Weak Fortean

Unknown

I always enjoy Thanksgiving weekend. There's nothing like spending some time watching a couple guys pound stuff into a bird. Then I turn off Cinemax and go into the kitchen to cook a turkey or two.

BULLETIN: I just turned on my television and learned that the fat man will be with us through the holiday season! Apparently there was a report on some South Bend TV station, WGOD. They're saying that the big jolly guy whom we all love to watch on TV will still be spreading joy to people in Indiana and around the country, heck, around the world, especially Ireland. People said he wasn't getting the job done anymore and that maybe he should be replaced. But they were wrong and that's a big relief.

So I'm thrilled to let you know that we'll still have Santa Claus.

Okay, let's get back to last weekend's exciting college football action. There were a lot of traditional matchups over Thanksgiving weekend. Of course over the years many of the more famous matchups have been shifted around. I was looking all over the place trying to find out when my Pitt Panthers would face off against Penn State, but I guess that must have been on ESPN3 or something.

Due to shifts in league memberships, new traditional games have developed. For instance, LSU lost another tough one at R. Kansas. Normal Kansas pulled an upset over Missouri.

Alabama shut out Auburn to reclaim possession of that most famous medical invention, the Iron Bowel. Florida bombed Florida State to take first place in the SEC South. And Cincinnati beat Syracuse to clinch the AFC North.

The biggest games were in the Big 12 South and the Pac-8. At home in Austin the Texas Aggies crushed A&M. Meanwhile, the goofy crossover games left everyone confused. Oklahoma got revenge for their controversial loss two years ago and pounded Oregon State, keeping the Ducks out of the Rose Bowel. Meanwhile Oregon visited Ohio State and blew them out. Ohio University apparently played in at T-Bone Pickens State, but I never did get that score.

In the end the whole thing thoroughly messed up the BS rankings. Apparently Oklahoma edged out Texas in first place votes, 45-35, so they get to move on while John Mackovic Brown will get to do more TV interviews.

Also, in the most famous of intersectional rivalries, USC and Pete Carole really poured it on against their famous former running back Charles White and his Notre Dame squad.

I've been saluting the Song Girls on their anniversary and I'd like to recognize Janie from the 1981 squad. In the Larry L Smith era the Trojan program was famous for its use of subterfuge. 10 years after she graduated Janie was sent out to perform a mata hari role as she infiltrated the Notre Dame program, under the pseudonym Kim Dunbar.

Unfortunately for the Trojans, they kept on losing to the Irish as the only players who lost eligibility thanks to Janie's shenanigans were scrubs. Seems that Janie had spent a bit too much time in the sun and she was more leathery than Joan Rivers' thighs (trust me, you don't want to know).

Thus the star players for the Irish wanted nothing to do with her--they were even willing to settle for SMC girls instead. Coach Smith was soon fired and Janie moved on to do bird-stuffing movies for Cinemax. See, it all comes full circle.