OT- The Daily Joke

Botch

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on the Indian Pacific train. 

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a nice idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own DAMN blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 

The End

 

gpsegg

. Very good

Skiddymarker

So true.....

Griffin

=D>

JRWhitee

)

Aviator

) :((

plumbfir01

:-bd

Griffin

My joke for today. An Aggie decides to move from Texas to Oklahoma. The IQs of both states went up.

brycos

How they make Holy Water at the Vatican

They get huge cast iron vats and fill with water from the Jordan River. Then they get olive branches from the Holy Land and start a fire. Then they boil the hell out of it.

Holepuncher

Dd you hear about the dyslexic that walked into a bra,,,,,,,,,,,,,

JRWhitee

A cow, a pig and a chicken walked into a barbeque restaurant. The End.

Botch

 

That was Very Wrong.

But admit it.

You laughed.  

ChuckChampion

Good one

Little Steven

A father takes his young son to a busy restaurant for breakfast and the are seated at a table that has not been cleaned from the previous customers. A collection of change is still sitting in the cheque tray. While the father is trying to flag a server to have the table cleaned the young boy picks up three nickels from the tip and ingests them.
The father stands the boy up and pushes on the boy's back and he spits up two of the nickels. No amount of pushing will dislodge the third piece and the father resorts to the Heimlich maneuver to no avail.
A be-speckled woman dressed in a business suit hears the commotion and looks over. She sets down her coffee and neatly folds her newspaper, gets up and walks toward the scene.
On arrival she kneels down, unzips the boys trousers and takes hold of his private parts and starts gently squeezing and tugging.
Nothing happens and she strengthens her grip and increases the pulling force.
The boy still does not respond. She increases her grip to the point that his future manhood is in jeopardy at pulls with all the force she can muster.
The boy coughs violently and the obstruction ejects from his mouth with the speed of a bullet.
In an amazing display of speed and grace she picks the projectile out of mid air with two fingers and deftly drops it in to her blazer pocket.
After making sure his son is alright the father goes quickly to the woman's table and says "Madam, I can not thank you enough for saving my boy! I have never seen anything like that! Are you a doctor or emergency responder?"
She looks up at him and says "No sir, I am with the IRS"

Hungry Joe

Botch

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”

Botch

Hungry Joe

Read carefully.

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SmokeyPitt

Hungry Joe said:

Read carefully.

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Wow!  That was almost like a magic trick.  I seriously thought for a second it was a GIF and it had changed!  

Botch

Botch

Botch

Bad Morning

 

 

)

lakewade

A Christmas Shopping Love Story

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

Hokie_Smoker

Two cannibals are eating a clown for dinner.  One looks up at the other and says........

 

 

This taste funny to you?

Eggcelsior

Botch

Bodybuilder Math

 

I've only got through the first page, but dayam!!!  

)

Tjcoley

Two nuns are riding their bicycles over the back streets of Rome, on the way back to the convent. One says 'I don't think I've ever come this way before'. Other one says 'Must be the cobblestones'.

BigGreenGator

I think my Dixie wrecked

500

There is a whorehouse on a hill. There is one person going to it, one

person leaving from it, and one person inside it. What are their

nationalities?



The man going up is Russian,


The man going away is Finnish,


and the man inside is Himalayan.

500

A doctor walks into an exam room to see his patient.  The patient asks; "Why do you have a rectal thermometer on your ear?"  The doctor says, "Damn, some a$$hole has my pen."

SmokeyPitt

Botch said:

Bodybuilder Math

 

I've only got through the first page, but dayam!!!  

)

I am definitely a little dumber having read that.