Snake River Farms Wagyu Brisket........and other stuff that I made up all my myself

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Here we go- 

A few days ago our good friends and forum semi-lurkers/ Austin Eggfest rock stars decided they would come to our home, get us drunk (in their defense, they did not bring any booze- but they did fully utilize what we made available to them) and exchange egg/booze related Christmas gifts.

Against TFJ's "suggestion" to "act like an adult for once" I felt pretty good about what we got them: a 2nd-hand smokeware cap that I openly derided on the forum and pleaded for someone to take for free and some rub samples that i didn't like from the latest elf exchange that I participated in under one of my many other handles. Admittedly, some were opened, but most were sealed or resealed in unlabeled foodsaver bags.  

As TFJ and I hopped about and gave hi-5's to each other,  they sheepishly came forward with their "gifts"- a pair of earrings for TFJ and some sort of cooler filled with obviously imported meats (hence the Chinese branding on the packaging) and some Bevo-shaped jello shot molds (keepin' it classy). It's like they don't even know us. Imported meat? Jello shot molds and jewelry? Really? Thank god they will never see this so I can vent freely with my internet friends about the embarrassment they must have felt. Oh well, we'll make do. They also selfishly left us with an empty liquor cabinet and a 3 day hangover. Totally their fault. 

Anyhow, as is custom in our parts, if someone brings you a meat gift this time of year (no matter how paltry or which backwater port it was shipped from) , you must cook it and present it back to them in front of a television showing a football game of everyone's liking. I don't get it but i am a traditionalist at heart so...."When in Rome".

I took the apparently Chinese Import meat and I put the cheapest seasoning I could find on it (salt and pepper- not gonna waste the Bad Byron's on company).  I placed this on the egg around 250 degrees. I borrowed his CyberQ wifi and had it going for several hours before putting the brisket on. I had it set to 250 but it spiked to 300 right before I went to bed. I had 2 choices- sober up and read a tech manual for 3 hours (it was 2 am) or rip that thing out, go commando and go to bed. I chose option 2. I woke up at 7 and the egg was ice cold- fire is out (I choked it down too much after pulling the CyberQ). Just great. I guess technology is more than a government plot to implant micro chips into our heads (they totally are though). Brisket still looks good so we fired it up once again. CyberQ once again dutifully in place so we'll see how that works for me. Looks like 3 hours of tech manual reading are in store for me this morning. Joy. Dinner is at 7 so I have plenty of time. 

we'll keep everyone posted- I'm sure you are all rivited to your seats

Here is the Chinese imported meat they found on the internet. Doesn't anybody buy American anymore? Thanks Obama.

Little Steven

Close the damper in the blower barrel. Digi q is pretty straightforward after you do that. We don't need no stinkin' manuals

Wolfpack

Too funny- hope you don't get the Asian bird flu from that meat like substance

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Little Steven said:

Close the damper in the blower barrel. Digi q is pretty straightforward after you do that. We don't need no stinkin' manuals

close it all the way? It's half shut as they recommend for low and slow. I'll shut it more if that keeps me from having to read the instructions. I'm not scared. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Wolfpack said:

Too funny- hope you don't get the Asian bird flu from that meat like substance

I think I found parts of a dog collar in the packaging. I'm going to make some chicken too just to be safe. 

Little Steven

1/4 moon shape...... 1/4 open. You're welcome. I hate reading instructions. I don't know about the wifi but once I figured that out I didn't have to look for the instructions.

caliking

You did the right thing. Who the heck sobers up mid-bender to RTFM???

Option 3 would have been to get your son to monitor the egg while you went to a rave, and you could scream directions at him over the phone (aka Salado brisket mod).

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Little Steven said:

1/4 moon shape...... 1/4 open. You're welcome. I hate reading instructions. I don't know about the wifi but once I figured that out I didn't have to look for the instructions.

done.....

Little Steven

I figured it out buy looking at the amount of opening and related it back to what I would have had without it. I realized that 1/2 open was more than I would have had in the vent setting. The fan doesn't run but the air still goes through.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

caliking said:

You did the right thing. Who the heck sobers up mid-bender to RTFM???

Option 3 would have been to get your son to monitor the egg while you went to a rave, and you could scream directions at him over the phone (aka Salado brisket mod).

that is my favorite. The funny thing is, they could have totally done it.  TFJ and I were up until 2 in the living room. We didn't see the kids all day but around 1 it's like the whole house came alive. they were walking around, laughing, talking to friends, making food. It's like a whole other waking life is going on in my house that I was unaware of. They were totally put off by the fact that we were awake in our own living room. Apparently this goes on nightly. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

that was good brisket too. Might have to go back to that. 

caliking

if it aint broke... don't fix it. 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Little Steven said:

I figured it out buy looking at the amount of opening and related it back to what I would have had without it. I realized that 1/2 open was more than I would have had in the vent setting. The fan doesn't run but the air still goes through.

if this brisket sucks, it's your fault. I'm going to start drinking an put my faith in Little Steven. What could go wrong?

Little Steven

Things could only go wrong if you were drinking with Little Steven

Skiddymarker

Nothing imported or Chinese (pretty sure that's Japanese conji on the label) about that meat, it is all American grown (with a touch of Scot and Japanese heritage of course) A true American dream story, bring me your immigrants (Kobe beef and Angus beef) and I will make my own all new and improved 'Merican version. Great stuff, like most stuff made in USA, a bit overpriced but with great quality - so how badly did you screw it up? 

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Little Steven said:

Things could only go wrong if you were drinking with Little Steven

Let's pray the world never sees this happen:

DMW

Rough life down your way.

cazzy

Lmao...This thread is freaking awesome. I'm cracking up over here.

cazzy

Oh, other handles? Really, please don't tell me you're RubMyRock or Tweev lol

The Cen-Tex Smoker

Skiddymarker said:

Nothing imported or Chinese (pretty sure that's Japanese conji on the label) about that meat, it is all American grown (with a touch of Scot and Japanese heritage of course) A true American dream story, bring me your immigrants (Kobe beef and Angus beef) and I will make my own all new and improved 'Merican version. Great stuff, like most stuff made in USA, a bit overpriced but with great quality - so how badly did you screw it up? 

we haven't eaten it yet so it's not screwed up. It's nothing a few primer beers won't fix

Should be all good. It's a really nice cut of meat. Even if it is from China.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

oh my god- I just went out to insert the food probe to see if I needed to bump it up. It slid in the flat like it wasn't even there. I totally panicked and plugged it in. How could it be done so early? It was ice cold 5 hours ago.  I've never felt a more tender brisket in my life. Temp probe rising.....rising.....160. it's not even in the stall yet and it's got the jiggle. i still don't believe the probe. I'm going back out with the Thermapen

This is gonna be good.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

I think we may be in for a treat.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

And Just a hint of bark.

lousubcap

Great story so far-and here you thought that new high-tech controller was gonna save you.  Oh well-on to the business at hand. I'm sure you will repay your side-kick with some samples from your cooking adventure.  After all, didn't he and his SWMBO provide the catalyst for the overserved evening...Enjoy what will be some great eats.  If you have your choice between lucky and good, take lucky every time.

The Cen-Tex Smoker

lousubcap said:

Great story so far-and here you thought that new high-tech controller was gonna save you.  Oh well-on to the business at hand. I'm sure you will repay your side-kick with some samples from your cooking adventure.  After all, didn't he and his SWMBO provide the catalyst for the overserved evening...Enjoy what will be some great eats.  If you have your choice between lucky and good, take lucky every time.

They are one and the same. looking forward to a good evening................and lots of water

lousubcap

Water with bourbon will do just fine-although you can have too much water (or not enough bourbon) although I doubt you would err in that direction!

 

cazzy

Quick quick...go hit it with some Bad Byrons!!!!

The Cen-Tex Smoker

lousubcap said:

Water with bourbon will do just fine-although you can have too much water (or not enough bourbon) although I doubt you would err in that direction!

 

I know a good craftsman never blames his tools but bourbon and I are not getting along at the moment. We are currently in an uneasy truce much like the settlers and Native Americans of days gone by. We have a mutual need for survival so we are keeping our distance. but we are still keeping a keen eye on one another from afar.

JohnInCarolina

That looks like a good-sized brisket.  13lbs?  

The Cen-Tex Smoker

JohnInCarolina said:

That looks like a good-sized brisket.  13lbs?  

16.7. It is a beast. Trimmed down to 14.

Eggcelsior

cazzy said:

Oh, other handles? Really, please don't tell me you're RubMyRock or Tweev lol

I always though CT's "handles" were in reference to large bottles of liquor. I am ashamed at my gullibility.