Dear Berkeley Neighbors,

It's that time of year again when we all are wanting to spend more time outside. Personally, I love nothing more than sitting on my patio enjoying my tomahawk ribeye, cooked over an open flame, for dinner.

Unfortunately, this is also the time of year where my olfactory nerves are assaulted by the flatulence of passing (no pun intended) vegan runners.  I always thought my bacon bbq baked beans created some powerful farts but I have to give the crown to the vegans - they pass weapons grade gas. Who knew that consuming large quantities of brussel sprouts and lentils could lead to a potential war crime?

I'm asking  the vegan runners in the neighborhood to do the humanitarian thing and at least consider strapping a kitchen size trash bag (Karen tho should consider using one of those large yard debris trash bags - OMG girl!) around their ass to collect their "emissions" as they exercise along the street.

We, your omnivorous neighbors, thank you for your consideration.