I wish I could grow a moustache and not look like a complete douche bag.

nolaegghead

I think the title is pretty self explanatory.  Also, this is Friday night.

If I looked good in one, I would be egging in public much more frequently.

Please post your 'stache pics so we can mock you.

theyolksonyou

Last time I had a stash.....and a mullet. Mock away my friends, 25 yrs ago. 

nolaegghead

Mock?!  You look totally awesome!!!  Please tell me you drove a van!!!

theyolksonyou

I had a '66 mustang convertible, inline 6 that ran half the time. The other half I drove a '79 Buick Riviera that was about 37' long but would haul a$$. It was a chick magnet. As was I. 

nolaegghead

Can you please tell stories of your mustached days so we may live our youth again vicariously through your coolness?  PLEASE?!

SaltySam

One terrible tradition in the AF is moustache March.  I didn't shave above my lip, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I grew a moustache.  There were maybe 30 total whiskers, all different colors, growing in different directions.  A one star general told me I looked like a catfish.  I shaved it immediately.  I'll have to do some digging, but it was so awful it's worth seeing. 

SGH

When i was considerably younger and in a intoxicated condition, i let a lovely young lady shave my pubic area into the shape of a mustache as a gag. When i finally get home, i will look for the Poloroid and share it.

nolaegghead

I hear ya.  My facial hair is a weird combination of white, red, grey and black.  I look like a victim of radiation poisoning trying out for a zombie role in the walking dead.

nolaegghead

SGH said:

When i was considerably younger and in a intoxicated condition, i let a lovely young lady shave my pubic area into the shape of a mustache as a gag. When i finally get home, i will look for the Poloroid and share it.

So you were in your early 60s?  We must see, please share!

theyolksonyou

SGH said:

When i was considerably younger and in a intoxicated condition, i let a lovely young lady shave my pubic area into the shape of a mustache as a gag. When i finally get home, i will look for the Poloroid and share it.

Please make sure this pic is carefully framed. 

nolaegghead

Yeah, keep it family friendly G-rated, Scottie.  There are kids on here.

theyolksonyou

nolaegghead said:

Can you please tell stories of your mustached days so we may live our youth again vicariously through your coolness?  PLEASE?!

I was at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from cool. Still don't know how I married and multiplied. Hell, she knew me when I had the stash!

nolaegghead

sorta like this but moved down some.  About the same size though, right Scottie?

nolaegghead

I hereby command everyone to substitute the word "MOUSTACHE" when you see the word "MUSTARD" on this forum from now until infinity.

theyolksonyou

nolaegghead said:

Yeah, keep it family friendly G-rated, Scottie.  There are kids on here.

To hell with the kids, I'm looking out for #1. 

nolaegghead

so this:

Mustard-Based Pork Burnt Ends over a Homemade Buttermilk Biscuit

now becomes this

Moustache-Based Pork Burnt Ends over a Homemade Buttermilk Biscuit

SGH

nolaegghead said:

sorta like this but moved down some.  About the same size though, right Scottie?

Something along those lines

Sardonicus

nolaegghead said:

I hereby command everyone to substitute the word "MOUSTACHE" when you see the word "MUSTARD" on this forum from now until infinity.

Not everyone can spell mustash.

nolaegghead

I, for one, lost that battle. 

nolaegghead

Idle hands, clicky-clacky on the keyboard, are the work of the debil.

nolaegghead

I wish I could do this.

it's so cool hospitalization is required.

nolaegghead

this is money

Eggcelsior

I mustache you a few questions on this topic.

1)Fu Manchu, Dali, or Walrus(fuckyea, Burt Reynolds)

2) How far can you punt a football?

gmac

As far as you people know I'm practically Tom Selleck. 

nolaegghead

Eggcelsior said:

I mustache you a few questions on this topic.

1)Fu Manchu, Dali, or Walrus(fuckyea, Burt Reynolds)

2) How far can you punt a football?

Answers:

1. yes please
2.

Raysism:

this is stupid, who the fvck is this person

Raysism:

i wonder how far i could punt a football, probably pretty far

Raysism:

probably farther than this idiot.

i wonder how far he could even punt a football.

Raysism:

i think i'm going to ask him how far he could punt a football.

Raysism:

well that was fun. but the next time they have an interesting chat guest i'll ask a real question.

nolaegghead

I wonder how far down the forum the moderators can punt this thread?

AlbertaEgger

Needed the laugh tonight. Thanks guys!!!

nolaegghead

I don't mean to brag or anything, but I'm probably one of the best cooks for the things I specialize in cooking (and that is everything you can cook except injira - I'm still working on that) on the entire planet.  I know this statement will make me look douchey, and make some people feel inferior.  And I apologize for my cooking greatness.  I can't help that some people faint or have embarrassing public orgasms after eating food I prepare and cook.  I have to give everything I cook for other people a little flaw.  Sometimes I add a little more than the perfect amount of salt, sometimes I'll throw some tarragon in there to give it a "wtf is this tarragon in here otherwise it's fvcking perfect" vibe.  I know this is kinda a diatribe, but I have to be honest with everyone.  I am a bad muthafucka.  When it comes to cooking. Put the date you read this on your calendar, because it's like you discovered sex.  Anyway, if I could only grow a mustache and not look like a total douche, I think my life would be complete.  The way I see my stache is this:


In reality, it's really super pathetic.  I just wanted to get this off my back.  Thanks for reading this. Sometimes I'm just a really insecure guy that can cook better than all the gods combined and I probably should have a cooking show and run all the 5star restaurants.  That's on a bad day.  Anyway, thanks for listening to me.

nolaegghead

In fact, my cooking prowess is inversely proportional to my spelling ability.  Don't faint.  This is troof!

Legume

I'll have to look to see if I have any pics.

YukonRon

This is one motherfvcking fun read dude. I have no doubt ton your greatness, and the 'stache, is not needed. Party on.