sucks. 
Focker's great. 
Nola sucks. 
Nola's great. 

Did I miss any?

If that's a stream of consciousness, I'm glad you finally got it right

DoubleEgger

jeffwit said:

Let me go ahead and get all of this out of the way. 
Trump sucks. 
Trump's great. 
Media sucks. 
Media's great. 
Rockwood sucks. 
Rockwood's great. 
Buttblasters suck. 
Buttblasters are great. 
Focker sucks. 
Focker's great. 
Nola sucks. 
Nola's great. 

Did I miss any?

Burning pee doesn't even get an honorable mention? 

theyolksonyou

Herb and Ellen met on a singles cruise and fell madly in love. 

After returning home they continued to date. 

Eventually, Herb proposed. 

about a month before the wedding, Herb confessed, "There's something you need to know, I'm a golfer. I play every weekend, when I'm not playing, I'm watching. 

Ellen replied, "There's something you need to know, for the last 10 yrs I've been a hooker."

To which Herb said, "Probably because you don't keep your left wrist straight."

thetrim

So Thibodeaux says to Boudreaux, "I like my women like I like my coffee?  Strong and Black!"
Boudreaux says to Thibodeaux, "That's good, I thought you were gonna say, ground up and in the freezer!"

DMW

One time, someone posted a thread on a forum, someone else suggested there were those that might want to consider suicide. On, wait, that's not a joke, it happened.

td66snrf

Did you hear the one about the 90lb weakling that went to Alaska and came back a Husky f#cker?

ColtsFan

I Got a flat tire... 

I should have brought asparagus 

HoustonEgger

What kind of cheese isn't yours?
.
.
.
.
Naaaaacccccchoooo cheese

bucky925

Why do you invite two Baptist to your cook-out?

bucky925

bucky925 said:

Why do you invite two Baptist to your cook-out?

bucky925 said:

Why do you invite two Baptist to your cook-out?

If you only invite one he will drink all your beer. .(I'm baptist by the way}

DoubleEgger

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? 

A Catholic will speak to you in the liquor store. 

LDR

What do you usually find in the middle of four Methodists...
a fifth

JohnInCarolina

A Montana senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing, " he thought as he flew down I-90, pushing the pedal even more. 

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Montana State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this! "and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. 

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go." 

The old gentleman then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Montana State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. 

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper. 

bucky925

DoubleEgger said:

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? 

A Catholic will speak to you in the liquor store. 

to expound  on this........Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God. prostudents  don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Church and Baptist don't recognize each other in the liquor store. 

jeffwit

DoubleEgger said:

jeffwit said:

Let me go ahead and get all of this out of the way. 
Trump sucks. 
Trump's great. 
Media sucks. 
Media's great. 
Rockwood sucks. 
Rockwood's great. 
Buttblasters suck. 
Buttblasters are great. 
Focker sucks. 
Focker's great. 
Nola sucks. 
Nola's great. 

Did I miss any?

Burning pee doesn't even get an honorable mention? 

I had to quit reading that one when Ron started talking about his nethers. 

Gulfcoastguy

In 12th grade history class one day the teacher said " Remember Monday is the final exam. It counts as 50% of your grade and you get a zero if you are absent." The class clown said "Mrs. Smith what if I am suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" With out skipping a beat the teacher said "Then you will just have to write out the exam with your other hand."

Hub

Donald Duck walked into a convenience store and placed a tube of ChapStick on the counter.  The clerk asked "Cash or charge?".  Donald replied "Ah, just put it on my bill."

Hub

What's the difference between elephants and grapes? Elephants are gray and grapes are purple.  What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants."  What did Jane say? "Here come the grapes." (Jane was colorblind)

caliking

A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory.

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more surprised after hearing what happened, asked if everything is okay with his penis.

"Yes everything is fine with the penis", he replied.

"What about the potato cutter?", she asked.

A bit ashamed, he replied "she got fired as well".

The Cen-Tex Smoker

bucky925 said:

DoubleEgger said:

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? 

A Catholic will speak to you in the liquor store. 

to expound  on this........Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God. prostudents  don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Church and Baptist don't recognize each other in the liquor store. 

I have 2 kickass Baptist drinking buddies. Great dudes in a bar. 

CTMike

My son was in 7th grade and rode a ferry back and forth to school on Fishers Island, NY. Lots of rich people with big houses over there so a lot of construction workers went back and forth on the ferry every day also. One day he came home and told my wife the following:

"Mom, what do you get when you stand a blonde on her head?"

"A brunette with bad breath."

That was one of the few times my wife thought physical punishment was warranted. 

CTMike

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. 

GrateEggspectations

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It's rated "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".

*crickets*

thetrim

What did the pickle say to the cucumber?

I'm kind of a big dill!