OT - My Brother is Liberace

Fred19Flintstone

My brother and I don't see eye to eye.  We had a falling out some years ago over our Dad's alzheimers treatment and things have not improved since.  My brother communicates with me about my Mom's financial affairs via text.  He is not the entertainer, but he reveals his true nature from behind a keyboard.  That's why he's Liberace.

Anybody else have difficult sibling relationships?

pgprescott

Good luck Fred. Really. This is a common song I've heard before. Let me guess, always there with the hand out but never there with a hand up? I think most families have at least one. Hopefully you can have some sort of relationship moving forward. It's all over in a blink. I have witness disgusting behavior by individuals salivating over "stuff". 

DuckDogDr

Fred , I feel your pain. My dad and his sister are the same way... And i take after my dad more than I care to admit. They had a big a falling out when nana died . We almost lost our half of the farm because of her unscrupulous business deals... She did loose hers

and now that my great aunt has passed ... My dad said no more with her

Jeremiah

Right there with you brother Fred. Very similar situation here. It sucks.  

northGAcock

I hate that for you and others. Both of my brothers are a good bit older than me. I am very fortunate, to this day, I don't recall ever having a cross word with either one. 

Gulfcoastguy

 Not near as bad in present day. I just had to accept that nothing that I told my sister was confidential. Since she is a religious fundamentalist that means there is a lot that I don't tell her. I am the executor of my parents estate whenever they pass. So we shall see.

SaintJohnsEgger

I guess I am getting off luck.

My FIL passed in January. Had two daughters and they have handled this very amicably while still making sure their Mom is provided for like my FIL wished.

I'm thankful as I realize how these things can tear a family apart.

Foghorn

I'm very fortunate as well.  My parents passed in 2014.  My sister and I gained further mutual respect for each other as we each went into it with "The relationship is more important than the money/things.  Therefore, whenever there is a grey area (for example, estimating the value of a used car), err on the side of being generous to your sibling."  It's what my parents would have wanted as it is how they lived their lives.

My wife on the other hand... she largely has values similar to my family.  Her brother, not so much.  When her mother passes, we will likely come out of it with way less than half in the name of keeping peace in the family.  Especially after the stepfather's children have their say...  It will likely get ugly.

YEMTrey

Sorry to hear this Fred.  I have the feeling the same thing is going to happen when my Grandmother passes.  My mother is the oldest of three siblings, and I have a really good feeling it will get very ugly and the three of them won’t speak afterwards.  You can see it coming.

I’m very lucky in that my younger brother (2 ½ years younger) and I got our hatred, or competiveness for each other out of our ways while young.  We barely had any relationship growing up, but now we couldn’t be closer.  I’ve got his back and he’s got mine.  If he ever needed anything, I’m the first one he’d call.  I’d take his family in and take care of them, likewise he would do the same. 

My wife and I argue about this all the time.  She has several toxic people on her side of the family.  I continually say, if they weren’t family, say neighbors down the street, would you have anything to do with them?  The answer is obviously no.  Then why have these people in your life? I know several people who have had to cut out toxic people in their lives, even their parents.   I’d rather have many of you from this forum in my life, then toxic family members.  Life is too short to deal with that.

DaveRichardson

Years ago, my father called me in and took me to the basement and gave me the keys and combination to the safes.  Gave me the passwords for the database where the account numbers for the insurance policies.....

Ever since she ran off from her husband and two boys to live with her co-worker, Dad has pretty much shut her out.  Will was re-done.  Property re-named, etc.  Its gonna be bad when something happens to them and I have to start all the proceedings.

I feel ya!

DoubleEgger

Death brings out the worst in families that's for sure. 

Kayak

DaveRichardson said:

"...Its gonna be bad when something happens to them and I have to start all the proceedings."

Are you talking about your mom? If so, it's going to be even worse when you have to give her part of his estate. Get ready.

We're not expecting any inheritance from FIL... BILs suicide and years of custody battles over the kid make for hard feelings all around. At least I put away my dancing shoes: I no longer plan to tap dance on his grave, though I do want to see the body...

Ladeback69

  My dad passed in 73 when I was 9 and my mom remedied in 77 to a really great guy.  He had two daughters and a son.  We all seemed to get along until one day in 84 he died unexpectedly at 55 right before Christmas.  I thought my mom was going to have most of her issues with his brother who he was in business with, but no it was his oldest daughters who never really got along with or liked much.  
After the funeral and  leaving the gave site the oldest daughter came up to me mom and said she didn't want to wait for my mom to die to get money from her dad that she thought she was owed and wasn't happy that their money together had been combined and would be split 7 ways to use kids when she passed.  She felt we were getting more then our far share.  She asked for $10k and to be written out of the well.  After thinking about it my mom said yes. 

My mom does talk to her from time to time, but I will not have anything to do with her.  Her sister and brother were not very happy with her and it took them awhile mend things up.

My mom remarried again to another great guy in 2001 an d we asked that the family not be blended and that they keep things separate.  Everything seems to be going ok  except my stepfather is 85 can't get around like he used to and is having troubles remembering things.  My mom has talked to his kids at some point he will be in a wheel chair and will need help.  His kids don't want to talk about it and said they can deal with it when it comes to pass.  Well it is coming soon and they don't want to help.  They are nice people they just don't want to believe he is getting the way she is saying.

Sorry for venting and being so long on this.

fishlessman

in business with dad, brother, uncle. have a camp with dad and brother. dad now lives in my house. no problems. now the women in my family are nuts

Markarm4119

I feel your pain, living in Georgia with 4 older sister in Knoxville we got together 3-4 times a year, Thanksgiving being the big one. Thanksgiving 2016 was probably my last family gathering with the sisters. Two youngest sister live across the street from.one another,17 months apart and are screaming liberals who believe the problem with America ,particularly since HRC lost, is there are too many Americans in it. My wife and I , with a cousin and his wife were relegated to dining on the porch. We did not fit in with their liberal friends . And we told we would be dining out there ! My oldest sister invented a reason to not attend the Christmas Eve gathering, she owns a farm and is conservative like myself. My next oldest sister, a Democrat through and through backed out of the Christmas Eve gathering as well.My family had not planned on going to Tennessee for Christmas anyway. My late mother would be very sad to know 2-3 of us feel so unwelcome in a family members home. Sorry to vent, but the last 8 years has not been a conservative persons dream , but bell we could still socialize with our family and share a meal , memories and a laugh or two ! No longer the case !

SGH

Fred19Flintstone said:

Anybody else have difficult sibling relationships?

Brother Fred, I have a younger brother that is nothing but a bum and a dope attic. I absolutely can't be around him. Six years ago I knocked his 4 front top teeth out with a perfect right hook that would have made George Foremen proud. If I ever bump into him again I'm going to try to knock the 4 bottom ones out as well. 

JohnInCarolina

My brother (41) is pretty much a disgusting human being.   He still lives with my mom, refuses to get a place of his own, yells at her constantly for food, meatloaf, etc.  Anytime I show up at the house, he's always lounging around in his red satin bathrobe.

Probably the worst thing is how he treats women.  He has zero respect for them.  He lies to them, will tell them anything they want to hear, just to get them to sleep with him.  He once picked up a girl after her boyfriend died in a hang-gliding accident (what an idiot).  He picked her up at the guy's funeral!  Shameless.

I used to look up to Chazz - we all did really. He was my idol for a long time, a legend really.  Not any more.  Pretty sad.  

theyolksonyou

JohnInCarolina said:

My brother (41) is pretty much a disgusting human being.   He still lives with my mom, refuses to get a place of his own, yells at her constantly for food, meatloaf, etc.  Anytime I show up at the house, he's always lounging around in his red satin bathrobe.

Probably the worst thing is how he treats women.  He has zero respect for them.  He lies to them, will tell them anything they want to hear, just to get them to sleep with him.  He once picked up a girl after her boyfriend died in a hang-gliding accident (what an idiot).  He picked her up at the guy's funeral!  Shameless.

I used to look up to Chazz - we all did really. He was my idol for a long time, a legend really.  Not any more.  Pretty sad.  

Maybe you guys can work it out. Should try attending some family events together or something. Doesn't have to be your family. 

JohnInCarolina

theyolksonyou said:

JohnInCarolina said:

My brother (41) is pretty much a disgusting human being.   He still lives with my mom, refuses to get a place of his own, yells at her constantly for food, meatloaf, etc.  Anytime I show up at the house, he's always lounging around in his red satin bathrobe.

Probably the worst thing is how he treats women.  He has zero respect for them.  He lies to them, will tell them anything they want to hear, just to get them to sleep with him.  He once picked up a girl after her boyfriend died in a hang-gliding accident (what an idiot).  He picked her up at the guy's funeral!  Shameless.

I used to look up to Chazz - we all did really. He was my idol for a long time, a legend really.  Not any more.  Pretty sad.  

Maybe you guys can work it out. Should try attending some family events together or something. Doesn't have to be your family. 

We try to work in a wedding every once in awhile.  He likes the funerals though.  "Grief is nature's aphrodisiac."

Fred19Flintstone

My brother is not dangerous or anything.  He's just a jerk.  We invite him over with everyone else for a cookout every summer.  He never shows.  He's quiet in person and doesn't get confrontational.  He reserves being a jacka$$ for texting.

SemolinaPilchard

Not confrontational except when typing. Reminds me of how when two people bump into each other in public both will usually apologize, and move on. However, when in the relative safety of their car, if someone gets cut off, even if they realize the other person did not do it on purpose, they go off. One day I am sitting at a red light on a boulevard. Just before the light turned green someone coming from our right started to make a left turn, but on the wrong side of the median, putting them directly in front of me and the guy in the next lane. So now we have a green light but we can't go. The guy in front of us is trying to hurry and back up and get over. No big deal, it will take all of five seconds. The guy in the other lane lays on the horn for the entire time. Some poor souls have to deal with that guy on a daily basis.

JohnInCarolina

JohnInCarolina said:

My brother (41) is pretty much a disgusting human being.   He still lives with my mom, refuses to get a place of his own, yells at her constantly for food, meatloaf, etc.  Anytime I show up at the house, he's always lounging around in his red satin bathrobe.

Probably the worst thing is how he treats women.  He has zero respect for them.  He lies to them, will tell them anything they want to hear, just to get them to sleep with him.  He once picked up a girl after her boyfriend died in a hang-gliding accident (what an idiot).  He picked her up at the guy's funeral!  Shameless.

I used to look up to Chazz - we all did really. He was my idol for a long time, a legend really.  Not any more.  Pretty sad.  

This has made it to the "Best Of" the forum page.  Kind of mean of y'all!

lousubcap

I had never opened the "Best of" option til now.  Obviously paid no attention and have no clue how a post gets selected.  Learn something new every day.  Now on to NCAA B'ball.

JohnInCarolina

lousubcap said:

I had never opened the "Best of" option til now.  Obviously paid no attention and have no clue how a post gets selected.  Learn something new every day.  Now on to NCAA B'ball.

It's just an algorithm based on the number of "likes" a post receives.  On occasion this has resulted in some unintentional comedy.

RRP

Something entirely different here. My sister who died 8 years ago today had led a "different lifestyle" with 3 husbands, a "boyfriend" or 2 and had 5 children. My parents disowned her and wrote her out of their wills. Well when my Mother turned 90 and could no longer live alone my sister took her in for her remaining 6 years as Mom did not want to leave her home town and come live with me 250 miles away. Though Mom paid for her own food etc it was still my sister who washed her and her clothes. When Mom died my sis was still out of any inheritance, but as the executer of Mom's estate I split it 50/50 with my sis. After all M & D never specified what I was to do with my inheritance and I felt what was right is right.

JohnInCarolina

Good on you there, @RRP

lousubcap

@RRP -  very benevolent move right there.  Talk about doing the right thing.
I'm guessing as the executor, you complied with your Mom's wishes then arranged the split.  

Botch

That's fantastic, Ron.
 
This is a very sad thread.  

Fred19Flintstone

Botch said:

That's fantastic, Ron.
 
This is a very sad thread.  

On the contrary @Botch.  Ron told a beautiful story of redemption and forgiveness.  It's very moving.

Botch

Um, I meant the thread in general, NOT Ron's individual post.