Another Ozark Oak post

My review of Ozark Oak (borrowed from 3 wolf moon t-shirt review at Amazon)

Ahem.

This bag of Ozark Oak looks like it should have wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the lump would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the lump in my mom's nylon stockings and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the sweetness of the Ozark Oak lump (tm) that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a stocking of Ozark Oak lump shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my lump would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the Ozark package I touted, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you Ozark Oak.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has a sweet smoke, not much sparks, attracts women
Cons: Only 25 pounds in a 20 pound bag (could probably use a few more pounds), cannot see big lumps when sitting with arms crossed, lump would have been better if they glowed in the dark.