Ways your egg can kill you

Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker said:

so you set the turkey on the front fender of a Fairlane, powder blue, with original four-digit low-number license plate with expired tags, and bumperettes that you are sure weren't factory. Whose car? Who cares? Turkey dent and all.

Bending to pick up the ten, you hear the engine start and the wipers get to slapping. Wipers on a sunny day (see: spoiled rib roasts, above).

The Fairlane fairly lurches forward, throwing you to the ground, the right front wheel riding up your shirt (first), then up and over your surrendering ribcage (second), said ribs cracking loudly and audibly, surprising you, frankly. Your neck feels pierced with something sharp, but the tire seems so smooth and round. Might call it bald, even.

I'd run Humphrey over too if he set a turkey on the fender of my classic Ford Fairlane.

The Naked Whiz said:

Getting you interested in lump charcoal, so much so, that you start a website devoted to lump charcoal, which prompts you to measure the moisture content of some lump charcoal, which prompts you to put some in an oven at 300 degrees, which causes the lump charcoal to unexpectedly ignite, which thank god, you found a) before the wife (yes, the wife who...) found it and b) before the house caught fire.

LolThe Naked Whiz said:

Getting you interested in lump charcoal, so much so, that you start a website devoted to lump charcoal, which prompts you to measure the moisture content of some lump charcoal, which prompts you to put some in an oven at 300 degrees, which causes the lump charcoal to unexpectedly ignite, which thank god, you found a) before the wife (yes, the wife who...) found it and b) before the house caught fire.

You aren't the first. Oak wood chips I was attempting to simply char in the oven that I was going to use to age moonshine I had recently stilled caught fire.  I opened the oven door and flames flew out of oven.  All I could think is close door and yell Oh Sh@t and yelled for any of the kids to open the front door.  I grabbed oven mitts, opened oven, grabbed the firery pan, ran for the front door, and threw the pan into the yard, which was snow covered. Luckily the only damage was the oven knobs.

True Story: 

A few years ago, I decided to cold smoke some cheese, but found my egg frozen shut.  Normally, I would stick a starter cube up it's skirt and heat it up, but since I was cold smoking, I didn't want to light the lump.  I looked inside and saw that I had the grid and plate setter inside, so I dropped a cube down the chimney.  The cube burned for a few minutes and warmed up the inside enough that I could open the egg.  I pulled the grid, the plate setter and the KAB out of the grill, set them on the table and proceeded to cold smoke.  Of course, I balanced the grid on the KAB as I always do.

Inside, I was remodeling the bathroom in my house.  I was moving the lights from the side of the medicine cabinet to over the medicine cabinet, so I went down and flipped the bathroom breaker.  While I was moving wires and hooking things up, I thought I smelled gas.  That's odd, there is no gas in bathroom, so I kept working.  A while later, I really smelled gas, so I went down to investigate.  My SO had put something on the stove and turned it on.  The 110VAC for the stove must have been tied to the same breaker as the bathroom, so it never lit.  The entire first floor was filled with gas.  

I grabbed the back door and swung it open to air the place out.  That's when I noticed the egg table was on fire!  Apparently, some of the starter cube had ignited a little charcoal in the KAB and I set it right on the wooden table.  I extinguished the table with snow, and aired the house out.

But, had that table caught the deck on fire, which had caught the house, my egg would have killed me.