Thanks to Thirdeye, Fidel, & Lil Chef, I am on my way to the promised land of Buckboard Bacon. A little nervous as this is my first time.
Worth mentioning is that Crimsongator and Hungry Man were of absolutely no help, with Carwash Mike only slightly better. :P
One might think I could figure it out on my own, even with my obvious limited capability. I figured incorporating the help of no less than a half dozen Egghead friends couldnt hurt.