Saga of the Pork Butt

CampCook

Lately, I have been yearning for a pulled pork and coleslaw sandwich like we used to get in Charlottesville years ago. So, just before Christmas I spied this magnificent 12-pound pork butt specimen and could foresee my mission. I spirited it home and was informed there were other things planned for the nativity festivals so the butt went into the cooler until the 26th. Then, as I finally got tired of installing gift software and getting out some late greeting cards I commenced cleaning out the BGE. Finally, I was ready to rub down the butt around 7pm. I used Elder Ward’s traditional North Carolina mix.
Oops, just as I was about to go get some mesquite soaking we got a call that a friend had been picked up by the police for speeding. Said friend knew of an outstanding warrant (unwarranted of course) and was worried that he might have to go to jail. Minutes later he called asking if I could secure his motorcycle, which was parked in a no parking zone where he had been pulled over by the police.
I left the rubbed butt on the cutting board and hustled down to the local station house to get his keys and other sundry personal stuff before he could be carted off to the Madison Street Jail. (Those of you familiar with this region will recognize this monument to Sheriff Joe – the meanest SOB in law enforcement and friend to no one – innocent or guilty)
I hustled back to the bike. Turns out it is a BMW of suspect vintage – maybe 1984 or so. I successfully found the ignition switch but who would ever have suspected the starter switch is buried under the headlight. Well, my trusty mag-lite found the culprit and I got the bike to a safer location. My neighbor and his father were alerted by my wife and came by to help me get all possessions back home.
I rushed in the door and wondered if now would be a good time to get the BGE fired up. Nope, not yet. A collect call came in from a certain friend informing me that if I made bail for him He could get out this evening. Not wanting to have him subjected to Joe’s pink underwear, striped uniforms, and green bologna I said I would do what I could (grumble grumble)
I got to the Jail about 9:30 remembering the rubbed butt still on the cutting board. After a couple more mind numbing encounters with the mental giants that run the jail, I had the bail paid by 10PM. Then I was informed it would be between two and five hours before he was actually released. I didn’t remember it working this way on NYPD but then Sipowitz is nowhere near as mean as Sheriff Joe. They gave me a number to call to check on progress.
So, back home and fire the BGE. A Fist sized lump of mesquite soaked for two minutes in the microwave was added after the flame was well established and just before the plate setter went in. Immediately after, the rubbed butt was laid out on the grate, Polder plugged in and set to 160 degrees, and the BGE closed with all drafts wide open.
Elder suggests a cool one and some patience while the BGE dome comes to temperature. I have to admit to being just a little short on patience at the moment but I did manage to find something cool and quite soothing. Moreover, there is something mellowing about tending the BGE. Maybe not as good as Garrison Keilor’s catsup but really very nice. Remembering my pilot training, I watched the temperature coming up fast and began to back off on the draft about 15 degrees before target. At five degrees before target, I adjusted again and hit the desired 200 degrees right on the nose.
By 12 o’clock, the temp was still rock solid on 200 degrees and I settled back to wait for the next phone call. At one, I checked and found the temperature had crept up to 225. I cut the draft some more. I was down to about a one eighth inch crack. I called the special number for jail information, entered the inmate number and found he was being processed for releaser at 3 AM. I set about dreaming of purchasing a GURU and decided to catch some shuteye in a chair while waiting. At two thirty, I awoke stiff and bleary eyed. The BGE dome is at exactly 200. Now the question. Should I try to go back to sleep and wait for the call or head down to the jail? I opt to head out.
Twenty-five minutes later I park on Jefferson and walk over to the Jail. At 3:10 my friend appears and we head home. He tells me they never did give him a speeding ticket. Guess the Sheriff Joe commission is enough.
At 3:48 the temperature is down to 150. Man, I hope it didn’t go out while I was gone. At 4am I decide to open up the drafts until I see some positive movement and then close them down again. My friend is staying here for the night. At 4:15 the temp is 160. I tighten up the draft and head to bed. To hell with it. Can’t hurt much now. (OK, before you ask, yes I brushed my teeth before crawling into bed)
At 8 am I awoke with a start feeling like I had been run over by a truck. I staggered out to the BGE and found the temp reading 200 and meat at 131. I tweaked the draft open a hair for no good reason and tried to go back to sleep. At 8:40 the dog came in and announced the arrival of my Daughter and her family. They had driven all night from Northern California. I think we will be a fine bunch today. BGE dome still says 200. Meat is now at 133.
After another hour, it seems like the dome temp has dropped to 190 and the meat temp says 129. Obviously, something is haywire. Seems like there is heat rising from the top vent. So let’s make sure this puppy can hunt. All vents open to see if it is still alive. Of course then I get distracted and return in 20 minutes to a dome temp of 400 and rising. I reset all vents the way they were at 200 and wait. Meat temp is starting to rise again. At 10am I told my wife not to expect pulled pork for dinner. She said that’s ok because all the grandkids prefer Chinese buffet anyway. Who can reason kid’s taste? Anyway, they are going shopping.. My friend left to work someplace.
About noon, the dome is back around 200 degrees and the meat is up to 172 degrees. Once again I tweaked the drafts almost closed to let the meat dwell at this temp. I figure 60 to 90 minutes before it is allowed to rise to 185. But then, by 1:30 the temperature in the dome is dropping well below 200. The meat temperature is heading south as well. By 2PM I get the mapp gas going and I am able to reinvigorate the fire through the bottom draft up through the ash grate. The meat temperature sagged all the way back to 153 before starting to come up again. I let the dome temp settle in at 325 degrees. The grandkids are back from shopping and are all gathered around the latest video. It’s definitely time for a beer.
By 3:30 the meat hits 185 and I open the drafts – both those on the BGE and another from the cooler. At 4:00 PM, the butt hits 200 degrees and immediately goes into an aluminum wrap and into a Styrofoam cooler so fast I forgot to get a picture. That is, all except some end pieces that fall off and are available for samples. First appraisal: outstanding. My Friend returns and exclaims approval. I guess it was all worth it. Unfortunately, I wimped out and let the urchins select Chinese buffet for supper. Oh well, this will make for a wonderful Sunday dinner. Maybe I can even convert some of the kids after they taste this wonderful creation with my wife’s real coleslaw.[p]What can I say? The BGE is definitely forgivable. [p]Happy New Year
Dave

tn slagamater

CampCook, this story should get a pulitzer prize!Well said!However, I think you MUST be a lawyer, and based on my previous dealings with the profession, any trouble you have is WELL deserved. If not, send the trouble on to a deserving associate.... Merry Christmas to ya

The Other Dave

tn slagamater, I don't think he's a lawyer, I believe this is StumpBaby's alter ego.

CampCook

The Other Dave and tn slagamatar[p]Sorry Guys, I'm just an old retread engineer.[p]Dave