Stump Baby's "Easter Bonnet" Story

PigBeanUs

I tried finding this back a few weeks ago when the subject came up.  Couldn't find it.  But lo and behold, Stump Baby has been posting again in the original forum, and he reposted it.

Here is a link:  Stump Baby and the Easter Bonnet

and just in case that link dies...

The story is below.  ...he swears it i true.

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Posted by: StumpBaby on 2021/04/03 18:52:40  

Hmm .... I haven’t been writing lately, with the exception of a fine “short” poem about the Suez shipping channel titled “The Suez Repository” fiasco last week. However, since it’s Easter tomorrow’ I thought I’d post my Easter Bonnet story, from 2002. If I remember correctly, I think Frozen Chosen made a reference to a stinkhead, and stated something along the lines of “that stump guy will have a field day with that”. That’s when I penned this fine nugget. Unfortunately, the entire story is true, as are many others I’ve penned over time...

Posted by StumpBaby on December 23, 2002 at 23:18:19:

In Reply to: Re: Prime Rib - Indirect or Direct after sear? posted by FrozenChosen on December 23, 2002 at 15:38:01:

FrozenChosen,

Stinkhead ? ...hmmm...that reminds me of a story...let's see ..where to begin...

Well..it was a warm sunny day..3 weeks after Easter, and matter of fact, many of the easter decorations were still kickin around the house. It
was just the day before that we had found..by following a rather bad oder.. some crusty old hard boiled..easter eggs that my daughter had
stashed under her bed...for "safe keeping". I had gone up to the bathroom..in order to ..well..take care of some business. I noticed laying on
the back of the commode, an Easter bonnet that my daughter had warn on Easter. It was one of those nice little, shiny, sorta plastic straw
hats with fake flowers on the front, quite cute actually. I made a mental note when I was turning around, that I should put that in it's proper
place in my daughters closet, when I was through. Well, I flipped the seat up, sat down, took out my best woodworker magazine..and
well..took care of business. Some 5 minutes later, after putting my magazine down, and standing up, I realized that the bonnet was missing,
well...one look down..and I could see exactly what had happened..it seems that the action of me flipping up the seat, had dislodged this little
number, and caused it to land square in the center of the commode, pointing up, I might add. There it sat..somewhat..heavier that it had been
a few minutes before..and yet still doing its best to remain afloat. You know, there is a time when you just can't believe what you are
seeing...a time when...time itself seems to stop..and you just stand there...with that "deer in the headlights" look..trying to make sense of
what you're looking at..and then..eventually..your brain starts to work again..and you start to realize what it is you're looking at, and what it
means to you. What can I say...in that moment..soo many things came to mind..not the least of which is that...nobody is gonna believe this..so
you start to think you may want a picture to prove it...but then you realize what you are thinking and come to your senses..then the realization
comes that..you are gonna have to retrieve that item..cause it was obviously not gonna disappear on its own. Then you realize what this
means..the word retrieve has never meant so much..than it has in this sense..good god..you ask yourself ..how ..how..will I retrieve it ..and
then you realize that..when (and it wasn't a question of IF..it was when) you do retrive it..should an attempt be made to ..uh...salvage said
item...and if not..what then ? How does one properly dispose of such a thing ? I decided that all I should do is retrive this offensive item, and
properly dispose of it. After giving it some thought, a somewhat brilliant idea came to mind, on how to retrive this item. Without getting
dressed, I ran downstairs, telling my wife not to go to the upstairs bathroom as I flew by, grabbed a trash bag, and my daughters 1 foot long
Mickey Mouse fishing pole and ran back upstairs. I was standing there, in front of the commode, completely undressed, with that Mickey
Mouse pole in hand, trying to snag that bonnet, when my wife walked in (evidently her curiosity had been peeked). Imagine her surprise to
see me in such a state..I don't know what ran through her mind (and I probably don't want to know)..but she had that look of disbelief in her
eyes..and all she could say was "catch anything"...and all I could think to say was "Honey...you ever hear of a stinkhead?". Ahh..what can I
say..she just shook her head, turned around, and walked out..never even asked what the deal was..and I never offered. Over time she learned
not to ask questions when these type of things happen. I finally caught that offending item..and threw it out in the trash. Now, all I gotta do is
remember that I gotta buy a new Easter bonnet when Easter gets close. I don't want to have to explain to anybody..what had happened to that
bonnet. If I get lucky, I'll find the exact same one..and nobody will be the wiser. The only side affect is when I cook fish for dinner, I gotta
listen to the wifes wise cracks..like "Wonder where you caught that?"

Ahh...god bless.. her..

You have a happy holiday!

StumpBaby

JohnInCarolina

Botch

A similar experience, 'cept replace the Mickey Mouse fishing pole (that sounds Goofy) with a $0.79 japanese wok ladle.