OT-$hit doesn't just happen-

lousubcap

I am the parent of a 24 year old male who has finally pushed too far.  He thinks the following( and has for quite awhile):
A.  things just happen.
B.  not my fault.
C.  I'm not accountable.

I am sure I am not alone and just as briskets his now 28 year old brother was much more reasonable. Venting on a Labor Day Monday.  Have a great day.

SGH

I'm a parent of a 28, 27 and 24 year old. I still kick their ass when the need arises. Does it do any good? Heck I don't know. But it makes me feel better. 

BYS1981

That was me until about 22 when I joined the the Air Force.

Thatgrimguy

SGH said:

I'm a parent of a 28, 27 and 24 year old. I still kick their ass when the need arises. Does it do any good? Heck I don't know. But it makes me feel better. 

 PARTY MONSTER!

jaydub58

@lousucap, it may just be time for a come-to-Jesus meeting.
Does he provide his own food, clothes, shelter?
Maybe he should be given an opportunity to do so.

Best of luck, this is never an easy thing; I went through it with a daughter.

lousubcap

@jaydub58 - thanks for the insights.  I have had more "come-to-Jesus meetings than I can count".  And I will admit I have likely facilitated his behavior taking a page from what worked with his brother.  Just like the friggin cow...gotta keep grounded in the forum.

Sonny3

@jaydub58, totally identify with what you are saying.

 It seems like the hardest lesson to help young kids learn these days is "Accepting Responsibility and Accountability. 

Took a little while for my son to learn this too.  He is 27 now and doing well.  When he turned 16 I told him that I was very happy to see him make it to his 16th birthday, because the doctor had expressed concern he wouldn't make it.  He looked really shocked and asked why.

I told him that the doctor was afraid that I would take him out before he turned 16.  I was 40 when he was born and fortunately for him I had matured enough to deal with it.

When he calls these days and talks about things he thinking of doing or buying or making yet another move, I tell him to do what makes him happy as long as he stays out my wallet.

We have reached a good understanding about things at this point.

TN_Egger

Right there with you Lou, but you may appreciate this one.  24 yo son blew off 4 years at a pricey university.  Had the CTJ talk last summer.  Enlisted navy, nuke program, and his mother and I will watch him graduate A school next month in Charleston.  He's volunteered for subs following prototype.  Things just clicked for him in the navy.  Everyone involved is in a much, much better place now.

northGAcock

Mine didn't choose the path I would have chosen for them.....but you know, as young adults, I am pround of both of mine. Eventually most of them find there way.

Fred19Flintstone

About two years ago, my oldest daughter was convinced that me & Wilma were the biggest doofuses in the world and gave us a lot of attitude about most everything.  I told her to start looking for an apartment and research what you will spend on utilities, groceries...etc.  I gave her the option to stay here, but only if the bull crap stopped PERMANENTLY!  If the bull crap returns, out you go.

She still lives here and things have been much better ever since.

lousubcap

@TN_Egger All the best to your son.  I'm sure he will do well if he has the drive.  The most difficult challenge will be " to get qualified"  once he lands on his first boat.  I've been out for 17 years but I would guess the challenge to become a part of the crew hasn't  changed that much.  A rite of passage that he will appreciate once on the "other side".  
And yes, it is a young man's game.  

theyolksonyou

As a parent of a newly minted teen, this is depressing. 

lousubcap

@theyolksonyou - get ready for the ride.  And you think brisket is a challenge... but that's what we all signed up for.  Go forth and do great things..

BIll-W221

In this case the yolk is on YOU lol

Ozzie_Isaac

@Jeepster47 is very lucky.  I was and continue to be an angel.

I loved my 20s, but if I sure wish I could have had a few do overs.

sparky1

SGH said:

I'm a parent of a 28, 27 and 24 year old. I still kick their ass when the need arises. Does it do any good? Heck I don't know. But it makes me feel better. 

31, 28 and 26.  Same here.

Little Steven

lousubcap said:

I am the parent of a 24 year old male who has finally pushed too far.  He thinks the following( and has for quite awhile):
A.  things just happen.
B.  not my fault.
C.  I'm not accountable.

I am sure I am not alone and just as briskets his now 28 year old brother was much more reasonable. Venting on a Labor Day Monday.  Have a great day.

I've got 31 and 27. Exact same story man. I hear from the younger when he needs bail, money or something else. The older one is here like clockwork every Sunday and calls and texts through the week.

Little Steven

lousubcap said:

@TN_Egger All the best to your son.  I'm sure he will do well if he has the drive.  The most difficult challenge will be " to get qualified"  once he lands on his first boat.  I've been out for 17 years but I would guess the challenge to become a part of the crew hasn't  changed that much.  A rite of passage that he will appreciate once on the "other side".  
And yes, it is a young man's game.  

Like the string across the hull?

lousubcap

@Little_Steven- Been there, seen that,  and done that.
Take 'her down, take 'her deep... too much fun.

Terrebandit

He should have turned around by 24 as most do by that age. I'd give him a month or two to find a job and find another place to live.  After that, kick him out.  You've done all you can at this point, if he is a healthy guy. 

Terrebandit

sparky1 said:

SGH said:

I'm a parent of a 28, 27 and 24 year old. I still kick their ass when the need arises. Does it do any good? Heck I don't know. But it makes me feel better. 

31, 28 and 26.  Same here.

Are you guys serious?

jabam

I've got a 27 year old son, who has given me a beautiful 6 year old granddaughter, that is the light of my life. Unfortunately, he didn't take responsibility for his actions until he was 26, he is doing fine now married ( not the baby momma), and is trying to atone for his missteps, so I'm hoping for the best! My 23 year old son has mental issues (mildly retarded and bi-polar) he will never be able to take care of himself, so we are resigned to the fact that we will be taking care of him as long as we are alive.  But our shining light is my 21 year old daughter, going to college, loves Jesus and has a very respectful and hard working boyfriend with a good future.  Long story short we try as parents, but can only do what we can do. We focus on the good things and continue to guide as best we can. 

DoubleEgger

At least you aren't the parents of an Atlanta college female who blew through her $100k college fund and can't finish school.  She whole heartedly blames her parents for this. She was whining on a local radio station that her folks refused to dip into their retirement to give her more money.