OT: Part Time Job of the Year

Killit_and_Grillit said:

As is my nature since I often lay awake with a restless mind, here is my good natured response. 

Good evening, 

I am responding to your Craigslist ad for a Father Figure for a BBQ. 

First, let me introduce myself. My name is ****.  I am little younger than your ad requested. However, I assure you I am an old soul. I own 5 grills, my own company, a family of 3 and a half, proudly cut my own grass, and often swear at the neighbor kids and local pets in my neighborhood. 

As far as backyard stories are concerned, I fought in a war, was hit by a car (my high school sweetheart was driving), won and lost $7 grand on a few hands of cards one night, and accidentally started a second family with a quasi celebrity via email. I also own a flame thrower and a boat. 

I will appear older to your WA crowd as I am from the south and we know how to BBQ. I am tall, husky, have a southern drawl, and have an overbearing 'dad' voice when needed. I found a gray chest hair the other day...just left it. 

Disclaimers: I refuse to grill on gas. Charcoal only. And no, Kingsford is not "charcoal". You clearly don't have a dad so you don't know better. You're gonna learn today. Also I don't drink beer...only bourbon. With ice. Also nobody is impressed with your tube top wearing "basic b!tch" of a girlfriend so don't bother bringing her. You'll embarrass your mother. And what is an "Art History" major? We get it! You like p****.  You'll never get a job with that degree. Also nobody is calling you "Champ" or "Sport". This is what is wrong with this country. You want a nickname? Earn it. 

Look, enjoy your night. I popped a Viagra about 20 minutes ago so I'm gonna head upstairs and hit the sack with mamma bear. You sh!t heads try not to burn the place down tonight. 

And for the love of God I better not find cigarette butts or rubbers in my hot tub filter!

Leftovers are in the fridge. 

Sincerely,

Killit_and_Grillit

tarheelmatt said:

Killit_and_Grillit said:

I don't think this has been posted, but in case it hasn't...you're welcome. 

https://spokane.craigslist.org/vol/6144667018.html

http://eggheadforum.com/discussion/1206279/spokane-cl-opportunity#latest

Killit_and_Grillit said:

thanks @tarheelmatt  I don't know how I missed these shenanigans.  

Either the cold medicine got to me or I had the Political Spam filter set to "high" and @JohnInCarolina 's post just accidentally got stuck in there somehow   Ahh, I jest. 

Carry on. There is a squirrel in my bird feeder that needs attending to.

Acn said:

If they're paying in beer I'd have to verify that the beer available won't suck.