mangrates

nolaegghead · January 13

It was a dark and stormy night. I was down and out, living under the Claiborn overpass in Central City. I was wet, tired, cold, terrified of the other bums and utterly without hope. My favorite pan-handling site was usurped by a gang of particularly spiteful paraplegics.

As I sat in the opening of my rapidly deteriorating cardboard box (said it used to hold a "Big Green Egg", whatever that is. Probably something for rich people), I cooked my last can of beans over a fire of burning mardi gras cups. The foul stench of plastic took my mind away from the emptiness of my soul and the hunger in my stomach.

At that very time (I remember it well), a black Rolls Royce Silver Shadow limo hit the pothole in the street in front of my encampment. This pothole was particularly bad, and my only source of entertainment other than watching all the other crazy bums steal each others tarps while screaming "blow ye the trumpet of Zion!".

The Rolls trunk popped open, and out came a tidy box, skidding across the street, stopping right in front of me. On the outside of the box was a picture of delicious roasting steaks and it said "ManGrate Grill Enhancement System". Little did I know, my life would never be the same.

Stay tuned for Part Deux.

henapple · January 13

Chuck Norris doesn't grill on a mangrate...Chuck Norris gets mangrated.

IrishDevl · January 13

Nola - fantastic.

Fred19Flintstone · January 13

"I don't always grill. But when I do, I prefer Mangrates! Stay Mangrates manly, my friends!"

IrishDevl · January 13

CavemanCook said:
Loving this forum... should have joined a long time ago. I've reluctantly been bald for ten years... mangrates may be the answer!! Hallelujah!!

I'm not only the Mangrate President, but I'm also a client.

- Hair Club For Men.

Eggcelsior · January 13

I see where this is going....

Popsicle · January 13

Caution***Caution***Caution***Caution***Caution

If your mangrate cook last more than 4 hours, Contact your pit master immediately..

CavemanCook · January 13

I just ran into Brent Musburger. He said "The only thing hotter than AJ McCarran's girlfriend is a mangrate. WOW!!" It's gotta be true!

odie91 · January 13

WoW, what a thread. You fella's are a tough crowd haha.

Kosko · January 13

My wife left me for a mangrate!

Village Idiot · January 13

Kosko said:

My wife left me for a mangrate!

and you didn't even have the decency to thank it.

CavemanCook · January 13

Brent believes. He said "Look cavemencook, no need to throw the football in the backyard -just learn how to smoke with the BGE and Mangrates. Sports Illustrated swimsuit models will be showing up before the steaks are done."

Tjcoley · January 13

Lady Grantham: "You are quite wonderful the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never thought of using a Mangrate on a BGE."
Mrs. Crawley: "I take that as a compliment."
Lady Grantham: "I must've said it wrong."

Eggcelsior · January 13

CavemanCook said:
Brent believes. He said "Look cavemencook, no need to throw the football in the backyard -just learn how to smoke with the BGE and Mangrates. Sports Illustrated swimsuit models will be showing up before the steaks are done."

Not only that, hugh heffner will sell his place and bring the girls over to your grotto.

I heard that mangrates and playmates will be the February cover.

nolaegghead · January 13

How ManGrates changed my life, part Deux.

Little did I know how much of a "gift" this was at the time. The ManGrate box was heavy, and whatever was in it was well packed. I opened the box and pulled out a set of three grates. Gleaming, heavy stygian black cast iron, the air suddenly felt as if charged with ozone, and the hair on my arms raised up. A faint hum could be heard. If it were my imagination or actually a physical manifestation of the ManGrates, I could not be sure.

If I could back up and digress, I was born with a terrible physical deformity. My feet both face backwards. When I walk forward, me toes are walking backwards and vice versa. Why do I mention this, well you will see shortly.

I tucked the ManGrates under my Times Picayune newspaper bed (there's been a severe homeless bedding shortage since the paper changed from daily to 3-days a week delivery) and started to shiver myself to sleep. The first night with my newly acquired ManGrates was the oddest ever. People started gathering around my box, talking in hushed voices. The Vietnam vets, who are usually very belligerent, just pointed and whispered, as if there was something that couldn't be said too loud. I couldn't sleep with the constant subtle disturbances by my fellow bums, until I became delirious with fatigue, and that's when the flying rat visited my home, in the box.

The pigeon, I know this sounds crazy but bear with me, could talk! It talked to me in a language that I couldn't understand. I later learned that it was Pigeon.

In the morning, I though it all were just a dream, until I noticed my feet faced forward again. What a miracle! Looking back on that day, it all seems impossible, but it actually happened unless this is some prolonged dream. The ManGrates were magical.

Stay tuned for part III.

Botch · January 13

Hidden message, contact me for further instructions.

Botch · January 13

The answer to the universe is 42.

Botch · January 13

Guess who learned how to use a meme generator this afternoon?

AleBrewer · January 14

Lance Armstrong claims he never used Mangrates

IrishDevl · January 14

AleBrewer said:
Lance Armstrong claims he never used Mangrates

Actually he is going on Oprah to admit to full mangrate usage. Sport will never be the same now that they can use mangrates.

AleBrewer · January 14

I am going to slip some mangrates in between the mattress and box spring

SmokinDAWG82 · January 14

AleBrewer said:

I am going to slip some mangrates in between the mattress and box spring

Your wife will be forever grateful!

Eggcelsior · January 14

Oh yeah

Eggcelsior · January 14

:D

thetrim · January 14

Saw this was going to page Two, so I wanted to save it.

I loved the Phil Simms comment in at the opening segment of the Patriots/Texans game discussing the retrofitting of New England dining facility with mangrates on the cooktop...

CavemanCook · January 14

Isn't that mangrate the most beautiful thing you've ever seen??

Crispix49 · January 14

Just read that Mangrates got a special tax break as part of the fiscal cliff deal due to the economic boom they are causing...the Mangrate lobbyists in DC got their way.

Eggcelsior · January 14

Let me sing you the song of my people :

Z_Eggineer · January 14

Ok, ok, enough kidding around. If you want to be a real MAN then use MANgrates! It wouldn't make this much sense if it wasn't true.

Boomer · January 14

OMG, you guys are very talented and natural born Comedians, Who need Adam Carolla?

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