Stumpbaby's Big Green Egg Recipes and Other Stories

PhinnGerbang

I see a lot of stories about @Ybabpmuts and his exploits cooking on the big green egg.  And a lot of stories about his bum.  So we don't lose track of any of them in threads that are not dedicated to his cooking or his bum, maybe he can post them all here?  

Ybabpmuts

Oh dear lord. I have most of what I posted over the first 19 years or so....

Ybabpmuts

Posted by New Bob on September 25, 2002 at 21:58:13:

Hi all,

I have 2 birds brining for beer butt chicken, following Brant's Brined Beer Butt Bird recipe. It calls for brining 12 hr. then rinsing

well, wrap in plastic for 24 hr.

Why am I wrapping the birds tightly in plastic wrap??? What is taking place for this 24 hr. period???

Thanks,

New Bob 

Posted by StumpBaby on September 25, 2002 at 22:25:49:

In Reply to: Brant's Beer Butt Chicken posted by New Bob on September 25, 2002 at 21:58:13:

New Bob,

Hmmm...I've never heard of wrapping anything loosely..now don't get me wrong...I've heard the term loosely wrapped many

...many ...times in my day...but usually not when referring to birds...so I guess you betta outta follow them there directions. As to

what's gonna be taking place for those 24 hours...that's up to you. Sometimes I just sit and watch the bird...just in case...but this

caused some problems in my household...seems last time I left the fridge door open the whole time and my wife's..la--de--da

fancy-pants..10-dollah cheeze went bad (as if it wasn't bad when she bought it, it already smelt like a possums behind..not that I'd

really know what that smells like..mind you....but you know..if'n I had to.. guess)...hmm..so those 24 hours are entirely up to

you...me ...wel..sometimes..I like to sit around reading poetry and biting my toenails...but ever since the neighbors got that new

dog...you know the one that comes into my yard and drops off them there 10 pound lawn steamers..I kinda ain't been chewin' on

the ol toenails like I used-ta..

note to self..get some new shoes...

Happy day to you sir..and let us know how them there 24 hours goes fer yah...

StumpBaby

Ybabpmuts

Your egg draws flies when you cook pork ? That reminds me of a girlfriend I once had. She was somewhat of an enigma, a self proclaimed naked artist. On warm summer days, she would grab her easel, her number 2 pencil, and go outside and sit naked in the hot desert sun, drawing flies.

SB

Ybabpmuts

Posted by FrozenChosen on December 23, 2002 at 15:38:01:

In Reply to: Re: Prime Rib - Indirect ro Direct after sear? posted by kat on December 23, 2002 at 15:32:45:

kat,

I called and left a message, but never heard back. Too bad, as I've cooked at -35F, and developed recipes for moose nose and whale muktuk

as well as variants on the traditional Native favorite, stinkhead. (God, that Stump guy would run this into the ground). Merry Christmas!

Posted by StumpBaby on December 23, 2002 at 23:18:19:

In Reply to: Re: Prime Rib - Indirect ro Direct after sear? posted by FrozenChosen on December 23, 2002 at 15:38:01:

FrozenChosen,

Stinkhead ? ...hmmm...that reminds me of a story...let's see ..where to begin...

Well..it was a warm sunny day..3 weeks after Easter, and matter of fact, many of the easter decorations were still kickin around the house. It

was just the day before that we had found..by following a rather bad oder.. some crusty old hard boiled..easter eggs that my daughter had

stashed under her bed...for "safe keeping". I had gone up to the bathroom..in order to ..well..take care of some business. I noticed laying on

the back of the commode, an Easter bonnet that my daughter had warn on Easter. It was one of those nice little, shiny, sorta plastic straw

hats with fake flowers on the front, quite cute actually. I made a mental note when I was turning around, that I should put that in it's proper

place in my daughters closet, when I was through. Well, I flipped the seat up, sat down, took out my best woodworker magazine..and

well..took care of business. Some 5 minutes later, after putting my magazine down, and standing up, I realized that the bonnet was missing,

well...one look down..and I could see exactly what had happened..it seems that the action of me flipping up the seat, had dislodged this little

number, and caused it to land square in the center of the commode, pointing up, I might add. There it sat..somewhat..heavier that it had been

a few minutes before..and yet still doing its best to remain afloat. You know, there is a time when you just can't believe what you are

seeing...a time when...time itself seems to stop..and you just stand there...with that "deer in the headlights" look..trying to make sense of

what you're looking at..and then..eventually..your brain starts to work again..and you start to realize what it is you're looking at, and what it

means to you. What can I say...in that moment..soo many things came to mind..not the least of which is that...nobody is gonna believe this..so

you start to think you may want a picture to prove it...but then you realize what you are thinking and come to your senses..then the realization

comes that..you are gonna have to retrieve that item..cause it was obviously not gonna disappear on its own. Then you realize what this

means..the word retrieve has never meant so much..than it has in this sense..good god..you ask yourself ..how ..how..will I retrieve it ..and

then you realize that..when (and it wasn't a question of IF..it was when) you do retrive it..should an attempt be made to ..uh...salvage said

item...and if not..what then ? How does one properly dispose of such a thing ? I decided that all I should do is retrive this offensive item, and

properly dispose of it. After giving it some thought, a somewhat brilliant idea came to mind, on how to retrive this item. Without getting

dressed, I ran downstairs, telling my wife not to go to the upstairs bathroom as I flew by, grabbed a trash bag, and my daughters 1 foot long

Mickey Mouse fishing pole and ran back upstairs. I was standing there, in front of the commode, completely undressed, with that Mickey

Mouse pole in hand, trying to snag that bonnet, when my wife walked in (evidently her curiosity had been peeked). Imagine her surprise to

see me in such a state..I don't know what ran through her mind (and I probably don't want to know)..but she had that look of disbelief in her

eyes..and all she could say was "catch anything"...and all I could think to say was "Honey...you ever hear of a stinkhead?". Ahh..what can I

say..she just shook her head, turned around, and walked out..never even asked what the deal was..and I never offered. Over time she learned

not to ask questions when these type of things happen. I finally caught that offending item..and threw it out in the trash. Now, all I gotta do is

remember that I gotta buy a new Easter bonnet when Easter gets close. I don't want to have to explain to anybody..what had happened to that

bonnet. If I get lucky, I'll find the exact same one..and nobody will be the wiser. The only side affect is when I cook fish for dinner, I gotta

listen to the wifes wise cracks..like "Wonder where you caught that?"

Ahh...god bless.. her..

Oh, yeah. and to make this a legal post...

Yesterday I cooked a pork roast on the big green egg.

You have a happy holiday!

StumpBaby

RRP

That was a true stumpbaby classic in true stumpbaby classic style clear back to 2002. 

Ybabpmuts

The good old days Ron. 

Posted by South O on January 07, 2003 at 09:44:30:

In Reply to: Re: The outcome of Cybersex with a married spouse posted by StumpBaby on January 07, 2003 at 09:23:02:

StumpBaby,

How can you mention fleas without entertaining us with a story? Please do, I know that I am not the only one who wishes to read about it.

Give my best to momma

Matt. 

Follow Ups:

*****Posted by StumpBaby on January 07, 2003 at 17:29:44:

In Reply to: Re: The outcome of Cybersex with a married spouse posted by MikeO on January 07, 2003 at 

09:51:50:

MikeO,

Momma said I was not to be talking about the great flea incident no more..on accounta it's embarrasing to the 

family..most of all to my

brother Chris ..she said nothin good can come of it...and most of the time momma is right..once I thought she 

wasn't right..and did something

she done told me not to do...I payed for that..she beaned me over the head with a knobby ol crusty turkey 

leg..man that hurt..next time...I'm

gonna wait till momma has something soft in her hand..like one of them country biscuits gramma makes (not 

the ones my sister Beulah

makes..on accounta they come out wrong and can do more damage than that turkey leg..momma says we still 

gotta eat them though..to make

Beulah feel better..momma says if Beulah didn't have that lazy eye..she wouldn't be messin up the recipes all 

the time...easy for momma to

say..about eaten them biscuits..she's got them 4 strong molahs in the front..can crush through anything. I will 

say this..I notice momma don't let

Beulah help mix up the shine...momma ain't gonna let a lazy eye get bettween her and some good shine..but 

it's OK for the biscuits...sometimes I

think momma don't think right..like the rest of us)...so if'n I get hit with a nice soft biscuit...then that's OK. 

Well..mommas not on the

internet..so's I feel safe telling this story here..cept if anybody spreads it around....

Well..most people take good care of their dogs and can tell when they been gettin fleas..matter of fact..I hear 

tell of people that wash their

dogs so they don't get the fleas in the first place..but that's probably people what don't have to walk down to 

the creek to fill the washtub..you

know..they have them fancy pipes in the house..rich folk..momma calls them..but anyway...I'll tell you how we 

found out that my poor dog

Patrick got them fleas..and you may laugh..cause it may seem that there's got to be a better way..and I would 

agree...and I would tell you we

now check that dawg for fleas about once a week..nobody wanna go through what we did to find them fleas. 

Well...it was a warm sunny day...and

momma went into my brother Chris's room to git him outta bed..he was way to late for milkin the cow..and 

poppa sure was mad not to have

any milk with his grits. As momma walks into Chris's room...she sees Patrick walking outta the room..with his 

tail bettween his legs...momma was

worreid bout that..cause he only does that when he was getting into something bad..or when he passed 

some nasty doggy gas..sorta wrecked our blamin our gas

on the dawg..cause momma would look down..and if'n the dogs tail was not down bettween his legs..she 

knows it was one of us that done it. So,

she knew Patrick was into something awful..and to hear her tell the story..she did walk into some sorta 

stinky business that day..started hitting my

brother with a broomstick..cus'n at him like you read about..thinkin he must have had some nasty gas..till she 

went'n stepped onto something what

she called squinchy..you know when you've stepped into something squichy..specially when you've got them 

bare feet on..and it feels like a

real old tomotoe squishing down bettween your toes. Momma looked down, to find that ..sticking halfway out 

from under Chris's, bed was a nasty

old pair of Chris's underwear..and when she bent down to take a closer look..(momma was so brave at 

times..I think if I saw them

underwear..I'd be runnin for the hills..or maybe the creek)..well..the first thing momma noticed was that a large 

portion of them there

undergarments were just plum gone...and from what she could tell..it would be the backside that was 

missin..and momma got so interested she

grabbed that underwear with her bare hand to get a closer look (I made sure not to eat mommas meatloaf 

until after the next Saturday..which

was our weekly wash day..on accounta momma mostly mixed that meat by bare hand)and she made the 

biggest whoopin noise...

(like that one poppa made when he found out Beulah had a man friend wantin to take her hand in 

marriage...that is until he found out it was

cousin Billy..it was still OK with us kids..let Billy eat hard biscuits we said..but poppa would have nuthin of 

it..pointing out what happened when our other cousins married...puttin it that way was hard for us to say yes 

to..we're stuck with hard biscuits ..I guess)...but this whoopin noise was not good..cause it was because 

momma saw some fleas on that there undergarment..she started

screaming at Chris throwing that there undergarment at him..yellin to poppa to get the washtub ..cause one of 

da boys had fleas again. (Me and my brother Jeff..we first thought Chris had them saber tooth crotch crickets 

again..but we was not gonna try to correct momma..cause we couldn't remember if she knew about the first 

time Chris caught them..and we didn't wanna spill the beans..figuring Chris was in enough trouble..on accounta 

the missin parts of those underwear) Chris

woke up..liftin his head outta that puddle of drool on this pillow...and he spied momma waving around..them 

underwear..and well..before he

knew what momma ws screaming about... he lost it..plum lost it..starting apologizing to momma about not 

making it to the bathroom..and how

he was gonna wash out them there pantaloons (Chris sometimes tried to use some of them fancy French 

words...to make us think he was the

smart one of the family..didn't fool nobody..especially after what was just about to happen)..soon as he woke 

up..said he thought it was only

gas..and too late he realized there was something more to it...and seeing as how tired he was..just tossed them 

there ..now heavier

garments..under the bed till the morning. This stopped momma cold...she had that look on her face like people 

get when they're trying to do

some serious math in their head...like grampa used to get when he went to market to sell cows..course I think 

grampa gave way lot of them

cows..on acounta bad math..we all just stood there and waited for momma to realize what this meant..she 

didn't see anything like what Chris

was confessin to on them garments..then I think she realized about that dawg walking out like that..it was at 

this time I think that momma did finish

that math problem in her head..put 2an2 together poppa said...and realized what had happened. Apparently 

that dawg had found them there

nasty pantaloons (to borrow a word of Chris) and musta been mighty hungry that mornin...cause he prolly was 

now the owner of the missing

parts of those pantaloons..I seen dogs eat some nasty stuff in my day..but nothing close to that...(what I 

thought about...right at this point.. was all that time earlier that

morning ..that ..I was letting Patrick lick my face...good god..that's not good..I ran away and wiped my 

tongue off...from now on, momma said..always

close your mouth when the dog licks your face...specially until Chris moves out..if'n he's gonna keep having 

these mishaps). Momma

eventually figured out that the fleas on that there underwear were prolly from the dawg...although she 

inspected Chris right fully..clear after

she beat him with an old hickory stick (poppa said wasn't the first time Chris was hit with a stick..he said just 

look at him and you know he got

a whoopin with an ugly stck at some point..we sure did laugh at that). Both Chris and the dwag got a bath that 

day...even though it wasn't

Saturday..and far as I know..Chris don't make those mishaps no more..he always runs to the outhouse even 

if'n he thinks that it's just some

gas..said he ain't providing nothing more for that dawg..although I think it was another whoopin he was 

worried about..that sure took a long time to

heal. We now check that dawg for fleas often.. momma says we gotta keep doing it, as it's the easiest way to 

tell..rather than going through what we

just did. Tween you and I..I don't let that dawg in my room..it's just in case.. I won't have the same problem 

as Chris..no way I'm gonna be runnin

to the outhouse that much..specially when I only suspect something in brewing....I'll go when I know for 

sure..and not a minute before.

That's it...my complete flea story..don't spread it around..last I need is for momma to know I dun told 

everybody our nasty flea story

StumpBaby 

Ybabpmuts

Hay-Suse-Cristo, hard to believe I posted all that nonsense by typing with one finger for like 20 years. My finger is the same length too, I wish I used a double blind study and spelled some of it with my finger and some of it with the sharp edges of the morning tiddly wanker. I could be literally swimming in tiddly wanker data at this point. So so sad

Photo Egg

It’s great having the stump back and I hope he’s doing well. But maybe stumpbaby classic posts are better left in the past as a great memory of that time.