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Divorce Update...

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BrevardAUEgger
BrevardAUEgger Posts: 31
in EggHead Forum

All...With everyone pitching in input & offering great support, I figured I would update on my situation. ***I apologize in advance for the extremely long post***

The soon to be ex-wife & I spoke things over & agreed to an uncontested divorce. This was the best thing for me in regards to complexity, finances, & simply being able to move on with my life quicker. We hired a lawyer, filled out some papers for how everything will be split, & sent off to the law firm. Everything will pretty much be split evenly which I am perfectly fine with. I know a lot of others in this situation would try & fight for more but at this point & how much I have hurt already, this is the best possible situation. Of course it's going to be tough seeing my daughter for 2 weeks out of the month versus every day, but it will make the time with her that much better.

We are currently still living together which is the hardest thing out of all of this. We are going to meet with a property management company & get the house u for rent ASAP. I wish we could sell but it's not an option right now with little equity (built house May 2015). Once the house rents, we will go our separate ways. The tough thing is school districts...I would love to keep my daughter in the same school but it might not be an option due to the fact that there aren't many rentals at all in the area & the one's that are up for rent are out of my price range. The other schools in the area are very good though so she will be fin.

In regards to my mental/emotional state, I can honestly say that I am doing 10 times better than when I first posted. Of course I still have thoughts/pictures/emotions that are flying around in my head, but since I have accepted everything & we have started the process of moving on, I am not hurting nearly as bad. I guess right now the biggest hurdle is dealing with all of the stress of the divorce - splitting finances, hiring property management company, figuring out place to live, etc. That & obviously living in the same house with her. It still hurts knowing she is texting this guy & has feelings for him while under the same roof but I have to move on & realize that she doesn't deserve me. I am trying to run every day, spend all the time with my daughter that I can, & have decided to quit drinking on week nights that I am at the house with my soon to be ex (don't want to call her my wife). I decided to quit drinking when in the house with her because it just cloudy's things up in my opinion & makes me more inclined to fly off at the handle. Not to mention, helps me work on getting healthier with mind & body. It's tough because I love me some beer after a long day's work, but will be worth it when all is said & done. I have also started to see an individual counselor & had my first session Monday. Hoping that talking to someone that doesn't know me at all & knows how to handle these types of situations from a professional standpoint, will help.

Lastly, I just want to thank all of you for the incredible support. It is kind of crazy to me that I find such amazing support on a BGE forum of all places. With all the crazy Sh*t going on in the world, it is extremely refreshing to know that there are some really great people out in the world that care about others & helping get through hard times.

Cheers, hope everyone has a stellar rest of the week

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Comments

  • blasting
    blasting Posts: 6,262
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    All the best to you - sounds like you're on the right track
    Phoenix 
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  • Legume
    Legume Posts: 14,627
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    F yeah!  Great post, glad to see you on top of it and thinking long term.
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  • Jeremiah
    Jeremiah Posts: 6,412
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    Wow. My heart breaks for you and your situation. It sounds as if y'all are at least making the best of it and moving forward. Best of luck to you and your daughter. Hopefully soon enough you'll be on your own, and able to egg happily!
    Slumming it in Aiken, SC. 
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  • DoubleEgger
    DoubleEgger Posts: 17,186
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    Glad things didn't get messy for you. Your life sentence just got commuted to time served. Hoping you find the happiness you deserve. Best of luck moving forward and we're always here for you. 
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  • BikerBob
    BikerBob Posts: 284
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    Based on a very sad experience years ago, get your own lawyer. I know-I know we worked it all out. Yeah, the last time I saw her I had to hire a lawyer. It would have saved me a lot of money over the years and would have saved a lot of worry and stress. Lawyers do not hesitate to lie to one of the parties in a divorce. If he is her lawyer even if your are paying the bill, you are the one being lied to.
    Have some fun while single before getting into another relationship. Again the voice of stupidity. You can't learn everything from your own mistakes, there isn't enough time to make as many as I did.
    Good luck.

    Bob
    Cooking on the coast
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  • nolaegghead
    nolaegghead Posts: 42,102
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    I went through the same thing back in '91.   Faster you can put in in the rear-view mirror, the better.  It will sting for a while. 

    You will have holes to fill, don't rush into a new (at least serious) relationship for a while because you want to fill a hole, I bought a boat and started fishing and skiing like crazy, got adventurous, did what I wanted to do (which wasn't always well-thought out, I must admit).  Anyway, got through it.  Life is good.  I'm looking back at all that now 25 years later.

    And there's brisket camp Oct 22nd.  Consider a road trip to New Orleans. 
    ______________________________________________
    I love lamp..
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  • johnkitchens
    johnkitchens Posts: 5,227
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    We are pulling for you, and we are here for you. 

    Louisville, GA - 2 Large BGE's
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  • HarrisFrampton
    HarrisFrampton Posts: 104
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    Glad to hear that you are on the right track. Best of luck.
    Wimberley,TX
    X-Large,Large, Medium and Small
    17" and 28" Blackstones
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  • NPHuskerFL
    NPHuskerFL Posts: 17,629
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    Moving forward all the best to you. Cheers. 
    LBGE 2013 & MM 2014
    Die Hard HUSKER & BRONCO FAN
    Flying Low & Slow in "Da Burg" FL
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  • SemolinaPilchard
    SemolinaPilchard Posts: 1,282
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    So glad to hear you are doing better.
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  • THEBuckeye
    THEBuckeye Posts: 4,231
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    I wonder what the other side of the story is?
    New Albany, Ohio 

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  • BrevardAUEgger
    BrevardAUEgger Posts: 31
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    Thanks all. @TheBuckeye she met this guy on a work trip & started texting with him. She traveled for work a few times & saw him. She continues to text him & even is going on a trip next week to Dominican Republic that she claims to her death is for "work". When this first happened I demanded she show me proof it was for work, but she couldn't. I am not stupid. She is going on a trip with this guy, but unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that. It hurts yeah, but I can't dwell on it. She claims there won't be anything to come long term out of this, yet she chose to end her marriage over this dude.

    With all of this being said...I've got to get out of the house with her ASAP. Unfortunately, I cannot afford a place by myself right now while covering the mortgage until we find a renter. Maybe I'll start a GoFundme haha

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  • WeberWho
    WeberWho Posts: 11,029
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    You're a good man @BrevardAUEgger Just know your daughter will look back and see how big of a man you were through all of this and be proud she is yours
    "The pig is an amazing animal. You feed a pig an apple and it makes bacon. Let's see Michael Phelps do that" - Jim Gaffigan

    Minnesota
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  • Gulfcoastguy
    Gulfcoastguy Posts: 6,304
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    Don't forget to separate the debt in the settlement. This reminds me of a guy at work who married a woman with a 5 year old, had a son with her, supported her while she got her realtor license, and let her talk him into building a $400,000.00 house. She had started to out pace his income by a large margin in the last real estate boom. Then she talked him into building the house. 3 months after it was completed and 2 weeks after his mother died she filed for divorce. She even handled the closing on his new house. Of course she had been cheating on him for years. I knew that 2 years before she filed but I also knew that he would never listen to me. He actually got a cash settlement and ended up with his son after the real estate market tanked and she went bankrupt. Since then she has repeated the pattern several times with the exception of marriage as a kept woman.
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  • Skiddymarker
    Skiddymarker Posts: 8,522
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    All the best, trust you will take the egg, accessories and any part bags of lump with you....
    Delta B.C. - Whiskey and steak, because no good story ever started with someone having a salad!
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  • Florida Grillin Girl
    Florida Grillin Girl Posts: 4,973
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    It would be for the very best to both agree that neither parent will move away with the child. Pick a location and an amount of miles (say 25 or 50 or so) from that and have it put in your agreement that you won't move outside of this distance so that you can continue to co-parent your child together. I have seen what happens when one parent gets another job out of state without this included in their divorce agreement. Good Luck to you, sir.
    Happily egging on my original large BGE since 1996... now the owner of 5 eggs. Call me crazy, everyone else does!
     
    3 Large, 1 Small, 1 well-used Mini
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  • BilZol
    BilZol Posts: 698
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    Hope it all works out for you. 
    Bill   Denver, CO
    XL, 2L's, and MM
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  • BilZol
    BilZol Posts: 698
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    reh111 said:
    Disclaimer - I am a lawyer and have been for more than 40 years - not a divorce lawyer but I have done some - the thing that bothers me about your post is when you say "we hired a lawyer" - I'm sorry, but that lawyer has a conflict of interest - he cannot represent both of you and advise you equally - your wife (soon to be ex) cheated on you - that has some ramifications, both in terms of custody and in terms of property division - get your own lawyer - yes, it will cost you more than the two of you sharing the expense of a "joint" lawyer, but in the long term you will get better advice and the long term financial impact may be huge - good luck

    I learned this the hard way when I bought a house and 'we', seller and I hired a lawyer. I basically paid half of his lawyers fees.....
    Bill   Denver, CO
    XL, 2L's, and MM
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  • Austin Egghead
    Austin Egghead Posts: 3,966
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    Hang in there....I agree with BilZol says.  Get yourself an attorney that will represent your interest in both the financial and custody arrangements.  
    Large, small and mini now Egging in Rowlett Tx
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  • kl8ton
    kl8ton Posts: 5,429
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    I really feel you need your own lawyer. 
    She caused this. 
    You are not able to afford the life you are accustomed to.  You should be able to have your daughter for more than half the time.  Your Ex bailed.  You have the heartache of living under the same roof while she texts her boy toy. There is no way this should be a 50 50 split.  No way.  She did not keep the promise she made to you at the altar.  You need not worry about the aftermath if it could be a 75/25 split. She can have new man help pay for her problems. Sell the house for a loss.  She can pay the deficit. It's her deal. 

    Large, Medium, MiniMax, & 22, and 36" Blackstone
    Grand Rapids MI
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  • DoubleEgger
    DoubleEgger Posts: 17,186
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    kl8ton said:
    I really feel you need your own lawyer. 
    She caused this. 
    You are not able to afford the life you are accustomed to.  You should be able to have your daughter for more than half the time.  Your Ex bailed.  You have the heartache of living under the same roof while she texts her boy toy. There is no way this should be a 50 50 split.  No way.  She did not keep the promise she made to you at the altar.  You need not worry about the aftermath if it could be a 75/25 split. She can have new man help pay for her problems. Sell the house for a loss.  She can pay the deficit. It's her deal. 

    Depends on the state when it comes to asset division. I divorced years ago in NC. Same deal except the ex was running around with a guy at the gym. Didn't matter. I still had to give up half my crap. Luckily we had no kids so I only had to stroke one big check. 

    It's a completely different story when it comes to child custody though. 
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  • GATraveller
    GATraveller Posts: 8,207
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    What forum am I on?? 

    I wish you the best. 


    "Social media gives legions of idiots the right to speak when they once only spoke at a bar after a glass of wine, without harming the community [...] but now they have the same right to speak as a Nobel Prize winner. It's the invasion of the idiots."
                                                                                  -Umberto Eco

    2 Large
    Peachtree Corners, GA
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  • Mikee
    Mikee Posts: 892
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    All I can offer is my opinion. When a person has an affair, it's the spouse that gets hit hardest in the heart. The spouse will roll over at night while in bed thinking what they did wrong; looking for a reason. There are things we have control over, things we have some control over, and other things with no control. While it may feel like a knife was put thru your heart, time will heal it. Even after my wife and I split up, there was no affair by either of us, we remained friendly. Sure she brainwashed my daughter and stepchildren as to why I was the monster and the reason. As those kids became adults, looked back, and analyzed things; they were able to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. I left with a duffle bag of work clothes and started over. To this day I still wish marriage would worked out, but it didn't and my life has moved forward. She passed away at the age of 42. That was perhaps the second best day of my life. The best day was meeting her. 
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  • thetrim
    thetrim Posts: 11,357
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    Best of luck w everything.  Horrible situation, and I'm very sorry you find yourself in it. 
    =======================================
    XL 6/06, Mini 6/12, L 10/12, Mini #2 12/14 MiniMax 3/16 Large #2 11/20 Legacy from my FIL - RIP
    Tampa Bay, FL
    EIB 6 Oct 95
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  • RRP
    RRP Posts: 25,895
    edited September 2016
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    Still wondering about the older daughter she brought into this world when you were a mere 14 year old child yourself. Does that daughter's natural father have any say so in in where that daughter may or may not be moving to to follow her "round heeled momma"? I agreed with the others from the get go who said lawyer up! Thinking your wife can be trusted is simply naive and you are setting yourself up for yet another screwing! Grow a set of 'nads while getting your head out of your butt! Playing nice when you are playing with a known cheater is not wise! 
    Re-gasketing America one yard at a time.
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  • StillH2OEgger
    StillH2OEgger Posts: 3,748
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    I'll throw in my two cents with regards to the house. I have no idea about the size or layout of the house, but is there anyway you could find a renter for the basement or maybe a bedroom, at least in the short term, that would allow you to make the mortgage payment? You can be as picky as you want and obviously you want to make sure he or she is trustworthy, but that way your daughter can stay in the same house/school and you eliminate all the costs and potential issues that can occur with renting it out and then also having to find a place of your own. You would also have someone else pitching in for heat, electricity and whatever costs are involved. Whatever happens, good luck.
    Stillwater, MN
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  • RRP
    RRP Posts: 25,895
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    theyolksonyou said:
     
    Wow 
    I had an older sister who was divorced 3 times, shacked up for years with two others, had 5 daughters that we knew of and learned to lie with the best in and out of courts. Maybe I sound too harsh, but I don't believe he has a clue what he has been sleeping with! 
    Re-gasketing America one yard at a time.
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