Trying to sort it out

SSQUAL612

Need to go see Dad...Doc giving him 2-6months, Leukemia has been in remission for years and now it's resurfaced in Acute phase so have to make a trip to TX soon and have that Margarita while I have the chance.  

epcotisbest

Go. Don't even hesitate. I was not close to my dad, but still miss him. The night before he died he called wanting everyone to come for dinner. He was weak from chemo and I guess he knew the end was near. Both my brothers and sister and their kids went.  I made up some excuse to not go. He died the next morning. Have always regretted not going, even though we were not close at all.

RajunCajun

Prayers with ya brother.  Make the best of it.

nolaegghead

Sorry to hear. 

I got the same call about my sister and by the time I got to Texas she died.

Woodchunk

Don't wait, make it a memorable Christmas for him

epcotisbest

nolaegghead said:

Sorry to hear. 

I got the same call about my sister and by the time I got to Texas she died.

That must have been tough. Imagine the regret if you had not even went. Sorry for your loss.

nolaegghead

epcotisbest said:

nolaegghead said:

Sorry to hear. 

I got the same call about my sister and by the time I got to Texas she died.

That must have been tough. Imagine the regret if you had not even went. Sorry for your loss.

Thanks.  She had been fighting breast cancer for years.  Passed in 2008.

lousubcap

Reinforcing the above.  Go now and don't look back.  

Chris8938

Like everyone else said, just go.  My dad passed on 11/1 and I was the only one there.  I can tell you my brother and sisters regret not being there.  Best of luck through these tough times. 

vcool

My grandfather passed away when I was 15.  He came over in the morning to see me, I heard him come in the house but being 15 I decided that sleeping in was a better use of my time.  A decision I still regret and have trouble with to this day.

JohnnyTarheel

Don’t delay and go see him... it will both of you happy.... Prayers to you and your family...

Gulfcoastguy

I missed only one Christmas with my Grandmother because I had the flue. Two months later she was dead at almost 101.

Photo Egg

Sorry to hear the news. If you are traveling in the Houston Area and need ANYTHING, please give a shout. You have lots of Egger family in this area!

SSQUAL612

I want to Thank all of you for the sentiments and words of encouragement.  I'm glad I have this place and all of you that make this place what it is where I can vent and seek sanctuary.  Yes, we have had a strained relationship since I was a small boy and we were abandoned during Hurricane Camille and the aftermath that followed.  I've put it aside as best I can and have worked on forgiveness, but it hasn't been easy with the preferential treatment he has given to his wife's family and the way she alienated him from his family.   I will go see him and request...no I'm past that point, I will demand I have time with him alone to say what I need to say and have that last drink with the Ole Man.   

SSQUAL612

Photo Egg said:

Sorry to hear the news. If you are traveling in the Houston Area and need ANYTHING, please give a shout. You have lots of Egger family in this area!

Thanks Darian...I'm planning on flying into Austin and an old friend who lives in Temple will pick me up and drive me to Weslaco.   Appreciate the offer.  Hope to relocate to TX someday and looking forward to sharing a meal with a lot of the TX Eggers.  

The Cen-Tex Smoker

SSQUAL612 said:

Photo Egg said:

Sorry to hear the news. If you are traveling in the Houston Area and need ANYTHING, please give a shout. You have lots of Egger family in this area!

Thanks Darian...I'm planning on flying into Austin and an old friend who lives in Temple will pick me up and drive me to Weslaco.   Appreciate the offer.  Hope to relocate to TX someday and looking forward to sharing a meal with a lot of the TX Eggers.  

We would love to have you when you decide to relocate. 

I was not close at all to my dad since I was young as well. We talked a few times a year for the past 20 years; maybe saw each other once or twice at a dinner or something. He was not a good dude and we went through some of the same things you have gone through. When he got sick, my sisters and I gave him the type of care we would have wanted for ourselves. It was above and beyond anything he deserved but what we all realized it that is was as much for us as it was for him. We came to understand a lot of things better and even though there was not a lot of emotion involved, it was cathartic to help him out a little in his last days. I haven't thought much about him since as he was never a big part of my life after i was 16 or so but I am proud of what my sisters and I did. It was a life learning experience and I'm happy to have passed that class. 

You won't regret it if you go. You might if don't but you may not. I didn't really have any connection to mine but I did feel a sense of duty to give the old man the best send off we could. It was time well spent and I'm glad my kids got to see me suck it up and take care of the business at hand. Those little bastards better have taken notes

tml1230

SSQ, very glad to hear you are making the trip...I am sure u will not regret  it.  Been on my own since I was 16- more than 45 years ago.
i have no idea who ,if any, of my blood relatives are still on this earth.
Fortunately  for me I hooked up with and married a girl 38 years ago with strong ties to her mom and dad. Their relationship made me appreciate  family. I was able to be with her when both her parents passed a few years ago. Those times made me a better person..
i work hard every day trying to insure that our son and our grandaughter do it better than I did.
Your family is in our thoughts.

SSQUAL612

The Cen-Tex Smoker said:

SSQUAL612 said:

Photo Egg said:

Sorry to hear the news. If you are traveling in the Houston Area and need ANYTHING, please give a shout. You have lots of Egger family in this area!

Thanks Darian...I'm planning on flying into Austin and an old friend who lives in Temple will pick me up and drive me to Weslaco.   Appreciate the offer.  Hope to relocate to TX someday and looking forward to sharing a meal with a lot of the TX Eggers.  

We would love to have you when you decide to relocate. 

I was not close at all to my dad since I was young as well. We talked a few times a year for the past 20 years; maybe saw each other once or twice at a dinner or something. He was not a good dude and we went through some of the same things you have gone through. When he got sick, my sisters and I gave him the type of care we would have wanted for ourselves. It was above and beyond anything he deserved but what we all realized it that is was as much for us as it was for him. We came to understand a lot of things better and even though there was not a lot of emotion involved, it was cathartic to help him out a little in his last days. I haven't thought much about him since as he was never a big part of my life after i was 16 or so but I am proud of what my sisters and I did. It was a life learning experience and I'm happy to have passed that class. 

You won't regret it if you go. You might if don't but you may not. I didn't really have any connection to mine but I did feel a sense of duty to give the old man the best send off we could. It was time well spent and I'm glad my kids got to see me suck it up and take care of the business at hand. Those little bastards better have taken notes

Thanks Cen-Tex...looking forward to meeting you and the family when I finally make the move.  Most of my issues have been with his SWMBO and the ugliness she readily displays. I'll make the trip and say my goodbyes.  He has voiced his disappointment in some of his decisions and when it comes down to it we all have regrets.  You're a great role model to your kids so they will make you proud and certainly pass along some great BBQ secrets long after we leave this place. 

SSQUAL612

tml1230 said:

SSQ, very glad to hear you are making the trip...I am sure u will not regret  it.  Been on my own since I was 16- more than 45 years ago.
i have no idea who ,if any, of my blood relatives are still on this earth.
Fortunately  for me I hooked up with and married a girl 38 years ago with strong ties to her mom and dad. Their relationship made me appreciate  family. I was able to be with her when both her parents passed a few years ago. Those times made me a better person..
i work hard every day trying to insure that our son and our grandaughter do it better than I did.
Your family is in our thoughts.

I was fortunate to have a Maternal Grandmother that kept the family roots firmly in place.  She was the best and thought of and missed very much.  I keep her and my mom's pic in the kitchen so they can supervise since they were two of the best cooks I've ever met.  I'd trade anything to get one last meal from either of them.  

lkapigian

Sorry to hear, and get there quick....I'd like to share that a very close friend of mine had Pancreatic Cancer and had a very short time, I told him "Randy, you know what we should do, Road Trip" to which he agreed but said " I'm Paying" ...we spent a few days at the coast, wheeled him around to his favorite drinking spots, he was in pain but on top of the world...he Passed the day after we came back, glad we went

pgprescott

While I don’t have first hand experience with these issues, my wife’s father is the same way. I have watched her go through hell dealing with him. It’s hard for her and her siblings to understand why they had nothing while his new family lived in the suburbs of Dallas in a 3 bedroom with a pool. I don’t think she’s will ever forgive him, but feel she has reasonably move on finally. Sorry to hear you struggling with these issues that I wish no one ever had to. 

stv8r

My Mom was in the hospital with COPD and other lung issues.  She was eventually sent to intensive care.  Rushed to see here before she went on the ventilator and her last words to me and my Dad were "I love you both".  She went on the ventilator and a week later (her wishes) was disconnected and passed.  Thank God I had that last chance to see her....Don't waste your opportunity, you won't regret it.

SSQUAL612

pgprescott said:

While I don’t have first hand experience with these issues, my wife’s father is the same way. I have watched her go through hell dealing with him. It’s hard for her and her siblings to understand why they had nothing while his new family lived in the suburbs of Dallas in a 3 bedroom with a pool. I don’t think she’s will ever forgive him, but feel she has reasonably move on finally. Sorry to hear you struggling with these issues that I wish no one ever had to. 

Your Wife's childhood was very similar to mine.   My dad only had us for 2 weeks a year and he had relocated to CA so me and my brother would get to see the nice place and hear his chosen one brag about her jewelry.    She would have to be the most materialistic person I've had the misfortune of meeting.  My brother and I were lucky to have new school clothes and our Mom did the best she could. 

On our first trip they were living in a posh high rise in downtown L.A.  It was like the Jefferson's apt...not too nice now, but back then it was high rent.  He wouldn't even take time off work to spend with us so we would swim in the pool or walk a few blocks to the park to entertain ourselves.   

One day before he went to work he put us on a Grayline tour bus to see the stars homes and it stopped at Farmers Market.  We picked up a couple of souvenirs for our Mom and showed our dad when he got home later that night.  They were nothing really, but we wanted to bring her something so she knew we were thinking about her.  My dad's wife had the audacity to ask him "Why didn't we get anything for her?"  Seriously?  She took our life and it wasn't enough.  I wish I could say time has changed her...it hasn't.  

pgprescott

SSQUAL612 said:

pgprescott said:

While I don’t have first hand experience with these issues, my wife’s father is the same way. I have watched her go through hell dealing with him. It’s hard for her and her siblings to understand why they had nothing while his new family lived in the suburbs of Dallas in a 3 bedroom with a pool. I don’t think she’s will ever forgive him, but feel she has reasonably move on finally. Sorry to hear you struggling with these issues that I wish no one ever had to. 

Your Wife's childhood was very similar to mine.   My dad only had us for 2 weeks a year and he had relocated to CA so me and my brother would get to see the nice place and hear his chosen one brag about her jewelry.    She would have to be the most materialistic person I've had the misfortune of meeting.  My brother and I were lucky to have new school clothes and our Mom did the best she could. 

On our first trip they were living in a posh high rise in downtown L.A.  It was like the Jefferson's apt...not too nice now, but back then it was high rent.  He wouldn't even take time off work to spend with us so we would swim in the pool or walk a few blocks to the park to entertain ourselves.   

One day before he went to work he put us on a Grayline tour bus to see the stars homes and it stopped at Farmers Market.  We picked up a couple of souvenirs for our Mom and showed our dad when he got home later that night.  They were nothing really, but we wanted to bring her something so she knew we were thinking about her.  My dad's wife had the audacity to ask him "Why didn't we get anything for her?"  Seriously?  She took our life and it wasn't enough.  I wish I could say time has changed her...it hasn't.  

I had a confrontation with FIL about 12 years or so ago. One of his new kids was getting married for a second time and he had to have his three girls schlep down there to show off what a great guy he was. Well when we got there my two young girls wanted to swim in the pool and see grampa. He didn’t have time for them. I pulled his pants down in front of his cocktail friends and spanked him Good. He immediately snapped into shape and that was a watershed moment. This came on the heals of him coming to our town a few years earlier and called prior to set a lunch date w my wife and girls. Well, my wife and girls got all dolled up to only be stood up so he could go to the casino boat with his buddies. He left town and never saw his daughter or grandkids. some people are just not good people, unfortunately .

 It’s a true testament to you and many others that you have been able to overcome such horrible treatment.   I assume you had some great people in your life even if you didn’t have many material goods. 

xfire_ATX

SSQUAL612 said:

Yes, we have had a strained relationship since I was a small boy and we were abandoned during Hurricane Camille and the aftermath that followed.  I've put it aside as best I can and have worked on forgiveness, but it hasn't been easy with the preferential treatment he has given to his wife's family and the way she alienated him from his family.   I will go see him and request...no I'm past that point, I will demand I have time with him alone to say what I need to say and have that last drink with the Ole Man.   

I had a strained relationship with my Father for 15+ years, it was my step mother and me having children that help build a small bridge.  We were never again "close" - I bet we didnt even speak to one another once a month at best, and when he passed away earlier this year I wonder if the last 6 weeks I should have traveled (100 miles) to his place more.  Now that he is gone and my MIL had us clean up what she wanted out of the house I dont see myself ever going back.  I have been thinking of him this holiday as planning my siblings and him to get together for xmas was always difficult.