Mickey Z’s Big Marcs - I cooked some’en too

Keep’m com’n JL:

Unlike last week’s McRib, Big Macs are serious bin-ness, love’m, I know of no other set of humble
(if not suspect) ingredients that yield such a symphony of flavor. That said, I hate the nastiness
factor of the industry so I can’t remember the last time I had a real one. A few years ago, I decided to recreate one at home.

The Key: abandon your natural instincts to put the best burger on a plate you can, this will not lend itself to authenticity. For example, you will be tempted to use a nice-sized burger patty, which would of course be wrong; you may also want to use fresh cut onions, this too would be a mistake; & when selecting pickles, you will naturally seek out the tastiest, crunchiest, most vibrant looking pickles available, again, an error. There is a moderately counterintuitive process involved in dumbing down the food, which is what you have to do to achieve the flavor of a Big Mac.

Legal Disclaimer: I am not a licensed Big Macateer, so we just call them Big Marcs, for after all, like bill, Pat & Steven, I do strike an imposing physical massiveness :laugh: :laugh: , although I do not have Pat’s violent temper :evil: , for I understand that he will kick the crap out of anyone so long as they are semi-conscious/rip-snort’n-drunk & securely held down by Big’un.

To make, just follow the jingle that was burned into your brain over 30 years ago:

2 All Beef Patties: I use any cheap cut of steak on sale & grind it up, form into golf-ball sized pieces for squishing (the patties are only 2 or 3 ounces each);

Special Sauce: when I first made the Big Marc, I thought mixing Ketchup, Mayo & Sweet Relish would pretty much do the trick, but to be sure, I searched the net to find a recipe, & to my surprise, most called for French Dressing, Miracle Whip & other stuff which just sounded puke-inducing to me , so I went with my gut & found that above combination tastes like the real spooge so that’s what I go with;

Lettuce: Iceburg lettuce cut into very small pieces (for extra authenticity, let it wilt for a day or so);

Cheese: I’ve tried Velveeta slices & Orange American Cheese, they both seem to duplicate the flavor;

Pickles: look for the lowest priced, lowest quality, dead looking store brand pickle slices available;

Onions: I have always been convinced that dehydrated onions are re-hydrated on site, how else do they get those super tiny onion bit looking things they put on the burger? I refuse to reconstitute anything, so to duplicate the look and flavor, I start with a real onion sliced very thin on a mandolin. The key is to then soak the slices in water for an hour or so, dry, then cut into very small onion bits (this will remove most of the flavor & result it that dehydrated/re-hydrated ‘hint-o-onion’ flavor that is accomplished so well in the real deal);

On a

Sesame Seed Bun: For each Big Marc you will need 2 buns. Cut the top off of one of the tops to form the ‘club’ section (feed the cut off tops and bottoms to the birds);

To cook, smash the meat down with a spatula so it’s about a 1/4 inch thick & cook on a griddle or cast iron pan (it’s raining today so we are cook’n on porch mini, for that I cover the grid with foil and cut a slit in the middle so as not to restrict air flow), and because you do not want any smoke flavor whatsoever, cook with only well pre-burned lump. Melt cheese on, assemble & enjoy with french fries & a coke (or in my case a beer).

This will taste like the real thing except for the flavor added by a teenager with questionable hygiene & standards:





























And this is Ali Approved: