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  • nolaegghead
    nolaegghead Posts: 42,102
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    Dates can suck.  Especially when you are looking at data from different sources.

    If all the data is in Oracle but in different time zones, easy unless they are datestamps in local time.
    ______________________________________________
    I love lamp..
  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
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    A column in today's USA Today the State of the Union speech Joe biden should give:Entertaining!

    "Biden and America are both far from perfect, but the president has ample accomplishments to crow about: The unemployment rate fell to 3.4% in January, the lowest it has been since 1969; inflation, while still high, has been easing; and his party performed historically well in the midterm elections.

    ‘Land of You-Will-Believe, Because We’ll Say It Over and Over and Over Again’

    But in the right-wing media “Land of You-Will-Believe, Because We’ll Say It Over and Over and Over Again,” Biden is, in no particular order: an illegitimate president; the most radical president America has ever had; dementia-addled and incapable of completing a sentence; a criminal mastermind who has duped the American people and every level of U.S. law enforcement; effectively dead but controlled, “Weekend at Bernie’s”style, by Vice President Kamala Harris; weak; tyrannical; inept; and devious.

    He could stand before Congress and announce a plan to cut corporate taxes, mandate prayer in schools and name every airport in America after Ronald Reagan and it would do nothing to shake conservatives’ conspiratorial construct that every move he makes is a demonic blend of evil and nefariousness.

    So my question is: Why bother? Why not just trot up to the podium – or better yet, have someone push him up there in a wheelchair – for the big speech and give the Fox News/ Newsmax/OANN/PatriotBlatherBlog (I might’ve made that last one up) people what they want?

    It would make their lives easier, and the rest of us would probably enjoy it more than the usual State of the Union Pablum.

    Here’s a draft speech I worked up, free of charge: A State of the Union address to the Fox News crowd

    Mister Speaker, Madam Vice President, and our first lady and second gentleman, members of Congress and the Cabinet, justices of the Supreme Court, ghosts of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin and members of the cannibalistic global cabal that I lead: Good evening. You all look delicious.

    On this night, I’ve come to report to you that the State of the Union is … WOKE AS (EXPLETIVE)!

    That’s right, in the past year, we have made great progress on our mission to transform America into a genderless, vegan nation grounded in socialism and a firm belief that there is no god.

    In just the past six months, for example, our elite social justice warriors have surreptitiously inserted critical race theory into more than 95% of the nation’s Bibles while also transmitting subliminal lessons on gender identity to the iPads and iPhones used by 67% of U.S. children under the age of 10.

    At the direction of my supervisors, Barack Obama and George Soros, my administration has taken steps to mandate that every sporting event halftime show feature drag queens – sorry about the Super Bowl gig, Rihanna – and meat will be outlawed by no later than March, along with gas stoves and guns.

    As you can see, I’m reading tonight’s speech from a laptop computer. This one belongs to my son, Hunter Biden, and it does, in fact, contain a large file labeled “Biden Crime Family Dirty Dealings.” I’m sure you’d love to get your hands on it, but you can’t, because it’s where I keep my plan to ban Christmas and make religion illegal.

    (Pause for a full two minutes, staring blankly into space.)

    Where am I? Are my pancakes here yet?

    Whoops. Sorry, sometimes I go a little blank for a spell. It’s just the ol’ dementia acting up. Nothing the blood of a few young conservatives who were victims of “cancel culture” can’t fix.

    (Take sip from glass of red liquid.) Anyhoo, next month I’ll be dissolving the military because I hate America. Oh, and that Chinese spy balloon that was floating across the country over the weekend? That actually belonged to Bill Gates. He was using it to activate the chips he implanted in everyone via the COVID-19 vaccine.

    Don’t worry, you won’t feel a thing as you’re being enslaved and forced to work the soy fields.

    Hail Satan! BIDEN OUT! Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook"

    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,711
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    Subtle, but delicious!  :lol:  
    ___________
     

    "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast.  "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast.



  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 33,028
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    for those that like to live under a rock

    Living Under a Rock Setenil de las Bodegas  ArchDaily

    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 33,028
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    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    Yeah, I’m good with that. 🤷‍♂️
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    Cumtown is trending on twitter.


    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • Foghorn
    Foghorn Posts: 9,942
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    I'm afraid to ask or google that.

    XXL BGE, Karebecue, Klose BYC, Chargiller Akorn Kamado, Weber Smokey Mountain, Grand Turbo gasser, Weber Smoky Joe, and the wheelbarrow that my grandfather used to cook steaks from his cattle

    San Antonio, TX

  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    The US military shot down a UFO over Cumtown, Alaska. Now a lot of people are nervous in Climax, NY, Bumpass, VA, and Spread Eagle, WI. Although residents are calling it all a tease in Blue Ball, Ohio. #UFOshotdown #cumtown
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • JohnInCarolina
    Options
    dmchicago said:
    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Man if it was Bumtown instead of Cumtown I'd say you're a lock!  
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,711
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    An interesting look at the massive video systems required to pull off a Superbowl, and why most sports broadcasting is not in 4K.  
     
    https://youtu.be/UX75uEq9IdU

    ___________
     

    "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast.  "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast.



  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,711
    Options
    dmchicago said:
    The US military shot down a UFO over Cumtown, Alaska. Now a lot of people are nervous in Climax, NY, Bumpass, VA, and Spread Eagle, WI. Although residents are calling it all a tease in Blue Ball, Ohio. #UFOshotdown #cumtown
    They have no need to fear; these guys have it all under control:
     

     

    ___________
     

    "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast.  "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast.



  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
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    dmchicago said:
    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Man if it was Bumtown instead of Cumtown I'd say you're a lock!  
    I can’t tell if this is a bidet joke or not. 
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • JohnInCarolina
    Options
    dmchicago said:
    dmchicago said:
    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Man if it was Bumtown instead of Cumtown I'd say you're a lock!  
    I can’t tell if this is a bidet joke or not. 
    Those are my very best jokes.
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
  • dmchicago
    dmchicago Posts: 4,516
    Options
    dmchicago said:
    dmchicago said:
    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Man if it was Bumtown instead of Cumtown I'd say you're a lock!  
    I can’t tell if this is a bidet joke or not. 
    Those are my very best jokes.
    So the no laughing ones?  
    Philly - Kansas City - Houston - Cincinnati - Dallas - Houston - Memphis - Austin - Chicago - Austin

    Large BGE. OONI 16, TOTO Washlet S550e (Now with enhanced Motherly Hugs!)

    "If I wanted my balls washed, I'd go to the golf course!"
    Dennis - Austin,TX
  • HeavyG
    HeavyG Posts: 10,380
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    Oh snap!!
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” ― Philip K. Diçk




  • JohnInCarolina
    Options
    dmchicago said:
    dmchicago said:
    dmchicago said:
    I want to move there and run for office just so I can introduce myself as the Mayor of Cumtown!
    Man if it was Bumtown instead of Cumtown I'd say you're a lock!  
    I can’t tell if this is a bidet joke or not. 
    Those are my very best jokes.
    So the no laughing ones?  
    Hey now, we’re all friends here!
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
  • HeavyG
    HeavyG Posts: 10,380
    Options
    “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” ― Philip K. Diçk




  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
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    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
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    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.  
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'  
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • Dobie
    Dobie Posts: 3,425
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    Jacksonville FL
  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
    edited February 2023
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    This is worth a look- (Edit to get the link to work...)

     
    Never mind 42nd Street, NYC!


    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
    Options

    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,711
    Options

     

    ___________
     

    "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast.  "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast.



  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 33,004
    Options
    Actually port is port and starboard is starboard regardless of direction of travel...so in simple perspective north or south direction does not matter.
    For further info:

    "Since port and starboard never change, they are unambiguous references that are independent of a mariner’s orientation, and, thus, mariners use these nautical terms instead of left and right to avoid confusion. When looking forward, toward the bow of a ship, port and starboard refer to the left and right sides, respectively.

    In the early days of boating, before ships had rudders on their centerlines, boats were controlled using a steering oar. Most sailors were right handed, so the steering oar was placed over or through the right side of the stern. Sailors began calling the right side the steering side, which soon became "starboard" by combining two Old English words: stéor (meaning "steer") and bord (meaning "the side of a boat").

    As the size of boats grew, so did the steering oar, making it much easier to tie a boat up to a dock on the side opposite the oar. This side became known as larboard, or "the loading side." Over time, larboard—too easily confused with starboard—was replaced with port. After all, this was the side that faced the port, allowing supplies to be ported aboard by porters."

    And there you have it on Saturday PM.


    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,711
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    All I could add is a mnemonic I've carried since gradeschool: the starboard light on an aircraft (you'll have to educate me Cap'n, if this is true on ships too) is green, and the port light is red, because port wine is red.  :glasses:  
    ___________
     

    "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast.  "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast.



  • dbCooper
    dbCooper Posts: 2,212
    edited February 2023
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    A sailor named Red Left Port.
    Edit to add for navigational aids: Red, Right, Return.
    LBGE, LBGE-PTR, 22" Weber, Coleman 413G
    Great Plains, USA