OT - Handling Finances As A Couple

oldgeezeystax

^^^ congrats and best of luck to you @McStew !

Eggerty

swordsmn said:

Boy  I wish  I had never let credit cards  dominate me as they did...  EGGcellent advice Eggerty   (I could be retired in Maui  eggin away  )

That is just my opinion. I have been there as well looking at my statement and saying "How the heck am I going to pay this off." Was not a good feeling but that's what your early 20's are for. Some people are pro credit cards and they can be beneficial. Just have to manage them very closely.  Credit cards exist to make money. And they have made a sh*t ton off me early on.

oldgeezeystax

@Eggerty - I basically use my credit card as a bank card and have never carried debt on it.  I feel less exposed using a cc online or POS transactions.  Also, paying off the credit card each month doesn't cost me anything and cash back gets me some free money.

McStew

@oldgeezeystax Thanks! 

DoubleEgger

I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you start this conversation. "Hey baby, me and the guys at the BBQ forum think we should sit down and talk about your spending habits." 

Eggerty

@oldgeezeystax exactly! As long as you manage them they can be a huge benefit from the "extras" you get from them (airline miles, etc). 10 years ago for me, it was free money with no consequence. I was dumb. Had to live beyond minimally to get back to the black. 

Being less exposed, I would be very careful there. Your bank card should be just as secure as a cc. If not, change banks. My mom, using one of the largest banks globally "CH*SE", had her information stolen online and was used to purchase a car in DFW area. The perp took a loan out for $40k, ALL online, car was delivered. Nothing was done in person. Scary. Took her a year to clear that ordeal up. If the right people get information they can make life hell.

I do love hearing people taking it to the credit card companies by handling them responsibly. Their bet is most people are not that responsible. 

Eggerty

DoubleEgger said:

I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you start this conversation. "Hey baby, me and the guys at the BBQ forum think we should sit down and talk about your spending habits." 

My wife if I said something like that..,

theyolksonyou

We fell into the cc trap early in as well. Now it's used a lot and paid off each month and we get big discounts in travel. It can be done, but you have to have that discipline. Or you have to learn the hard way. 

Eggerty

Also more than anything congrats to you both
@oldgeezeystax and @McStew!

oldgeezeystax

DoubleEgger said:

I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you start this conversation. "Hey baby, me and the guys at the BBQ forum think we should sit down and talk about your spending habits." 

Lol.  It's definitely not going down like that...

Griffin

With marriage, you are all in. On everything. Finances included. Just MHO.

thegooddocta

Eggerty said:

Been married going on 7 yrs and this works well for us.
All money and deposits go into joint account.  We pay all bills, groceries, entertainment, etc out of that account. We each keep separate accounts as well. Each month we pay each ourselves (for living with each other!) x amount to spend how we wish. 

This is a great idea! My wife an I have a couple of common accounts, but still maintain other accounts without much plan around it. I'm just free to spend (I'm the spender) a certain amount without mentioning it ;]

Eggerty

Griffin said:

With marriage, you are all in. On everything. Finances included. Just MHO.

I agree 100%. We have a friend that was married and they took the separate account route. Every month she had to beg for his half of the mortgage on their house.  Blew me away! 

cazzy

Tell her you closed your personal account, but don't.  Then, got to your HR dept and set up a second deposit that sends X dollars to your personal account.  This will allow you to buy all the toys you want, without her ever knowing.     You can just sneak them in like she does her shoes and dresses.

If she ever finds out, tell her it was my idea.  

tarheelmatt

cazzy said:

Tell her you closed your personal account, but don't.  Then, got to your HR dept and set up a second deposit that sends X dollars to your personal account.  This will allow you to buy all the toys you want, without her ever knowing.     You can just sneak them in like she does her shoes and dresses.

If she ever finds out, tell her it was my idea.  

Annnnd if the relationship goes sour, he'll have funds to pay for a lawyer.  

DMW

cazzy said:

Tell her you closed your personal account, but don't.  Then, got to your HR dept and set up a second deposit that sends X dollars to your personal account.  This will allow you to buy all the toys you want, without her ever knowing.     You can just sneak them in like she does her shoes and dresses.

If she ever finds out, tell her it was my idea.  

While you are at it, lie to her about where you go after work. I hear that works out well. 

swordsmn

I like they are  using the term  BUDGET as well.  That term has always confused me.   :-)     You newlyweds,  go heavy in 401K's/Roths    you're young  & you'll thank yourselves  when you're old  & auditioning for little blue pill  commercials  :-)  Speaking of that  If your honeymoon spot has two  clawfoot bathtubs on a beach,  run!

swordsmn

PS  Good  OT thread  ... One addn'l comment      I disagree about "advice from a BBQ forum"  Sure,  get a financial planner when you can  but there is a great deal of decent advice  if  the forums you visit  tend to attract people with similar values as yourself.    I have learned  a lot about a lotta stuff from a few Gun & Sports Car forums I frequent.     Most eggers  I think are high values type personalities  (family values etc)  just like most  serious firearms people I know.    A lotta good life lessons to be derived if you separate wheat from chaff.  Proud of you guys/gals  even the funny jabs..

cazzy

DMW said:

cazzy said:

Tell her you closed your personal account, but don't.  Then, got to your HR dept and set up a second deposit that sends X dollars to your personal account.  This will allow you to buy all the toys you want, without her ever knowing.     You can just sneak them in like she does her shoes and dresses.

If she ever finds out, tell her it was my idea.  

While you are at it, lie to her about where you go after work. I hear that works out well. 

No, you're in sales so you should know this Dwayne.  Under promise and over deliver!!!

I work till 9pm every day babe...they are ****!!  If you show up at 6pm...you just got off early!    

cazzy

Just suit up and everything will work out!  

DMW

cazzy said:

Just suit up and everything will work out!  

And I'm suited up right now.

GaryLange

We have joint everything and the wife handles all the money, bills, prescriptions. I think tat is why I have savings as she is frugal. We have two credit cards, one checking account and one savings account. All property is in both our names and have Power of Attorney for financial and Health on both of us. Been married for 45 years and it seems to work out this way. Trust is most important part.

Foghorn

Actually, what you do with your day to day money can become irrelevant if you PAY YOURSELF FIRST AND DON'T TOUCH IT.  You can adapt up to any level of income and spending - I'm pretty sure that if someone gave me and my wife the opportunity to spend $1,000,000/month we could do it.  But ultimately, if you put money away BEFORE YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEND IT, don't touch it under any circumstances, and invest it reasonably - then it won't matter whether you put too much on your credit cards over the years, or spend too much on cars, or grills, or clothes.   Your budget is "We made it work without touching the money we put away for the future."

Many financial advisors recommend using any money you have to pay off high interest credit cards before putting money away into accounts/investments that will likely yield less interest/return than you are paying on the credit card debt.  That makes sense from a mathematic perspective, but doesn't actually work from a human nature perspective.  98% of humans (an estimate) will either never actually get the credit cards paid off or will pay them off and then run them up again such that they never actually start puttting money away... ever.

But if you pay yourself first, the day-to-day stuff becomes trivial.  Knowing this actually makes handling the relationship finances much easier because there is not as much at stake. 

I learned this from a book called "The Wealthy Barber" and it has served us well over the years (21 years of marriage and counting). 

mahenryak

Maybe check out this guy's site:

http://www.daveramsey.com/home/

He has some pretty simple, straight forward advice for managing your finances.  I'm not saying you should buy anything on the site.  I just stumbled across him on the radio.  Most of the stuff is common sense, but as the saying goes, common sense is so uncommon these days.  Maybe I like him because his approach is what we've done over the years.  (I've been married for twenty-four years).  I also like the fact that he has a balanced outlook on life--the spiritual, with the practical.  Anyway, just a tip that you may do with as you please.

P.S.
Congratulations!!

NPHuskerFL

Almost 17 yrs of marriage and being married to a woman that is a financial analyst (and analytical by nature) is huge. She handles our finances and in the almost 20 yrs we've been together our beacon score has only seen one direction and that is up.  That most certainly doesn't mean we don't spend but, we don't live beyond our means.  We have common goals fiscally and other life goals.  We'll achieve them TOGETHER. If you can't trust your spouse with financial honesty how in the world can you trust them in other areas. 

SGH

Hell we don't have to worry about accounts. The dumbocrats take all of ours. I think that they do put it into a account though. What do they call that? Oh yeah, welfare. 

cazzy

NPHuskerFL said:

Almost 17 yrs of marriage and being married to a woman that is a financial analyst (and analytical by nature) is huge. She handles our finances and in the almost 20 yrs we've been together our beacon score has only seen one direction and that is up.  That most certainly doesn't mean we don't spend but, we don't live beyond our means.  We have common goals fiscally and other life goals.  We'll achieve them TOGETHER. If you can't trust your spouse with financial honesty how in the world can you trust them in other areas. 

5 years married.  Several hidden accounts.  Lie to her every day.  No common goals.  Zero financial know how. Take all her bonus checks.  Make her carry all my babies.  Irons my clothes when I go see my girlfriends.

Happiness I tell ya...happiness.

DMW

cazzy said:

NPHuskerFL said:

Almost 17 yrs of marriage and being married to a woman that is a financial analyst (and analytical by nature) is huge. She handles our finances and in the almost 20 yrs we've been together our beacon score has only seen one direction and that is up.  That most certainly doesn't mean we don't spend but, we don't live beyond our means.  We have common goals fiscally and other life goals.  We'll achieve them TOGETHER. If you can't trust your spouse with financial honesty how in the world can you trust them in other areas. 

5 years married.  Several hidden accounts.  Lie to her every day.  No common goals.  Zero financial know how. Take all her bonus checks.  Make her carry all my babies.  Irons my clothes when I go see my girlfriends.

Happiness I tell ya...happiness.

RRP

Another long timer report! We will celebrate our 49th anniversary this August. Everything has always been held jointly. We graduated from college in1966 flat *ss broke. She starting teaching and I went into public accounting. She taught high school for 37 years and retired. My career was mostly in banking and I retired at age 60. That was 10 years ago and we love retirement and joint accounts. What's hers is mine and vise versa. 

NPHuskerFL

@cazzy  I only know you from talking on here, txt and phone. And you Sir are not the above  Ahole you describe. However, this would be the ideal example of---do the exact opposite of this and you'll be fine.