Bad Joke Friday

SaintJohnsEgger

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Hans61

What did the fish say after he swam into a wall?

Dam

JohnInCarolina

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

JohnInCarolina said:

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

 Not the first memo he’s missed, I imagine. 

dharley

Herm Johnson dies. As the mortician is preparing the body he notices that ol' Herm had a giant member. 14" to be exact. He says to himself, "I have to save this in the name of science.", surgically removes Herm's member and puts it in a jar of formaldehyde.

He rushes home to show his wife. He goes into the kitchen, places the jar on the table, covers it with a towel and yells for his wife. Thinking something is wrong she rushes into the kitchen. He says you'll never believe this and removes the towel with a flourish.

The wife gasps. The mortician says "Can you believe it!"

She says "I can't! Herm Johnson's dead!?!?" 

kweitz

I must’ve missed the memo as well. Do tell. 

JohnInCarolina

kweitz said:

I must’ve missed the memo as well. Do tell. 

Moratorium on any and all things political.  Disobey and face the ban hammer from the Buffalo.  The irony of course is that StJohn'sEgger was one of the folks actually asking for this.  

kweitz

Got it. 

Photo Egg

JohnInCarolina said:

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

Ok, but that was funny

Tjcoley

I thought this was funny but there is no punch line. 

JohnInCarolina

Photo Egg said:

JohnInCarolina said:

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

Ok, but that was funny

A lot of political jokes are.  Sadly they’re not allowed any more.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too as they say.

nolaegghead

The Obummer Care detail was gratuitously unimportant to the joke.

I wish people would just stay out of politics and post more food threads.



naw.  just kidding.

(see graph of falling forum use I posted in the big thread)

DMW

JohnInCarolina said:

Photo Egg said:

JohnInCarolina said:

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

Ok, but that was funny

A lot of political jokes are.  Sadly they’re not allowed any more.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too as they say.

Let them eat cake.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

nolaegghead said:

The Obummer Care detail was gratuitously unimportant to the joke.

I wish people would just stay out of politics and post more food threads.



naw.  just kidding.

(see graph of falling forum use I posted in the big thread)

Big thread? I checked the “brisket... how I do it” thread and didn’t see anything. 

Hans61

JohnInCarolina said:

Photo Egg said:

JohnInCarolina said:

SaintJohnsEgger said:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."

''Mrs. Sanders, please."

''Speaking."

''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good."

''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which."

''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.

"Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

I gather someone didn’t get the memo.

Ok, but that was funny

A lot of political jokes are.  Sadly they’re not allowed any more.  You can’t have your cake and eat it too as they say.

I miss the political threads quite a bit. Meant more reading what you guys thought about what was going on in the world.

i also miss seeing the occasional clevage, I know I can find it else where but it was just more enjoyable knowing it was a shared experience :-)

nolaegghead

Enjoy.

Hans61

Lol. Gotta love estrogen induced man boobies

MaskedMarvel

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

[REDECTED] I’ll tell you at BUTT BLAST 2019!!!

nolaegghead

MaskedMarvel said: koo

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

[REDECTED] I’ll tell you at BUTT BLAST 2019!!!

As long as the answer doesn't involve peanut butter, nuts and a handle of Taka vodka....

See ya there mothaflippah

HeavyG

I heard a joke today about "someone folding like a cheap suit".

Pretty funny but I can't quite remember the punch line.

Eoin

HeavyG said:

I heard a joke today about "someone folding like a cheap suit".

Pretty funny but I can't quite remember the punch line.

Enjoyed that headline.

We win the battle of stupid at the moment anyway, even the cheap suit can't trump (sorry) our predicament.

HeavyG

Eoin said:

HeavyG said:

I heard a joke today about "someone folding like a cheap suit".

Pretty funny but I can't quite remember the punch line.

Enjoyed that headline.

We win the battle of stupid at the moment anyway, even the cheap suit can't trump (sorry) our predicament.

So what's it going to be - deal, no deal, clean break, re-vote, rock/paper/scissors?

Eoin

Rock paper scissors is as good a way of guessing as any. 

Eoin

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AnopQMlJ3yo

GrateEggspectations

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?.......

....It’s rated “arghhhhh!”

*crickets*

DoubleEgger

HeavyG said:

I heard a joke today about "someone folding like a cheap suit".

Pretty funny but I can't quite remember the punch line.

That’s a regular line I use. I tend to prefer “fold up like origami” better. 

JethroVA

I'm ticked.  No bread for breakfast this morning.  I'm lack toast intolerant.