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Getting OLD

loco_engrloco_engr Posts: 3,673
edited 9:15PM in Off Topic
$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Buenos said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet - a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

Comments

  • loco_engr,

    I feel your pain :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Steve

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

  • HossHoss Posts: 14,600
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Too FUNNY!!! :woohoo: :whistle:
  • :laugh:VERY amusing...
  • PhilsGrillPhilsGrill Posts: 2,256
    That's OK, age 55 is senior citizens now a days.
  • My kids and I laugh when people can't find their car in the parking lot and we call their wandering the walk of shame. Been there, done that in a 10 story garage.

    A few weeks ago, I witnessed what has to be the ultimate walk of shame. I was following this not so old couple out of Lowes into the lot and saw them looking for their car. Amused, I listened to their discussion. The jackpot was when I heard them trying to remember which car they had driven!!!
  •  
    Now that is a funny story.

    The sad part is when I was 57 I was offered a senior discount at Wendy's

    I was going to pass this on my kids, but they would think it is a real event.

    GG
  • What's worse is that happened to me when we were visiting family in Florida. The kid thought I was old enough that my mother HAD to be a senior citizen. I wish I had a camera to see the look on her face.
  • That's great!
  • Nice post.

    I was offered a senior citizens discount when I was 48 at a breakfast place in Houston. :ohmy:

    I asked what age you had to be to qualify and the waitress replied 60. :ermm:
  • pattikakepattikake Posts: 1,175
    That bites ;) but it is so funny. Yes we all getting old. When we forget something we call it CRS (Can't remember Sh**)

    Patti
    Wichita, KS
  • FlaPoolmanFlaPoolman Posts: 11,671
    So that happened to you too? :whistle:
  • BearBear Posts: 32
    Too Funny!!!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • hornhonkhornhonk Posts: 3,841
    We may be old, but we can drop 1k on an egg without batting an eye! We must be doing SOMETHING right! :woohoo: :evil: :silly:
  • I saw this on the Chile Grill news letter and it fits perfect here.

    Don't mess with old guys

    A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

    After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said. 'I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back.' 'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. 'Let's see you do it.'

    The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Dumb ass, get in.'
  • A few years ago I was talking to some youngsters and the conversation eventually got around to birthdays. I told them I was a "Pre-War" baby.

    They looked astonished and one excitedly said, "YOU WERE BORN BEFORE VIETNAM!!!"

    At least they knew about Vietnam.

    Spring "The Hills Are Alive With Old People" Chicken
    Spring Texas USA
  • cookn bikercookn biker Posts: 13,407
    That is soo funny!! But I laugh with you not at you Dan :laugh:
    Molly
    Colorado Springs
    "Loney Queen"
    "Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it."
    Bill Bradley; American hall of fame basketball player, Rhodes scholar, former U.S. Senator from New Jersey
    LBGE, MBGE, SBGE , MiniBGE and a Mini Mini BGE
  • This hasen't been around in a while

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

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