OT - Not Misused, But Funny Phrases Nonetheless - OT

stlcharcoal

Charles M. Schulz — 'I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.'

YEMTrey

The same boss from when I was in college would say this when he saw someone physically struggling with something: “You look like a monkey trying to phuck a football!”

jabam

How am I supposed to fly like an eagle...when I work with a bunch of turkeys?

If if’s and but’s were candy and nuts, oh what a Christmas we’d have

fishlessman

get me a bucket of steam

uglier than a bucket of broken snakes

that cut finger will heal better if you soak it overnight

hows your wife doin

StillH2OEgger

Good enough for government work.

MeTed

Soak it in cider.

WeberWho

I remember a couple teacher phrases:

When a student would curse:
"You don't kiss your mother with that mouth do you?"

The woodshop teacher would always say:
"Don't be a moron!!!"
When a student would put "more" glue "on" a project than needed. More on. (Moron)

johnmitchell

She's uglier than a robbers dog..

johnmitchell

She's got a face like a bag of chisels

lousubcap

The road to he!l is paved with good intentions.
Two bagger.
I wouldn't f--k her with your d!ck.  
Edit:  The devil is in the details.
We might as well start with the truth 'cuz sooner or later we are gonna end up there.

Stoogie

Face like a bucket full of smashed a$$holes

It's like tryin' to kick water up hill

Are the Kennedy's gun shy?

Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

Focker

My dad's line, used often, growing up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq1hlkbh6MI

theyolksonyou

Butter face

Hans61

Everything’s hot

Botch

YEMTrey said:

I had a boss for a job while in college that would always remind us:  "You can't soar with the Eagles if you Hoot with the owls!"

Military version:
"You can't soar with Eagles when you're tied down with turkeys."

bucky925

siht in one hand and hope in the other, see which one fills up first.  I still don't know the meaning of this but heard it all my life 

JohnInCarolina

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

JohnInCarolina

bucky925 said:

siht in one hand and hope in the other, see which one fills up first.  I still don't know the meaning of this but heard it all my life 

I think it’s a lot more clear to folks who grow up in places where there’s a lot more sh!t than hope.

Fred19Flintstone

Gulfcoastguy

Fake it until you make it.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

nolaegghead

"As honest as a pedophile judge in Alabama". 

Smokin_Trout

Grandma- nervous as a whore in church 
Grandpa- shaking like a dog $h!tting razor blades
My other grandma was divorced when my mom was young. She had a boyfriend and one of my older cousins asked what he was going to do for her-
”He may not be able to cut the mustard, but he can still lick the jar”
Gross thought but hilarious 

jabam

JohnInCarolina said:

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Les Nessman, one of the great scenes of all time. 

JohnInCarolina

jabam said:

JohnInCarolina said:

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Les Nessman, one of the great scenes of all time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg

OhioEgger

As funny as a screen door in a submarine.
Or a fart in a spacesuit.

theyolksonyou

Lost as last year's Easter egg

Hans61

When nothing is going right, go left. 

Fred19Flintstone

JohnInCarolina said

jabam said:

JohnInCarolina said:

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Les Nessman, one of the great scenes of all time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg

WKRP  - With more music and Les Nessman!

RRP

I had not responded to this thread until out of the blue I said something today  to my 7 month old puppy that my my b-i-l used to say to me when I was a teenager (60 years ago). That was: Do THAT again I'll kick your ass between ears so you'll have to part your hair to sh!t!

Focker

"I feel like a jacka$$ caught in a Texas hailstorm.  I can't run, I can't hide, I can't make it stop"
LBJ
The Vietnam War, Episode 3: The River Styx