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Last Active
  • Re: Seared Tuna

    first crime: searing the tuna on the stove top.

    second crime: assuming it wasn't done after you seared it

    if you want a pan sear, do it in the egg with a tinge of smoke. then, after you have seared to your liking, pull it off and eat eat. if it's not cold and raw in the middle, then you have overcooked it.
  • Re: Temperature Control

    The daisy is a dimmer switch. Too hot? Shut it a bit. Too cold? Open it.

    No idea why some wanna make it difficult.
  • Re: mapp torches may explode

    let's let the lawyers decide that, shall we? ;)

    but in my mind, and i could very well be on a jury, hitting a pipe isn't negligent...

    and if the can breaks before the designed fracture joint, then something's wrong.
  • Re: 2 pork butts (advice needed)

    holy christ.  once again we completely agree, but you don't see that i am agreeing with you.

    a play in three acts:

    ACT I:
    split stage, exterior of two similar and instinct back yards, we see two grills at each end of stage, identical in their ovoid greeness. smell of woodsmoke. the characters share the stage, but are not aware of each other.

    faceless narrator: "steven and stike, at their own homes, and unbeknownst to each other (that means they dunno wtf the other is doing) each decide to both cook four identical 7-pound butts at 250."

    "both notice after putting them on that, gee, the BGE is taking a long time to return to 250. in fact, it takes each cooker an EXTRA hour longer than it does when they cook a single butt."

    steven and stike: (together, but unaware of the other) "hmmmm", they both think... "dinner is going to be an hour later than i thought".

    ....aaaaand scene

    exterior, evening. smoke is chuffing gently upward from each grill. we hear exaggerated sizzling sounds. smell of pork fat should be wafted into the theater if possible, mixed with the woodsmoke to heighten the effect. 

    Narrator (with narrator's description acted out by steven and stike): "as the cook progresses, and the vagaries of fat, ambient temps, etc. come into play, stike wanders his front yard, kicking dirt, and ranting to himself that his pork is now going to take an hour longer than he thought.  he screams profanities at passing motorists, and in frustration, begins drinking heavily, calling ex-girlfriends and old bosses on the phone.  ranting at them as though the extra time is their problem and not a reflection of his own failed career and life and alcoholic loneliness.

    steven, 1500 miles away in another country, shrugs and decides he's in no rush anyway. the extra hour won't hurt things."

    ....aaaaand, scene.

    ACT III: late evening, crescent moon appearing at center stage, between each grill.

    Narrator: (again, steven and stike act out the narration, each unaware of the other)
    "putting down his bible and cherry coke, to check his maverick wireless probe, steven finds his cook done at 17 hours, when he determines they are at his 'perfect' temp (sadly, we do now know what that temp is, just that he considers them 'done'). he takes them off the grill and carrie them into his mid-century modern home, designed by Neutra, and furnished with period pieces he has collected over the years.  his stunning wife praises the look of the pulled pork, and his guests regale him with praise. he no longer is upset that his cook took an extra hour.

    back at stike's double-wide, we find him stamping his foot.  gawdammit.  the cook is now only just finishing up at his perfect 'done' temp for pulled pork. 16 hours!. that extra hour really screwed him up.  he angrily plops the pork into a cheap foil pan, drunkinly stumbles into the 'house' past the wooden home made screen door hanging off one hinge, kicks aside the cat who wants in and the dog who wants out, and yells at the freeloading inlaws to come get the dinner and to not even DARE complain that it is an hour late.

    stike is mad.  his cook took 16 hours.
    steven's happy. his only took 17."

    steven and stike move to center stage, recognize each other, hug, holding one hand between them, they turn to audience and exult together, in shared revelation
    Narrator; "the moral of the story..."

     steven and stike together (still holding hands, stike weeping, but happy; steven wiping stike's tears with free hand and an oven mitt) "he who tries to time pork butts to the hour is on a fool's errand.  you can't control all aspects of the cook, and trying too will turn you into an angry drunken frustrated old man."

    they turn, exit stage left, as steven puts his arm around stike's shoulder. pats twice

    fade out and quickly fade in, spot on center stage, under the moon.  a small dead tree, small dirt mound

    enter Estragon stage right.
     (sits and tried to take off boot): "there is nothing to be done"



    (steven: did you like how i mixed it up and reversed who was who ?)

  • Re: 3hr. 15min. Turbo Butt plus cooler time

    No real need to cooler unless it's done early.
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