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Need to laugh please post something funny...off topic
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and a texan...feef706 said:Keepin' It Weird in The ATX FBTX -
"I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike -
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_____________Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'? Well, we showed them.
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THE DOG
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity.He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
The man replied, 'Well, that first hearse is for my wife.'
'What happened to her?', He said.
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He inquired further, 'Well, who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?', he asked.
'Get in line.'
They/Them
Morgantown, PA
XL BGE - S BGE - KJ Jr - HB Legacy - BS Pizza Oven - 30" Firepit - King Kooker Fryer - PR72T - WSJ - BS 17" Griddle - XXL BGE - BS SS36" Griddle - 2 Burner Gasser - Pellet Smoker -
Large BGE, MiniMAX BGE, 2 Mini BGE's, R&V Fryer, 36" Blackstone Griddle, Camp Chef Dual Burner 40K BTU StoveBGE ChimineaProsper, TX
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"Social media gives legions of idiots the right to speak when they once only spoke at a bar after a glass of wine, without harming the community [...] but now they have the same right to speak as a Nobel Prize winner. It's the invasion of the idiots."
-Umberto Eco
2 Large
Peachtree Corners, GA -
"Social media gives legions of idiots the right to speak when they once only spoke at a bar after a glass of wine, without harming the community [...] but now they have the same right to speak as a Nobel Prize winner. It's the invasion of the idiots."
-Umberto Eco
2 Large
Peachtree Corners, GA -
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A bartender has a problem with a regular customer who nightly proclaims that he's the baddest ass person around. Eventually tiring of this boasting, the bartender says, "If you are such a bad ass, then you'll have to prove it to me."The customer says, "No problem, name it."The bartender says, "Okay, there's three things you have to do: first, there's this big bully at the end of the bar who's been hassling my customers all night; you have to kick him out of the bar. Secondly, I have an alligator in the back room that has had an abcessed tooth for the past week, you have to pull it. Third, there's a hooker upstairs who's never been satisfied, you have to go up there and make her cum."The customer replies, "No problem" and commences to kick the bully out of the bar. After that he says, "OK, show me to the alligator." The bartender takes the man to the back room and shuts the door.For about an hour there's a tremendous ruckus going on in the back room. The man eventually emerges with his clothes all torn and his body scratched and bitten, he goes up to the bartender and says, "OK, where's the hooker with the abcessed tooth?"
LBGE #19 from North GA Eggfest, 2014
Stockbridge, GA - just south of Atlanta where we are covered up in Zombies! #TheWalkingDead films practically next door!
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Nolaegghead is Back...Greensboro North Carolina
When in doubt Accelerate.... -
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Hillary Dillary thinks she's qualified to be POTUS.. Oh my dear GOD!!!!!
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A retiring Physical Chemistry professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all and with a well kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet:
Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with a proof.
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving hell? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions.
One, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose. Conversely, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over, condition two.
We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year of residence and said she would have sex with me when hell freezes over. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.
They/Them
Morgantown, PA
XL BGE - S BGE - KJ Jr - HB Legacy - BS Pizza Oven - 30" Firepit - King Kooker Fryer - PR72T - WSJ - BS 17" Griddle - XXL BGE - BS SS36" Griddle - 2 Burner Gasser - Pellet Smoker -
"Social media gives legions of idiots the right to speak when they once only spoke at a bar after a glass of wine, without harming the community [...] but now they have the same right to speak as a Nobel Prize winner. It's the invasion of the idiots."
-Umberto Eco
2 Large
Peachtree Corners, GA -
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygenmask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears andgives him a partial sponge bath."Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm onlyhere to wash your upper body and feet."He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are mytesticles black?"Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart ratefrom worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassmentand pulls back the covers.She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testiclesgently in the other.She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,Sir. They look fine."The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and saysvery slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listenvery, very closely:Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Not to get technical, but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution...
Large & Small BGE
Stockton Ca.
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@DoubleEgger hated to laugh at that but man is it ever true.XL BGE, KJ classic, Joe Jr, UDS x2
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"Social media gives legions of idiots the right to speak when they once only spoke at a bar after a glass of wine, without harming the community [...] but now they have the same right to speak as a Nobel Prize winner. It's the invasion of the idiots."
-Umberto Eco
2 Large
Peachtree Corners, GA -
_____________Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'? Well, we showed them.
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Central Valley CA One large egg One chocolate lab "Halle" two chiuahuas "Skittles and PeeWee" -
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and barbecuing." - George Burns
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I haven't laughed this hard in a month.
_____________Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'? Well, we showed them.
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Karma is a b!tch.Botch said:I haven't laughed this hard in a month.
LBGE
Pikesville, MD
https://youtu.be/PfPdYYsEfAE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbOW-uRxVrQ
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