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I just mutilated a chicken

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TTC
TTC Posts: 1,035
in Poultry
So I got bucky and thought I could whip up a ballontine. What I did was fail on a level not seen in this kitchen in years.

I literally mutilated a chicken. After I realized it was a lost cause, my attempt to salvage it resulted in unrecognizable boneless skinless parts.

Ugh. Tip of the cap to those of you who have made it work, I'll be sitting in the corner feeling sorry for myself....
XL BGE, Blackstone, Roccbox, Weber Gasser, Brown Water, Cigars --  Gallatin, TN

2001 Mastercraft Maristar 230 VRS

Ikon pass 

Colorado in the winter and the Lake in the Summer
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Comments

  • RRP
    RRP Posts: 25,920
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    I was trying to find that video of that Chinese master chef deboning one in mere seconds with nothing but a meat cleaver, but I suppose that wouldn't make you feel any better would it?
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  • JethroVA
    JethroVA Posts: 1,251
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    Stir fry or fajitas. FIDO brother, F It and Drive On!
    Richmond and Mathews County, VA. Large BGE, Weber gas, little Weber charcoal. Vintage ManGrates. Little reddish portable kamado that shall remain nameless here.  Very Extremely Stable Genius. 
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  • henapple
    henapple Posts: 16,025
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    @SmokeyPitt‌ has mastered it. Maybe he'll weigh in.
    Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 
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  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 32,509
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    My first (and to date only) go round failed to come close to producing the desired end result.  I recognized early in the gig that trying to follow the video after a few beers was well above my skill level.  I saved the bird and did a stuffed (complete with bones) chix salvage operation that was quite tasty.  Some times you just have to call an audible.  But thanks for sharing.
    BTW-I will go again  earlier in the day when the beer level is much lower!
    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
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  • XC242
    XC242 Posts: 1,208
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    So what if it's mutilated. I'll bet by the time you get done cooking it whatever way you choose it will still taste great.
    LBGE (still waitin' for my free T-Shirt), DIgiQ DX2 (In Blue, cause it's the fastest), Heavy Duty Kick Ash Basket, Mc Farland, WI. :glasses:  B)
    If it wasn't for my BGE I'd have no use for my backyard...
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  • TTC
    TTC Posts: 1,035
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    Just mixed a STRONG beverage, so I'm ok. It hurt so much because I pride myself on solid knife skills and kitchen fundamentals. Evidently I'm not as much of a badass as I think I am (not to mention I'm not as skinny as I think I am)

    Grill it up and turn it into bbq chicken pizzas, at least I am comfortable in that arena
    XL BGE, Blackstone, Roccbox, Weber Gasser, Brown Water, Cigars --  Gallatin, TN

    2001 Mastercraft Maristar 230 VRS

    Ikon pass 

    Colorado in the winter and the Lake in the Summer
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  • Carolina Q
    Carolina Q Posts: 14,831
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    I can watch Pepin's video as well as anyone! Probably the best I'll ever do. Congrats for even trying... You're one up on me!

    I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients!                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

    Michael 
    Central Connecticut 

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  • anzyegg
    anzyegg Posts: 1,104
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    It sounds like you need Yeti filled up to the brim my friend....fajitas do sound like a resolution to me.
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,518
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    This one really required pics...  :-w
    _____________

    "Commander, say hello to Cricket!"  - KN


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  • Zarcon
    Zarcon Posts: 540
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    Yes.. I HAVE to see this.

    FWIW, I have seen my wife (SWMBO) take things from our fridge and make some awesome stuff. I am absolutely positive that you can take this experience and turn into something great too :)

    Have another on.. on me this time
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  • fusionhq
    fusionhq Posts: 1,707
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    You're one up on me. I just took the easy route. Spatchcock!
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  • TTC
    TTC Posts: 1,035
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    One mutilated bird ready for the grill, dark meat
    image

    White meat

    image
    XL BGE, Blackstone, Roccbox, Weber Gasser, Brown Water, Cigars --  Gallatin, TN

    2001 Mastercraft Maristar 230 VRS

    Ikon pass 

    Colorado in the winter and the Lake in the Summer
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  • lousubcap
    lousubcap Posts: 32,509
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    Damn fine end-result.  Ride that to the promised land!
    Louisville; Rolling smoke in the neighbourhood. # 38 for the win.  Life is too short for light/lite beer!  Seems I'm livin in a transitional period.
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  • hapster
    hapster Posts: 7,503
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    No worries... The first time I tried this I had to remember which one of us was holding the knife.
    MSV Chill Spot
    Chester County, PA

    http://egginwithedward.blogspot.com/

    http://edwardhardingphotography.zenfolio.com/
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  • Skiddymarker
    Skiddymarker Posts: 8,522
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    Good on you for trying, my dog looks forward to all failures, prep fail - before egg time, cooked at wrong temp or method - during egg time and allowed to dry out in the cooler - after egg time, she is not fussy, she likes it all and I'm pretty good at not disappointing her!  
    Delta B.C. - Whiskey and steak, because no good story ever started with someone having a salad!
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  • grege345
    grege345 Posts: 3,515
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    A for effort bud
    LBGE& SBGE———————————————•———————– Pennsylvania / poconos

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  • texaswig
    texaswig Posts: 2,682
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    I haven't tried yet. But I'm sure it's not easy. Just think how many of the population have ever even thought of doing one.

    2-XLs ,MM,blackstone,Ooni koda 16,R&V works 8.5 gallon fryer,express smoker and 40" smoking cajun 

    scott 
    Greenville Tx
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  • jcaspary
    jcaspary Posts: 1,479
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    Don't give up keep at it. Way to make something good out of a bad situation. I did one and gave it a C. There was a time I wanted to throw the whole thing in the garbage but decided what would I learn from that. The taste was an A though. I'll try it again some day. One of these days it will look like what Pepin did but that is a long way off.
    XL BGE, LG BGE, and a hunger to grill everything in sight!!!
    Joe- Strongsville, OH
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  • TTC
    TTC Posts: 1,035
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    Salvation lies within!!!!!!
    image
    XL BGE, Blackstone, Roccbox, Weber Gasser, Brown Water, Cigars --  Gallatin, TN

    2001 Mastercraft Maristar 230 VRS

    Ikon pass 

    Colorado in the winter and the Lake in the Summer
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  • jcaspary
    jcaspary Posts: 1,479
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    Wow that looks good. See you just found an interesting way to cut up the chicken make a pizza. :D
    XL BGE, LG BGE, and a hunger to grill everything in sight!!!
    Joe- Strongsville, OH
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  • Zarcon
    Zarcon Posts: 540
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    @TTC - That look absolutely amazing.. Good job!
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  • Dobie
    Dobie Posts: 3,369
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    Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat!
    Jacksonville FL
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  • paqman
    paqman Posts: 4,674
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    Blame it on the bird... Try again!

    ____________________
    Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage. •Niccolo Machiavelli
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  • SGH
    SGH Posts: 28,794
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    Mutilated or not it eats just the same! Nice looking pizzas you whipped up! =D>

    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

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  • SmokeyPitt
    SmokeyPitt Posts: 10,490
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    henapple said:
    @SmokeyPitt‌ has mastered it. Maybe he'll weigh in.
    I haven't actually done a whole chicken yet.  I sort of cheated and de-boned a chicken quarter and then butterflied a breast and rolled them together with stuff inside to make a chicken log. 

    image
    image
    image

    It ended up working pretty well but to be honest it was still a westling match between me and the chicken.  It took a couple of attempts to get it to all roll together.  

    Which came first the chicken or the egg?  I egged the chicken and then I ate his leg. 

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