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OT- The Daily Joke

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24

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  • Tinyfish
    Tinyfish Posts: 1,755
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    What's better then then Roses on a piano. ?

    Tulips on my Organ. ..
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    What's worse than a lobster on your piano?
     
    Crabs on your organ...
     
     
    I used to have a 12" plastic lobster on my keyboard stand when I played in a band, and at least one vulnerable lady would ask me that question every gig.
    I'm so mean.   
    >:)
    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Little Steven
    Little Steven Posts: 28,817
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    Guy goes upstairs to find his wife crying in the bedroom. She says "Bob, I'm old and I'm fat and I'm ugly and I need a compliment real bad" Bob says "Well honey your eyesight seems to be holding up pretty well"

    Steve 

    Caledon, ON

     

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  • johnkitchens
    johnkitchens Posts: 5,227
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    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

    Louisville, GA - 2 Large BGE's
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    Hah!  
    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Ozzie_Isaac
    Ozzie_Isaac Posts: 19,044
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    A bison’s level of aggressiveness, both physical and passive, is legendary. - NPS
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  • Sardonicus
    Sardonicus Posts: 1,700
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELuNeOItpPE
    "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and barbecuing."      - George Burns

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  • Acn
    Acn Posts: 4,424
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    Botch said:

     
    Hah!  
    Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

    Because Ken comes in a different box.

    LBGE

    Pikesville, MD

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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    NSFW (language) but SO true!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyTA33HQZLA

    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • JohnInCarolina
    JohnInCarolina Posts: 30,949
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    You guys have the filthiest freakin minds.  

    I love this forum.
    "I've made a note never to piss you two off." - Stike
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    An Oldie but a Goodie:  BBC Voiceovers
     

    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    No.  Do not fly your shiny new drone into the chimpanzee exhibit.
     
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_zw8h4epQM
     
    :lol: 
    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • henapple
    henapple Posts: 16,025
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    Dad: son, it's ok to masturbate but too much will make you go blind.

    Son: dad, I'm over here 
    Green egg, dead animal and alcohol. The "Boro".. TN 
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  • DoubleEgger
    DoubleEgger Posts: 17,174
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    Why do shepherds wear robes? 

    Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away! 
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  • Fred19Flintstone
    Fred19Flintstone Posts: 8,168
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    DoubleEgger said:
    Why do shepherds wear robes? 

    Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away! 
    That's like the joke I heard about Caledon, OT.  Caledon:  Where men are men and sheep are nervous!
    Flint, Michigan
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  • Wolfpack
    Wolfpack Posts: 3,551
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    Little Johnny was in class squirming in his seat. He raised his hand and told the teacher "I gotta piss, I gotta piss real bad. Man oh man I got piss. I gotta go right now"

    teacher- "now Johnny- in this class we say urinate, now please ask me again correctly with the word urinate. 

    little Johnny-"teacher urinate but if you got a boob job you'd be a 10"
    Greensboro, NC
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • milesvdustin
    milesvdustin Posts: 2,882
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    Would you rather have leg sized fingers or finger sized legs? 

    2 LBGE, Blackstone 36, Jumbo Joe

    Egging in Southern Illinois (Marion)

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  • mtbguy
    mtbguy Posts: 299
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    Thats funny, I don't care who you are.
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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    Ah, I remember Finals Week.....
     

    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • Botch
    Botch Posts: 15,471
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    _____________

    Remember when teachers used to say 'You won't have a calculator everywhere you go'?  Well, we showed them.


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  • SwineBelly
    SwineBelly Posts: 14
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    Doc: Well sir, you’re quite healthy for 80 years old. How do you do it?

    Man: Squirrel hunting. Fresh air and hunting will do it. My Dad taught me that.

    Doc: Really? How old was your Dad when he died?

    Man: Who said anything about my Dad being dead? He went squirrel hunting with me this morning.

    Doc: That’s incredible! He must be a hundred years old.

    Man: A hundred and two. 

    Doc: Well how old was his Dad when he died?

    Man: Who said anything about my grandpa being dead?

    Doc: Wait a minute. He must be close to 120 years old. Don’t tell me he went squirrel hunting this morning with you and your dad!

    Man: Grandpa is 121. No, he didn’t come with us. He was getting married.

    Doc: Now why in the world would a man 121 years old want to get married??

    Man: Who said anything about him wanting to get married?

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  • Hunter1881
    Hunter1881 Posts: 406
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    Henderson TN. 1 large BGE, 1 Webber Gasser (recently seems to have converted into a warming oven)
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  • Nanook
    Nanook Posts: 846
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    GWN
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  • Sardonicus
    Sardonicus Posts: 1,700
    edited July 2015
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    A midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area, so he went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

    The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up on the examining table, and started to examine him.

    The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.
    "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle,     he asked the midget to cough again.

    "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

    The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement
    that the snipping did not hurt.

    The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to
    see if his testicles still hurt.

    The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

    The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, “Perfect Doc, and I didn't feel a thing. What did you do?"

    The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."


    "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and barbecuing."      - George Burns

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  • The Cen-Tex Smoker
    The Cen-Tex Smoker Posts: 22,961
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    I think they prefer to be called "little people"
    Keepin' It Weird in The ATX FBTX
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