Sounded good on paper

Jeepster47

Some beef short ribs are on the grill.  So, with nothing to do for awhile I got to thinking about what to cook this weekend.  Hmmm ... there are a couple turkeys in the freezer. But, there are only the two of us and a whole turkey will last us for quite awhile.  Hmmm ... what if I cut one of those in half ... cook half on Sunday and the other half later.  Man, that is such a great idea.  Damn am I smart!

Okay, out comes the turkey ... 12.5 lbs.  Out comes the cutting board and the meat saw.  So, here we go ... this is going to be great.  It's important to split the breasts evenly, so that's where I started.  Back and forth went the saw ... and back and forth went the turkey and the cutting board.  Okay, some anti-slip pads between the cutting board and the turkey were installed.  Now we'll have this turkey split in a minute.  Well, not quite yet ... seems as though it's still a lot like the proverbial monkey and a football.  Guess we'll cook the whole damn turkey.

jcaspary

The mental picture of that is hilarious.  Probably not so funny when it is happening to you though.  Have fun grilling the bird.

SmokeyPitt

I hope all of your fingers are still attached and in one piece.  I would have lost an arm.  

theyolksonyou

Two words.... Reciprocating saw! Break out the power tools. It'll be fun and nothing bad will happen surely. Just put it in a vise. :-\"

Ozzie_Isaac

I vote ax.

UrbanForestTurnings

Band saw

RRP

LOL  - Guess we'll cook the whole damn turkey. Is there now a kerf through the skin? If so why not use it to work your hand under the skin and rub butter and your favorite rub directly on the breast meat? Just trying to be helpful!

BTW where does one buy a meat saw for home use?

SmokeyPitt

Ladeback69

Sounds like an accident waiting to happen. I would have cooked the whole thing, then froze what was left, but who doesn't love a challenge. . I am trying to decide what to cook tonight, because it's going to too cold for me this weekend. It may be meatloaf.

RRP

Ozzie_Isaac said:

I vote ax.

Jamie - I think you misspelled that - didn't you mean "I vote ASK (not ax)" your son and family to a turkey dinner.

johnkitchens

The monkey and the football brought a smile to my face! I haven't heard that one in a while. 

Ozzie_Isaac

RRP said:

Ozzie_Isaac said:

I vote ax.

Jamie - I think you misspelled that - didn't you mean "I vote ASK (not ax)" your son and family to a turkey dinner.

I did think ask, but I know if I want an invite I need to go through Mrs. Jeepster.

Jeepster47

RRP said:

... BTW where does one buy a meat saw for home use?

Don't know where I bought it.  Have had it since the 70s.  Bought it back then for butchering venison ... couldn't afford to have them processed.

Ozzie_Isaac

@Jeepster47 is that the white handled one? I always used that for wood. It was the sharpest.

lousubcap

Too ambitious and funny: turkey-1; @Jeepster47-0. (And I have used a hatchet to spatchcock a turkey.)  BTW-how are you cooking the short ribs; braise, foil, no foil all the way or some other method?

Jeepster47

@lousubcap ... a little olive oil and some Penzeys English Prime Rib Rub on three pieces and some Dizzy Pig Cowlick Steak Rub on one piece.  The plan is to go all the way without foiling. 

nolaegghead

Uhh...poultry shears?

lousubcap

@Jeepster47-Thanks for the info.  I too am a fan of putting the effort into the prep and then let the BGE do the magic to the finish-line.  Great eats await.

Chubbs

nolaegghead said:

Uhh...poultry shears?

That's what I was thinking :-?

Jeepster47

Chubbs said:

nolaegghead said:

Uhh...poultry shears?

That's what I was thinking :-?

Yea well, it was that kind of brilliant thinking that got me into trouble in the first place.

caliking

+1 for reciprocating saw. A friend did something similar recently and worked like a charm.

Moist paper towel between cutting board and counter, moist dish towel  between chicken and cutting board, work glove on nondominant hand to hold the bird steady.

milesvdustin

Definitely the recip saw. Thats how i cut the legs and head off of deer when i kill em each season.

UrbanForestTurnings

SmokeyPitt said:

And chaps

Jeepster47

Got even with that *&%^& turkey today. 

In answer to a couple of suggestions to use poultry shears ... the turkey's body cavity was stuffed with the throw away parts and then the small voids were filled with frozen water.  Nowhere to get the shears started ... kind of like trying to spatchcock a bowling ball.

Since I'd screwed up the breast bone, I ended up parting out the bird.  De-boned the breasts, cut off the wings (and wing tips) and cut the thigh/leg combos free of the carcass. Salt and peppered one half the bird and rubbed the other half with Dizzy Pig Raging River.  Fired up the egg to 375 degrees with some pecan chunks set the grill to raised direct.  Flipped the pieces at 30 minutes and checked the temps ... wow were the breasts cooking fast.  Pulled the wings and breasts at 45 minutes ... breasts at 160 degrees.  One thigh took an additional 10 minutes and the second one took 20 additional minutes ... suspect that they might have still been a little frozen.

Both the Raging River and the S&P sides were slightly different in taste, but both will be go to preps for the next turkey cook.

Obligatory serving plate pic (thighs still cooking) to prove I'm not full of it ... this time:

NPHuskerFL

) Great story! Quite a mental picture.
Looks like a great end result despite the painful process. )

Ozzie_Isaac

Looks like a dish Dexter would serve

I still give the bird the win.

Jeepster47

Ozzie_Isaac said:

... I still give the bird the win.

The turkey may have won, but only on points.  Turkeys and hasslespuds definitely need some more practice.

Ozzie_Isaac

Also looks like you have a salad fork instead of a protein fork? I think you need some fork pointers from @RRP .

NPHuskerFL

Ozzie_Isaac said:

Also looks like you have a salad fork instead of a protein fork? I think you need some fork pointers from @RRP .

Or @THEBuckeye
:-\"

anton

I will plan on the sawzall then, when I spatch mine, or I also have a huge pair of tin snips that might double as poultry shears, thanks for the heads up, and the laughs Jeepster.

RRP

NPHuskerFL said:

) Great story! Quite a mental picture.
Looks like a great end result despite the painful process. )

I'm still way back there at the start of this thread with the monkey and the football image!