Making It Easy For My Doctor

You're just another patient if you don't do something to stand out.

Spring "In A Bunch All By Myself" Chicken

I try to be.

Spring "Unfunny Is Not Fun" Chicken

I think I will stick with the simplified version that only requires a bit of double stick tape.

Spring "Velcro Started Out As A Cucklebur" Chicken

Haaaa... Of course it is. But I've had worse done to me and I'm still above ground. Or at least I'm under the impression that I've still above ground. I could be dead and don't know it.

Spring "The Dead Are The Last To Know" Chicken

No screws this time. I'm glued up. I could have walked from the operating room table to my room when it was all over, assuming I could walk and I had some idea as to where my room was.

That being said, I'm told by you-know-who from time to time that some of my screws must have loosened over the years. I'm good with that too.

Spring "Loose Screws Don't Start Forest Fires" Chicken

Yes I'm wearing the zipper tomorrow but I'm also continuing the Hydrocodone until they run out.

Spring "I Don't Wear Pain Well" Chicken

Had one of those too. Gave me gas.

Spring "Stand Back - Natural Gas Inside" Chicken

Yea, tell me about it.

Spring "This Far From Being On The Other Side" Chicken

Back when I was a prolific inventor but strongly influenced by procrastination, I was a member and later VP of the Houston Inventors Association.

My very first meeting at the HIA was as guest speaker (they just needed someone to talk for fifteen minutes). I had no idea how large the crowd or kind of reception so I thought I would just wing it and perhaps talk about some of the needed inventions in the trucking industry for which I was a consultant.

I wish I had prepared better because there were about 200 in attendance, including some very well known inventors and a splattering of NASA scientists.

So I got up and strolled to the microphone like I knew what the hell I was doing, looked around as the crowd noise subsided, and then said, "My name is Leroy McMillin and I invented the Frisbee."

There was a big roar of approval and I just stood there beaming.

It was a really big lie of course but after the noisy applause died down I went on to say that as a kid I used to throw my grandmother's pie tins around in the pasture so they wouldn't get banged up. The pie tin would seemingly float in the air and could be easily caught by youngsters and old people alike, then be sent on its way again with just the flip of a wrist.

But I was too young to know anything about patents and inventions so the toy idea just went the way of many good unpursued ideas, into oblivion, at least until Walter Fredrick Morrison came along in the 1950's and patented it. The rest is history.

Then I told them who I really was and that I wanted to become a member of the HIA so that the next bright idea I had would have a better chance of actually becoming a reality.

I actually think they were disappointed that I was not the real Frisbee inventor.

One night a couple of years later we were discussing "Clever Inventions" and the zipper came up. That's when I learned that it was patented in the United States in 1851 by Elias Howe who described it as "an Automatic, Continuous Clothing Closure." He never pursued it because he just happened to have invented the sewing machine. He devoted his efforts to that end leaving the automatic, continuous clothing closure in limbo.

It wasn't until Swedish Canadian Gideon Sundback received a U.S. patent this day in 1913 for the modern “hookless” zipper. The design has changed little since then.

The point of my story is that like most great inventions there often many people, sometimes covering many years, who 'invented' something useful. But it isn't until it's patent has secured it's place in history to make it official, and the market has made it profitable.

Take this invention for example: The Bicycle. It is probably the most popular mode of mechanized transportation in the world. It was invented by one of my long ago relatives, Kirkpatrick McMillan.

http://www3.sympatico.ca/comflex/mcmillan/DevilonWheels.htm

Like me he didn't pursue his idea as a patentable object. And years later others came along with their versions leaving him in the dust. It is only in the last thirty years that Kirpatrick McMillan got credit for being the actual inventor.

It is my hope that one day I will actually invent something that is unique, clearly useful, and instantly desired by every living human. Then I can finally say, "I am an inventor."

Spring "Ideas Thought Up Real Cheap" Chicken

Thanks. It's good to be back in action. And I'm thinking tonight might be my best night yet since the surgery. Nights are really tough for some reason.

At least I'm thinking more clearly now. Not so up 'til now because of the drugs. It will definitely be good to get away from those things.

Spring "Feel Like I Rode A Horse With No Name" Chicken

We'll see how funny it is when the doctor unzips me tomorrow morning.

Spring "Zip-Lock" Chicken