Post your worst cooks

GrateEggspectations

We often like to post our best cooks but may not always be quite as eager to tell all about our worst disasters.

I want to see your worst cooks, or at a minimum, read about them. The purpose is mostly for amusement, though it might be instructive to see where others have gone wrong.

While humbling to post some of your most grotesque creations, it just might give a little encouragement to those new Eggers who may see some members among us as having flawless cooks each and every meal. Reassuring to know we are all but mere mortals.

I'll get the ball started....

Many years ago, I was relatively young and naive and decided I would host a BBQ bash for myself by making ribs on the gasser for all the fam (both mine and the in-laws). Had never made them and had no idea what I was doing. When it came time to eat, I was serving the most undercooked, unappetizing ribs ever consumed. A few of the racks still looked quite raw on the inside and I'd be surprised if no one was sick as a result. Never heard reports of sickness; then again, my family is pretty supportive and would likely not have let me know even if they were. Wish I had pics to share, both of the cook and of my relatives' faces. 

I like to think I've come a long way.

JohnInCarolina

Pics or it didn't happen...

Mickey

GrateEggspectations

Mickey said:

Cajun-style (a.k.a. blackened)?!

kl8ton

This is more of a timing fail.  I was doing pulled pork for a birthday party for one of my kids several years ago.  25+ guests coming.  An hour away from eating time,  pork was at about 100 degrees internal.  I did not know about the turbo method. 

I ended up going to Famous Dave's and buying enough bbq to feed everyone.  

FWRealtor

I fell asleep while ribs were on the egg. The fire got too hot and burned then up pretty bad. They were disgusting. Anytime I have a relatively long cook now I make sure to be wide awake. 

lousubcap

Does it count if you not only didn't take any pics but had no recollection of the cook and consumption til the next day??  Reason next day came into play was a batch of ABTs that I made (recall that) but beyond that, nothing til feeling the after-burn.  No idea of the quality of the cook.  

GrateEggspectations

Keep 'em coming. 

Not mine, but a good friend's.....

My friend, who is from France and is not used to using barbecues, set his newly-acquired gasser to high and walked away after grilling some burgers. Some 30 minutes later, he remembered the hot grill, which was placed in close proximity to the back of his house, and found it had burned a huge hole clean through many slats of siding. Was lucky his house didn't catch on fire!

DoubleEgger

Nothing will top Herr Mickey's wings. You guys and gals are fighting for second place. 

GrateEggspectations

But I like my wings crispy. 

Carolina Q

I had just about forgotten about this one. Polar opposite of Mickey's wings, Years ago, possibly even before BGE existed, I decided to cook the Thanksgiving bird on the Weber kettle. First time I had ever done that (last time too, come to think of it). I really had no idea what I was doing and was essentially doing a lo n slo indirect cook. Whole bird, not spatched.

It would have eventually finished of course, but by the time all the sides were done, the turkey was still essentially RAW. We had to carve it up and nuke the pieces. We did not eat the almost white skin. All in all, not the worst meal I've ever had. At least we didn't have to go to Famous Dave's.

Over the years, I occasionally suggested trying it again. I always got one of THOSE looks. You know the one I'm talking about! 

SciAggie

@Mickey That pic never gets old. I've had some great fails, but I usually lose my temper and throw it away before I get pics... Later I think, "Man, pics of that mess would have been funny."

CTMike

Mickey said:

Don't know why everyone's complaining about this pic, Mickey was just working on his chicken flavored lump prior to bringing it to market. 

blasting

I don't mind admitting to failed cooks, but it never occurred to me to take pics.

fishlessman

corned beef ribs, i would rather eat a pile of mickey's wings

RRP

Mine was years ago with a breakfast casserole. BGE recipe called for a quart of hot water and 4 eggs plus some other ingredients. Well I mixed it all up and poured into a pan on the egg at 325. 20 minutes roll by, then 30, then 45 and at the hour mark that pan was still sickly and sloppy wet. I then reread the directions and the quart of water was to be used as a warming agent for some of the ingredients, not part of the casserole!  In the trash it went and we had toast for breakfast! 

GrateEggspectations

RRP said:

Mine was years ago with a breakfast casserole. BGE recipe called for a quart of hot water and 4 eggs plus some other ingredients. Well I mixed it all up and poured into a pan on the egg at 325. 20 minutes roll by, then 30, then 45 and at the hour mark that pan was still sickly and sloppy wet. I then reread the directions and the quart of water was to be used as a warming agent for some of the ingredients, not part of the casserole!  In the trash it went and we had toast for breakfast! 

@RRP: Your post reminded me... I once made a banana recipe of yours and accidentally quadrupled the butter (thinking that "one stick" meant a pound). The bread oozed liquid all over the Egg during the cooking process. While it was salvageable, it was no doubt the richest bread I've ever had. 

tarheelmatt

None for me specifically, but just go look at all of @bgebrent posts/cooks if you want worst cooks.  

blasting

tarheelmatt said:

None for me specifically, but just go look at all of @bgebrent posts/cooks if you want worst cooks.  

Ouch!  Hey, I thought it was Brent's lovely wife that did all the cooking?

JohnInCarolina

blasting said:

tarheelmatt said:

None for me specifically, but just go look at all of @bgebrent posts/cooks if you want worst cooks.  

Ouch!  Hey, I thought it was Brent's lovely wife that did all the cooking?

I'm sure she does some cooking out of bare necessity: nobody wants to die of hunger!

bgebrent

My beautiful wife would never let me starve.  Bitches.

gmac

Does it have to be on the egg?

Many many years ago we were boiling down maple sap on the kitchen stove and my Mom left to go to something at the church which is maybe 600 yds from home. Dad and I both fell asleep and boiled the sap right dry. When my Mom came out of the church she knew immediately what happened because the whole village stunk of burnt sugar. All the doors in the house open, fans running and one very ruined canning pot. 

My son tried to bake a cake for his Mothers birthday in January and the recipe called for 1 1/4 cups of water which he obviously mistook for eleven/four cups. Which makes sense only to my math geek son. Baked it for 2 hrs and it was still like pudding. But not in a good way. 

thetrim

I went to Logan's Roadhouse last week and ordered a 6 oz filet.  Enough said,

NewbeeMinimax

Got minimax about a month ago. Never cooked before. Wanted to make bacon donuts for birthday party (got receipe from this site). Somehow rolled donuts okay but burnt all of them as fire got out of control! 
Only after burning chicken wings again the next day I realized that my BGE thermometer was off by 150 degrees. 
 Have lots to learn but it's fun. 

Hub

My very first cook on my egg.  I didn't know the difference between thick, white smoke and thin, blue smoke.  I started up the egg and immediately put on several racks of baby backs while the thick, white smoke was pouring out.  Several hours later we ate our first BGE meal.  The ribs tasted like an ash tray.  I will never forget my wife trying to pretend that they tasted good while she was gagging.  My dogs wouldn't even eat them.  They looked at me like "are you kidding me?"  All that has changed after many years.  Now my dogs drool whenever I light the egg.

tarheelmatt

blasting said:

tarheelmatt said:

None for me specifically, but just go look at all of @bgebrent posts/cooks if you want worst cooks.  

Ouch!  Hey, I thought it was Brent's lovely wife that did all the cooking?

Nah man, it's clear which one cooked what.  Heck, Ray Charles could see that.  

Look at this $hit.  

thetrim

It's all in the presentation!

JohnInCarolina

I once tried to boil water on the BGE, but wasn't successful.  Not sure if that counts.

bgebrent

tarheelmatt said:

blasting said:

tarheelmatt said:

None for me specifically, but just go look at all of @bgebrent posts/cooks if you want worst cooks.  

Ouch!  Hey, I thought it was Brent's lovely wife that did all the cooking?

Nah man, it's clear which one cooked what.  Heck, Ray Charles could see that.  

Look at this $hit.  

One of my best!  Cheese and tomato stuffed bread bowls with a second and third dose of carbs under gloop.  Garnished beautifully with canned parm.  Oh man!

GrateEggspectations

JohnInCarolina said:

I once tried to boil water on the BGE, but wasn't successful.  Not sure if that counts.

Is it really even possible to boil water on an Egg? 

Gman2

Hub said:

My very first cook on my egg.  I didn't know the difference between thick, white smoke and thin, blue smoke.  I started up the egg and immediately put on several racks of baby backs while the thick, white smoke was pouring out.  Several hours later we ate our first BGE meal.  The ribs tasted like an ash tray.  I will never forget my wife trying to pretend that they tasted good while she was gagging.  My dogs wouldn't even eat them.  They looked at me like "are you kidding me?"  All that has changed after many years.  Now my dogs drool whenever I light the egg.

LOL!! Same here!!