Don't know where you're at but where I am and like many other states have gone to "no fault" divorce and property distribution isn't equal but equitable.

Id say separate your accounts - if you have $ going into a joint account I'd stop that, and make a plan to pay off any joint debt equally with her  so it doesn't become something she tries to tie you to. Also put your kid first through this and don't put down her mom in front of her. 

sorry for ya man. Guessing like @Griffin said you'll probably be better off in the long run not being with the kind of person who lies and commits adultery. 

Been here.  Done this.  Get a lawyer.  Period.  I'm a lawyer and I tried to do mine "nice" and I got $&);$.  Bottom line though.....do everything you can to preserve, nurture and develop the relationship with your little girl.   DO NOT let that slide in any way

Hate to be a downer here but my advice is to buy some KY jelly and grab your ankles cause you will be getting f&$cked

http://divorceinfo.com/albasicinfo.htm

I truly feel bad for anyone going through this.  You asked for input, so...
 
1/ Move out.

2/ Lawyer up.  It'll cost a bunch but if you don't, she'll get it anyway.

3/ Move out.

4/ Don't try and and be a nice guy.  Even if she doesn't take advantage of this - her lawyer will

5/ Move out. 

I agree with @SoCalTim completely on the dignity.  I wish you all the best in getting through this.  FYI - my marriage was so bad that 13 years later I still awake each day thankful I'm single - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have to say........I am impressed, that this many people on this forum, would show this kind of support, to someone who just joined and has not even made a name for himself yet.  You would think you had been on this forum for years with the responses read here!!  I applaud you all!

Nothing more to add but I will say good luck and best to you. Hang in there and keep your head up. There is someone out there for everyone and she wasn't the one for you. And I'm sure the new man isn't the one for her but that's her problem now. Best of luck!

Okay, I'm stationary.  

After that older gentleman gave me the word of advise I previously posted, that really hit home for me.  After that, I played hard ball.  It really throws them off when you turn a different direction than you are.  

My lawyer told me to change the locks on all the doors until further notice.  

While he worked the papers I was very cordial towards her, but didn't give in on anything.  I always said in a very calm voice "you made your bed".  

The main thing for you is to still treat her well in front of your kids, no matter what, but look out for the little ones treatment too.  That's something I didn't have in my instance.  

Again, do some research, get a good lawyer.  The lady I hired has a rap for "hating women" and "being a beatch" toward women.  



Don't be afraid to see help too.  Depending on your benefits, most insurances will pay for a number of visits to a therapist.  Mine happened to be 12 visits, but I only used 8.  It was great to talk to someone who didn't know me or her.

Go to your preacher to talk to if the above isn't something you desire.  

I will say this, the lady therapist that walked me through made me feel the best I felt in a long time when this happened.  

I'll PM you my phone number if you just need someone to talk to as well.  

DO NOT MOVE OUT!   

Depending on the state, and I hear it's a difficult putt, in NC, and that is alienation of affection could be charged.  

I can't add anything other than to say good luck to you and also that my friends that have gone through this would all say that as difficult as it was to go through, they are happier now than they would have been if stuck in a marriage that one or more parties weren't committed to.

I've already said my piece so perhaps I should move on, but there's one thing that keeps striking me as odd. I sense the sorrow you have and the fact that you have a natural child between you, but she also brought a 17 year old daughter into this marriage. Whether that child was born of wedlock or a previous marriage doesn't make difference. I just think sooner than later you ought to realize she may have cheated on you long before this time, but this time she even left the trail blazing hot perhaps just for you to finally see it?  When are you going to get pissed rather than seem to be the hurt dude left behind? Lawyer up and grow a set rather than taking on the role of the proverbial victim of a cheating spouse? Sorry, man, maybe it's my gender and my age but a cheating wife with two natural children at that is low life.

Divorce sucks; but for some, marriage is worse. 

Amicable divorces do happen.  Been there.  Filed it myself, but ex and I had agreed on everything before.  But, and it's a BIG BUT, we had no kids.  So, it was more like a long term dating relationship with assets and debt to split up.

Whether you like it or not, marriage from the state's point of view is an economic relationship and nothing more.  Therefore, divorce is the same.  Divorce attorneys make their money by getting you to argue.  But, the judgement will always be within the standard deviation of "fair".  And, that likely will be a lot less than you'd pay an attorney fight.  If you guys can negotiate out a "fair" settlement (i.e. you are only moderately dissatisfied or better), you will likely come out ahead economically and you'll both save a ton of agony.

Separate yourself from the anger you feel over the betrayal and the reality of the business negotiation that needs to take place.  As others have stated, most states don't get involved in who was right and wrong these days.  It's just an unwinding of a business relationship.

The marriage is over. You and your wife will need an attorney. That's when it gets the worse. While the both of you may want close to a 50-50 split, the attorneys are looking to grab 50% each. You would be better off working out a plan before going to an attorney. 

It seems you're on the short end of the stick as she already has someone else. While it feels like a knife has been stuck thru your heart, you got to realize that life goes on.  Life will be pretty crappy for a while and you will be thinking why did this happen. You can only have some control over yourself. What she does and why she did them are not something you can do anything about.

Unfortunately, the laws are normally set up to screw the guy.  Therefore, ask for EVERYTHING.  The house, full custody of the child, child support, alimony, etc.  Start stashing away money now.

If there has been adultery, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, physical abuse, etc:  Write down everything that has happened with specific times and dates while it's fresh in your mind.  You'll need that for discovery.

If you leave right now and SHE files for divorce, she can say that you abandoned her and the family.  Don't leave until your attorney says you are able to.

In the state of Alabama:  The awarding of alimony is determined by the need of one spouse requesting alimony and the ability of the other spouse to pay. If fault is a factor in the divorce, the judge has the right to make an allowance to either spouse out of the estate of either spouse, or not make an allowance as the circumstances of the case may justify.