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Things you cooked but were so bad you had to go off topic

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MaC122
MaC122 Posts: 797
in Off Topic
So I decided I was going to smoke chicken wings. I got this. Smoke them at 250 for 2 hours with some fruit wood and then throw them in the fryer to crisp them up.  2 Hours later I toss them in the fryer and after 1 minute they look like crap....so I pull them out, rest them, the skin is like Al Bundy shoe leather.  Wife is coming home. Crank the oven to 375 and put the wings in to "crisp the skin". ...................I had Wendy's chicken sandwich for dinner.
St. Johns County, Florida
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  • Fred19Flintstone
    Fred19Flintstone Posts: 8,168
    edited September 2015
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    You're thinking in terms of temp and TIME.  It doesn't work that way.  You have to think Temp (egg) & TEMP (internal food).  Cook to your target internal temp and you can forget Wendy's.  When I must think about time while egging, the unit of measurement is the "BEER".  Ya folla?
    Flint, Michigan
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  • MaC122
    MaC122 Posts: 797
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    Fred19Flintstone said:
    You're thinking in terms of temp and TIME.  It doesn't work that way.  You have to think Temp (egg) & TEMP (internal food).  Cook to your target internal temp and you can forget Wendy's.  When I must think about time while egging, the unit of measurement is the "BEER".  Ya folla?

    No...I don't...but haha thanks
    St. Johns County, Florida
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  • Jstroke
    Jstroke Posts: 2,600
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    My best was pizza. I was learning how to control temps in the beginning and was running 500 plus. I had the daisy wheel on. When I pulled the pizza they smelled kind of strong of smoke. It tasted like I had held it over the top of a diesel smokestack. My wife was thoroughly unimpressed. It was not a good start to egging. But persistence won.  
    Columbus, Ohio--A Gasser filled with Matchlight and an Ugly Drum.
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  • henapple
    henapple Posts: 16,025
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    I threw away my first brisket. Dry is an understatement. One bite in I grabbed all the brisket off of everyone's plate and tossed it. 
    Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 
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  • AD18
    AD18 Posts: 209
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    Mine was an early low and slow roast of beef.  Went 3+ hours of Mesquite chunks as smoke wood.  Roast came out looking like a black bowling ball, wife could smell the roast before should could see it, and outside was hideous tasting.  Hacked off all the outside "bark" (or retread tire) and inside was actually quite tasty.  Never used mesquite again and only smoke anything for about 1 hour now.  Lesson learned:)
    Large BGE, Weber 22.5 kettle, Weber Genesis
    Cobourg, Ontario
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  • theyolksonyou
    theyolksonyou Posts: 18,458
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    Pre egg I had no clue how to smoke/que. Had a little R2D2 smoker. Put in a butt, running fine, bed time and I don't want to get up so add plenty more wood and charcoal and go to bed. 

    Came back in the morning to a big hunk of coal. Hard as a rock and black stuff chipping off. Warped grid. Busted off the "bark."  The very inside was actually edible. 
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  • Thatgrimguy
    Thatgrimguy Posts: 4,729
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    I have 4 2" thick filet's. I had just gotten my egg and read about people closing the vents to "dwell" what a terrible, horrible idea. Those steaks were so bad we threw them in the garbage and ate grilled cheese for dinner.  I have nightmares about that. Well over $60 in meat. All gone. Further backs up my close the bottom before the top tip.
    XL, Small, Mini & Mini Max Green Egg, Shirley Fab Trailer, 6 gal and 2.5 gal Cajun Fryers, BlueStar 60" Range, 48" Lonestar Grillz Santa Maria, Alto Shaam 1200s, Gozney Dome, Gateway 55g Drum
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  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 32,759
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    corned beef ribs, ten times saltier than corned beef. i think thats the only cook ive ever trashed
    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
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  • Jeremiah
    Jeremiah Posts: 6,412
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    Holy crap where do I start? Several pizzas, an apple cider injected butt, kabobs (with egghead guests no less), many steaks, wings, ....
    Slumming it in Aiken, SC. 
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  • redharley13
    redharley13 Posts: 10
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    This thread makes me feel better.  Now I know that others have the same problems that I do.  For me it is like playing golf, some days great, some are OK and others you don't want to talk about.
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  • Ozzie_Isaac
    Ozzie_Isaac Posts: 19,087
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    My very first attempt with a cheap offser attachment I got for a cheap grill from lowes.

    I had no clue how to smoke.  Figured the more smoke the better.  So I had rolling black smoke.

    I was poor so it was asparagus and squash.  The veggies ended up a pale grey color.  I imagine similiar to a drowned rat.  I bet a drowned rat would have tasted better.

    I went back to grilling for a few years and used the smoker box as more grill space.
    A bison’s level of aggressiveness, both physical and passive, is legendary. - NPS
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  • theyolksonyou
    theyolksonyou Posts: 18,458
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    On the egg:  my first attempt at bacon. 

    Cured bed and everything is going great!  Read up on bacon and I'm feeling great. Need plenty of smoke for bacon, right?  Well I loaded it up. Let or roll a couple of hours to 160. 

    Well, I had the probe in the wrong place and WAY too much smoke. 

    Came out as a big piece of leather straight out of a chimney. Sliced and fried a piece. Awful, no grease left, like licking an ashtray. 

    Kept in the freezer to season beans and stuff like that. A little dab will do ya!
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  • swordsmn
    swordsmn Posts: 683
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    Wings  when I overdid cornstarch AND cooked too long  so I had dry, white'ish wing like meat.  LOL
    LBGE, AR.  Lives in N.E. ATL
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  • SGH
    SGH Posts: 28,791
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    Brother, believe this or not, years ago when I was a hippy and a power drinker, I left a brisket in unit #2 for over a month. You talk about a Texas meteorite. 

    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

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  • theyolksonyou
    theyolksonyou Posts: 18,458
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    Cue @Mickey wing picture. 
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  • beatarmy
    beatarmy Posts: 194
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    @sgh I'm laughing out loud reading that
    Franklin, TN - (1) LBGE and a cooler full of beer
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  • SmokingPiney
    SmokingPiney Posts: 2,282
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    Smoking a whole ham and imbibing liberally with friends. I needed more coals to finish the smoke and put Matchlight on the bed without looking at the bag.. The jet fuel taste was an experience......
    South Jersey Pine Barrens. XL BGE , Assassin 24, Weber Kettle, CharBroil gasser, AMNPS 
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  • Fred19Flintstone
    Fred19Flintstone Posts: 8,168
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    I'm laughing at @SGH being a hippy!
    Flint, Michigan
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  • theyolksonyou
    theyolksonyou Posts: 18,458
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    That makes me laugh every time. 
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  • Ozzie_Isaac
    Ozzie_Isaac Posts: 19,087
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    I love that your lump is still burning.
    A bison’s level of aggressiveness, both physical and passive, is legendary. - NPS
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  • Sardonicus
    Sardonicus Posts: 1,700
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    Last month, overcooked the spares and broke the bend test.
    (A little too tender)

    No excuse.  I know better.
    (Still ate 'em, though)

    "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and barbecuing."      - George Burns

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  • fishlessman
    fishlessman Posts: 32,759
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    @Mickey, time to sauce and flip those wings =)
    fukahwee maine

    you can lead a fish to water but you can not make him drink it
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  • Mickey
    Mickey Posts: 19,674
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    fishlessman said:
    @Mickey, time to sauce and flip those wings =)
    Flip hell. Used them for lump
    Salado TX & 30A  FL: Egg Family: 3 Large and a very well used Mini, added a Mini Max when they came out (I'm good for now). Plus a couple Pit Boss Pellet Smokers.   

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  • bbqlearner
    bbqlearner Posts: 760
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    Almost burned my pork ribs...way past time intended when I fell asleep...almost becoming dried pork jerky ribs..... =)

    Houston, TX - Buddy LBGE, Don SBGE, Tiny Mini & Shiny Momma Pitts n Spitts

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  • NPHuskerFL
    NPHuskerFL Posts: 17,629
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    Whole Fresh Red Snapper (1st one I egged). Looked decent at best. Parts were dried out and others the texture was like moosh. Fail!  Learning from our errors is what makes us become better and develop our craft. 
    LBGE 2013 & MM 2014
    Die Hard HUSKER & BRONCO FAN
    Flying Low & Slow in "Da Burg" FL
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  • SGH
    SGH Posts: 28,791
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    beatarmy said:
    @sgh I'm laughing out loud reading that


    It surely happened my friend.


    Fred19Flintstone said:
    I'm laughing at @SGH being a hippy!

    When I was younger, I sported a great mane. These days its stubble. I had long hair from about age 15 until my late 20's.

    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

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  • XC242
    XC242 Posts: 1,208
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    @SGH I thought the rule was photos or it didn't happen??
    LBGE (still waitin' for my free T-Shirt), DIgiQ DX2 (In Blue, cause it's the fastest), Heavy Duty Kick Ash Basket, Mc Farland, WI. :glasses:  B)
    If it wasn't for my BGE I'd have no use for my backyard...
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  • SGH
    SGH Posts: 28,791
    edited September 2015
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    ;););)XC242 said:
    @SGH I thought the rule was photos or it didn't happen??

    Brother that happened back in the 80's. Its hard to post Polaroids

    Location- Just "this side" of Biloxi, Ms.

    Status- Standing by.

    The greatest barrier against all wisdom, the stronghold against knowledge itself, is the single thought, in ones mind, that they already have it all figured out. 

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