So, it’s been a while.  What’s happened?  England beat South Africa to affirm ‘Bazball’ as the way forward for Test Cricket.  Gloucester and Yorkshire have been relegated from Division 1 of the county championship, while Middlesex and Nottinghamshire go the other way.  And, er - the economy has tanked and we got a new King. 

On with the PL and top of the shop it’s the North London derby, the first meaningful one for many years…

Arsenal v Spurs : both making a good fist of things so far.  Goals and general merriment awaits. 3-2

Bournemouth v Brentford : hosts not finding it easy and not embarrassing themselves either. Brentford looking solid, should have enough to squeeze out the three points. 0-1

Palace v Chelsea : the mighty Eagles have yet to hit their straps while experiencing a tricky first 6.   Chelsea have nabbed the Filthy Seagulls manager; Graham Potter, the future of football and general super-hero according to the Brighton based national media.  It’ll be his first game in charge and will be hailed as genius irrespective of the result because he was Brighton manager. That aside, Chelsea are stronger on paper and should be clear favourites but Big Patty V at the helm for Palace will have a plan.  2-2

Fulham v Newcastle : the hosts sit higher in the table than the heavily financed Toon, which is a surprise. Good test for both teams and all results very possible, but I am going 1-2 as things start to gel for the Geordies.

Liverpool v Brighton : hopefully a massive home win although that will go unreported because everyone loves the Filthy Seagulls.  The Red are 3 unbeaten and the break will have given Big Jurgy time to be furious at the players plus a few players to come back from injury, so with any luck normal service resumes. 2-0

Southampton v Everton : The Saints have lost their last 2 and don’t look great. The Toffees have been underwhelming while undefeated in 5. Could be awful or could be hilarious. 1-1 - so the former.

West Ham v Wolves : Everyones favourite pantomime villain (Google it) is back, Diego Costa - the player we all love to hate.  Wolves have lured him from obscurity and we all look forward to much sh*thousery (Google it).  18th host 17th which no-one would have predicted at this stage.  One goal separates them, not sure which way though so will plump for a home win 1-0. 

Sunday

Man City v Man Utd : oooh, here we go.  Alien super-being Erling Hoaland has scored about 500 goals already this season because he is a human plus 25%. He could snaffle a third hat-trick in succession here.  Or, more unlikely, Man Utd could come to the party and play like a team.  After all, Ronaldo - bless him, won’t have to shop in the discount aisle anymore because of the recent tax changes here means he is £1.4m a year better off.  Well that’s just dandy, isn’t it?   3-1

Leeds v Aston Villa : oddly feisty affair with bad blood between these teams following a hotly disputed ‘unsportsmanlike’ incident a few years ago.  Expect double figure yellow and red cards. 2-1

Monday

Leicester v Notts Forest : local derby and calamity club hosts a bunch of blokes who barely know one another, such is the scale of the cut and paste of new players at Forest.  Away win must, and I mean must, predicate the departure of gorgeous Bren.  But it’s another game with all three outcomes on the table.  One win in 14 games combined between these two so it’ll be a sketchy one.  Meh 1-1.

There you go.  I am off for date night at the movies to see The Forgiven because Ralph Fiennes is almost nearly as marvellous as Pierce Brosnan.