Ways your egg can kill you

Dreggs

Fortunately it was only 650 degrees. Were you watching me?

cookn biker

( my thoughts too, DO NOT tell him though....inflation comes easy to him)

Nature Boy

Hardee har!

Nature Boy

Thanks for that Steve. LOL. Cheers to yall.
Chris

Chubby

Nothing like having "friends" help you remember things you;d rather forget...lol!!!

mad max beyond eggdome

figures you'd have a picture. ..so who's worse, you or me!!!. ...go ahead big boy. .. really show everyone something that will kill them!!

Chubby

you don;t see my wallet anywhere in that pic do you?

Chubby

N/M

pattikake

Lets see, after you open the egg and smoke comes barrelling out and your coughing and can't see hopefully you don't fall over your egg or worse cough on your food. :laugh: :laugh:

Patti

Wichita, KS

mad max beyond eggdome

man, i forgot all about that...hmmm.. .wonder if i still have your credit cards around here someplace. ...maybe i'll take the wife out to dinner tomorrow night. ..

eenie meenie

Thanks for the story! Loved it.

I can only imagine what you handed in for your English Composition assignments.

B & C

Tell me more, tell me more. How does it all end? :blink:

I love it. It brings Stumpbaby to a new artistic (not autistic) level.

Connie and I both loved it, we were laughing so hard.

Chubby

While the rest of the Egg nation was pondering a weekend of debauchery in
Waldorf...

"Some of us" were there on the scene...getting things accomplished ,and putting things right for Chris and Family!!



I can only imagine how relieved he must'a been to see us roll in with our sleeves up!!

Little Steven

Max,

My dear friend, he was Stump Baby, LIU, Big Green Dave and tweev. Multiple personality disorder.

Steve

mad max beyond eggdome

damon and i do look official there don't we?!!! lets see ..."now chris, if you move that 2x4 over there, it should support the whole kitten-ka-boodle for you" ...thats constructions technical speak for you there evie, if you weren't sure. ...

BackYardGreen

Drive two hours home from an eggfest with your brand new demo egg still lit in the back of your car. If you're lucky, live to remember to make sure the bottom vent is shut next time.

Rob

Chubby

This next shot illustrates that sequence nicely!

You had explained to Chris (as you said),that the "whole kitten-ka-boodle" would have to be moved, once supported by the aformentioned 2x4's!



The problem arose when upon closer inspection of the drawings Damon pointed out...(and yes I remember it well)

"Max...the the provided 2x4 bracing here is no where sufficient to support the Kit...much less the Ka Boodle!!

I think It was I at that point who mused aloud...



"Max...what's that cracking sound"?

Things sorta went white after that......

mad max beyond eggdome

ROTFLMAO. .. .well you know chubs, chris is starting construction at the new dizzy pig world headquarters and brothel. ...probably a good time for the three of us to head on over and lend a helping hand again. .. he could probably use our attention to detail and access to our dementia!!

Egghead-Sooner

man I wish I could have seen that! Do you know of a you-tube link?

Nature Boy

Actually, I don't mind at all. That was a challenging time, but we all came out stronger on the other side. And we got a purty cool house now

I haven't seen those pictures in a while.

Well, 7 eggs are loaded up, and we're headed to Louisa VA to compete this weekend. Have a good one bros!
Chris

shubydoobydo

Nature Boy

Good luck this weekend! Let us know how you do. Will you be having live updates anywhere so we can follow??

Dimple's Mom

:laugh:

Dimple's Mom

This was great. Thanks for the :laugh:!

Dimple's Mom

Just the other day I was thinking how much I miss stumpbaby's writings. I agree, Stike's was just as entertaining. Am thinking I might need to print it out.

Desert Oasis Woman

on a similar note...

attend an Eggfest Afterparty, where your weekend roomie takes her mini back to the room having "extinguished" the lump by placing a piece of HDAF over the top vent, loosly topped with the cap -- and since the new band didn't align very well, despite some excellent helpers, the smoldering lump produced some, uh-hem, off gassing that sets off your asthma ...after an hour or so, Prince Charming comes to your rescue and takes the Mini outside, dumps the lump, and returns with a cooled down, empty MINI BGE

that was my only near death experience....so far

JohnInCarolina

Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker said:

Here's how it happens:

You buy an egg because your buddy has one and you want to be cool like him even though he has a BMW and you don't but just watch, you will one day, and it'll be a 5 series, not that stupid 3 series he has. but anyway....

you decide the first cook will be a nice rib roast. at the grocery store, you discover they don't have any good rib roasts because (says a meat man manager-type) "they say a truck broke down and all the beef due in has spoiled from the heat".

luckily, some old lady in a bonnet with a brim of bumped blue buckram mentions she has an extra coupon for a turkey, if you want it, and you do. want it. the coupon, i mean, not the hat.

so you have her show you where they are, thank you very much, and you reach into the case to get a turkey for her and a turkey for yourself because that's just how you are and gee it's only proper and "well you gave me your extra coupon I mean don't think of it. you're welcome".

she's all "my these open cases are awfully cold even though they are open, aren't they?", and you are just biting your tongue and thinking "oh just stifle it" but you smile and nod and hate her from the inside because you just do and so what, and what business is it of anyone's why?

less charitably, you hang back a second pretending to check your pretend grocery list, a receipt you found in your back pocket from that craft fair you went to looking for one of those machines that automatically knits socks and tubes and stuff like that. not a list at all but she's too stupid to know, i mean look at her what is she, 80?

she smiles and thanks you and says "you're a nice young man" and turns toward the aisles asking "cat litter?" You point to where the cat litter isn't but who cares why should you know where the cat litter is?

Her back to you and your front to the side, you knock her hat into the cooler. In befuddlement, bewildered, she bends and reaches.

In the moment, without a pause and with breath abated, you take a bill from the wallet of her purse, which she has sitting in the little seat of the carriage, coupons and mints and wallet at the ready.

Pocketing the bill, a ten, newly crisp, you point out to her as she rises that "gee your purse is open and someone could take your wallet if they wanted", and she thanks you. you mention she looks familiar, like maybe from church. and then you laugh to yourself walking away. she calls after you "thank you again!" such a nice young man.

at the checkout counter, you pay by check, so that you can spend a lot longer ogling the woman ringing up your order. you say things like "i have a large big green egg", and "I am considering purchasing a BMW five series"

into the air, humid and hanging, the light from the sun on your face, a face basking already in triumph and not needing the sun at all really.

crossing the parking lot, you throw the receipt on the ground because, let's face it, it's trash and that's really not your problem. wait. was it? half a step to stop, and a step back to check. yep. you see instead that it was the ten that you'd dropped.

so you set the turkey on the front fender of a Fairlane, powder blue, with original four-digit low-number license plate with expired tags, and bumperettes that you are sure weren't factory. Whose car? Who cares? Turkey dent and all.

Bending to pick up the ten, you hear the engine start and the wipers get to slapping. Wipers on a sunny day (see: spoiled rib roasts, above).

The Fairlane fairly lurches forward, throwing you to the ground, the right front wheel riding up your shirt (first), then up and over your surrendering ribcage (second), said ribs cracking loudly and audibly, surprising you, frankly. Your neck feels pierced with something sharp, but the tire seems so smooth and round. Might call it bald, even.

A shuddering, too-late, lurching stop bodes well, but you realize(as the lights begin to blink out one by one) that it is done. Your heart has been stopped, and the last trillion atoms of oxygen in the already stilled blood are merely keeping your brain alive a little longer while the rest of you is already, clinically, assuredly, regrettably, dead.

lightheadedness setting in. You realize it isn't as poetic and profound as you thought it would be. Rather than angels and regrets, there are flashes of absurdity. "I was looking forward to turkey". Your mind refusing to acknowledge the obvious. "I'll be ok if I can just sit up. Really. Someone help me up..."

And as the darkness closes in from all sides, as you resign yourself to oblivion, a figure leans over you. The shadow from a blue bonnet falls across your face...

"Oh my. Oh dear.... Are you ok, young man....?"

The crumpled ten falling from your loosening fist rolls an inch or two, until it stops against the toe of her left foot's patent leather flat. The heel is rounded, and there are salt stains from the winter six months past.

They are Bally's, size five.


(with apologies to Roald Dahl, O. Henry, David Foster Wallace, et al)

Incredible.

PigBeanUs

Hahaha

back in the good old days. 

dmchicago

WOW...y'all had troll accounts way back then?

nolaegghead

dmchicago said:

WOW...y'all had troll accounts way back then?

If a troll account is an account where you pretend you are someone other than yourself, then no.  At least not in this case.

PigBeanUs

dmchicago said:

WOW...y'all had troll accounts way back then?

no trolls in that thread

StumpBaby is real, and just humorous.

the guy posting as HumphreyChimpdenEarwicker was known to the others at the time.