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MOST MEMORABLE LINES: 

— Biden taking a crack at his age: “I believe in the First Amendment. Not just because my good friend JIMMY MADISONwrote it. … You say I’m ancient; I say I’m wise. You say I’m over the hill; Don Lemon would say that’s a man ‘in his prime.’

— Biden on Fox News’ recent costly defamation settlement: “It’s great the cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC, owned by NBCUniversal. Fox News, owned by Dominion Voting Systems. … Last year, your favorite Fox reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated and boosted. This year, with that $787 million settlement, they’re here because they can’t say no to a free meal.”

— Biden on DeSantis: “I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready, but Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me and got to them first.”

— Biden on RUPERT MURDOCH’s age: “How can I dislike a guy who makes me look like HARRY STYLES?”

— Wood, taking the podium right after Biden: “Real quick, Mr. President, I think you left some of your classified documents up here. ... I’ll put them in a safe place. He don’t know where to keep them.”

— Wood on VP KAMALA HARRIS getting grilled in the media: “I think the most insulting scandal of the Biden administration was placed at the feet of our Madam Vice President. The scandal of: ‘What does Kamala do?’ … That’s a disrespectful question, because nobody ever asked that question of the vice president until a woman got the job. I don’t know what MIKE PENCE did. The only thing I know about Mike Pence is that he’s really good at playing hide-and-seek at the Capitol.”

— Wood on Carlson’s recent firing: “Some people are celebrating. But to Tucker’s staff: I want you to know that I know what you’re feeling. I work at ‘The Daily Show,’ so I, too, have been blindsided by the sudden departure of the host of a fake-news program.”

— Wood on the Dominion lawsuit: “Fox claimed Dominion conspired with the Democrats to rig the election. The Democrats should be flattered that they thought that y’all was smart enough to rig an election.”

— Wood on Lemon’s firing: “Yes, Don Lemon was a diva and he said a couple of women are raggedy in the face. But that’s a promotion at Fox News.”

— Wood on recent reporting about the Supreme Court: “We can all see CLARENCE THOMAS, but he belongs to billionaire HARLAN CROW. And that’s what an NFT is.”

— Wood on Biden’s age: “When the retirement age went up two years to 64 [in France], they rioted because they didn’t want to work till 64. Meanwhile in America, we have an 80-year-old man begging usfor four more years of work.”