Off Topic - Going through divorce, need advice

BrevardAUEgger · September 2016

I spoke with her last night & she insists she doesn't want to screw me over with this and just wants everything to be clean for our daughters sake & her future.

I guess right now I'm torn on what to do...Should I work with her on a plan to split everything then bring to a lawyer? Should I go to a lawyer by myself and file for a divorce without her? Knowing her, I really think the first option is the way to go. I don't want to make this harder than it already is...I just want to move on with my life as easy as possible

Griffin · September 2016

I don't know about your state, but in Texas, the person who files for the divorce with the court has to pay the divorce fee. Can't remember how much, but I want to say it was more than a couple hundred.

I'm going to agree with the others and say do NOT move out. Let her move out if she wants to.

Check out your car titles. Get your name off her car loan if there is one. And get your name off of any joint credit cards if you can. Don't get stuck holding any of her debt because down the road, she might quit paying and it will hurt your credit.

tikigriller · September 2016

I would get together all the credit card debt and get two personal loans, one in each of your names, and pay off the debt 50 50. That way, you each have half, which is probably fair, and you are each in control of paying your own debt off

I would get that house sold as soon as possible so you can each get into an affordable situation. I run a car dealership, so I see credit all the time and debt to income is a killer when you need a loan of any kind, so the sooner you can get those things separated, the easier it will be to get yourself on track and settled back in.

I Would still talk to a lawyer. They have free consultations, so it can't hurt to be prepared. You will find out quickly in moving on with her, if you will need to act on the lawyer or not. A lawyer will also tell you if it makes sense to file or not first.

Dondgc · September 2016

With no offense intended to all who have posted well meaning advice, the only advice you should listen to is the advice to talk to an attorney. You will be making decisions in your settlement that will affect your life far into the future. Get real advice from an expert.

Little Steven · September 2016

BrevardAUEgger said:

I spoke with her last night & she insists she doesn't want to screw me over with this and just wants everything to be clean for our daughters sake & her future.
I guess right now I'm torn on what to do...Should I work with her on a plan to split everything then bring to a lawyer? Should I go to a lawyer by myself and file for a divorce without her? Knowing her, I really think the first option is the way to go. I don't want to make this harder than it already is...I just want to move on with my life as easy as possible

There's a difference between talking to a lawyer and bringing one into the negotiations. At least you will know what you could be faced with.

BrevardAUEgger · September 2016

Thanks all. I will consult with the lawyer & go from there

fishlessman · September 2016

if she is violent in any way do get that restraining order, helps with keeping the kid, and she is still responsible for her share of the mortgage and support even if she is removed from the house. a friend of mine did that years ago with his second wife, he was not so smart with the first

Gulfcoastguy · September 2016

I repeat, get tested for STDs.

dmchicago · September 2016

My first marriage I was 24 she was 21. After 2 years, we sat down and talked about how we were just not mature enough to be married.

We fought all the time. I wanted to change her, she wanted to change me. We made a mistake.

We divorced, and in all fairness, we had very little. a house, some debt and a sh*t ton of albums.

The albums are what we fought over. The "S's" were brutal. This was 1984.

Who get's the Springsteen? Who gets the Supertramp?

Santana?

Anyway, I'm thankful that I knew her. She's a great person...our timing just didn't work.

I'm incredibly lucky to be married to my current wife. Can't imagine being with anyone else.

Life is a series of challenges and rewards.

You're in a challenge.

There will be a reward. I promise.

BrevardAUEgger · September 2016

Thanks @dmchicago . Very good feedback and point of view.

I'm definitely in a challenge & some days it doesn't seem like it gets any easier. One of the happiest days of my life will be when I am finally out of the house with her and into my place. Of course the $ situation will be a lot tighter, but with the hell it's been living in the same house I would be happy to eat ramen noodles every day (cooked on the egg) and be super poor. No fun at all right now, but I realize that it will get better

jlsm · September 2016

I am so sorry. Nothing is easy about this. I had a relatively "amicable" divorce without children, and it was horrible. My current husband had a horrific divorce with a child, and the mother kidnapped the child and my husband didn't talk with him for more than 6 months. Realize in all states that the child custody issues are separate from divorce. Don't think because something is going well in one area the other area is covered. Today, my ex and I are good friends, and my current doesn't understand. But it was bad for awhile. Just understand this and go with it while protecting yourself. My heart goes out to you.

BrevardAUEgger · September 2016

All...With everyone pitching in input & offering great support, I figured I would update on my situation. **I apologize in advance for the extremely long post**

The soon to be ex-wife and I spoke things over and agreed to an uncontested divorce. This was the best thing for me in regards to complexity, finances, & simply being able to move on with my life quicker. We hired a lawyer, filled out some papers for how everything will be split, and sent off to the law firm. Everything will pretty much be split evenly which I am perfectly fine with. I know a lot of others in this situation would try & fight for more but at this point & how much I have hurt, this is the best possible situation. Of course it's going to be tough seeing my daughter for 2 weeks out of the month versus every day, but it will make the time with her that much better.

We are currently still living together which is the hardest thing out of all of this. We are going to meet with a property management company & get the house up for rent ASAP. I wish we could sell but it's not an option right now with little equity (built the house last year). Once the house rents, we will go our separate ways. The tough thing is school districts...I would love to keep my daughter in the same school district but it might not be an option due to the fact that there aren't many rentals at all in the area & the one's that are up for rent are out of my price range. The other schools in the area are very good though so she will be fine.

In regards to my mental/emotional state, I can honestly say that I am doing 10 times better than when I first posted. Of course I still have thoughts/pictures/emotions that are flying around in my head, but since I have accepted everything & we have started the process of moving on, I am not hurting nearly as bad. I guess right now the biggest hurdle is dealing with all of the stress of the divorce - splitting finances, hiring property management company, figuring out place to live, etc. That and obviously living in the same house with her. It still hurts knowing she is texting this guy & has feelings for him while under the same roof but I have to move on & know that she doesn't deserve me. I am trying to run every day, spend all the time with my daughter that I can, & have decided to quit drinking on week nights that I am at the house with my soon to be ex-wife (don't want to call her my wife). I decided to quit drinking when in the house with her because it just cloudy's things up in my opinion & makes me more inclined to fly off at the handle. Not to mention, helps me work on getting healthier with mind & body. It's tough, because I love me some beer after a long day's work, but will be worth it when this is all said & done. I have also started to see an individual counselor & had my first session Monday. Hoping that talking to someone that doesn't know me at all & knows how to handle these types of situations from a professional standpoint, will help.

Lastly, I just want to thank all of you for the incredible support. It is kind of crazy to me that I find such amazing support on a Big Green Egg forum of all places. With all the crazy **** going on in the world, it is extremely refreshing to know that there are some really great people out in the world that care about others & helping get through hard times.

Cheers, hope everyone has a stellar week!

BrevardAUEgger · September 2016

Bump...Not sure how it works to get this up to the top

Off Topic - Going through divorce, need advice

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